JustRooster
Internet Bully
Join date: Jan 2005
7,164 IQ
#1
"Converse"

I think I can see the bottoms of my feet when I'm standing.
Like X-Ray Vision. Cool.

Anyway, I'm kind of like that guy
in the corner holding a red cup and
making fun of other people at the
party and how silly they look with
their red cups.

I've gotten too good at calling
people who are just
like me out on all their bullshit.

Thankfully the floor isn't made of mirrors.

It'd be pretty damn impractical, but almost
too perfect for the context of this poem.

Quote by EyeNon15
Thats too bad, I was under the impression I was arguing something profound

Last edited by JustRooster at Nov 19, 2013,
ZanasCross
C(k)=Epsilon(ijk)A(i)B(j)
Join date: Jul 2007
9,587 IQ
#2
I loved everything up until the large break. After that, I felt like you were "trying to hard" to resolve this into something more meaningful than a self-referential poem. If you don't have that, I think it's a much stronger ending. I enjoyed this quite a lot though.
JustRooster
Internet Bully
Join date: Jan 2005
7,164 IQ
#3
I never know how to end them. Most people tell me they end up better when I don't! Haha. Thanks for the pointers.

Quote by EyeNon15
Thats too bad, I was under the impression I was arguing something profound

#1 synth
Weeow!
Join date: Mar 2006
7,350 IQ
#5
too perfect for the context of this poem.

this line was too easy. you can make it hit so much harder.

real nice sense of control and rhythm throughout