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#2
I ran headfirst into a wall and needed staples in my head.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#3
I remember whenever my nose was runny I'd try to make it look like my hands were casually covering it all the time 'cause I didn't know what to do.
Quote by Sliide90027
But as a bigoted lemming, you have so cry an Alinslyite slur revealing you lack of reason and sense.


Quote by MusicLord16
BOB 1. ur 20 and two u like evil things and idk if u worship the devil
#4
burnt my hand on a lawnmower twice when i was 3. The first time it was running, the second it had just been turned off, still hot though haha
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#5
pooped out of a window


wait i was 18 then. nevermind
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#6
Actually, I don't think I did anything too out of the ordinary as a child. I was pretty well behaved.

Although I did used to talk to myself in the mirror. That was pretty weird.
Quote by snipelfritz
You lost me at "Lubricate."

I'm raw, like nature. Nature boy. Big jungle leaves are my cum rags.

Sometimes I fuck a bamboo shoot.


There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
#7
Went down a pretty steep hill on my trike with no brakes when I was 3... This tree just came out of nowhere, so yeah I cracked some teeth that day
#10
Told my female teacher if she wAnted too see a big snake, she should look in my pants.

Cant remember why i said it, probably a snake related topic.
#11
My parents caught me with a pair of scissors just two seconds away from cutting the television wire.

Locked myself in the car while my Dad was putting petrol in it.


Drank my own piss.

Can't remember any more yet.
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise
#12
There are too many stories my parents could tell. Apparently I was always getting into shit, just being a curious pest that never stopped doing stuff. I unscrewed a sheet of drywall when I was two, used a fire extinguisher in a shoe closet a few months later. I'd drink out of puddles like my dogs would. The worst is once I was outside running and playing with our dogs and I started chewing on a frozen dog turd like they were. Wish I never heard that story.
Last.fm So you can make fun of my taste in music
Youtube So you can make fun of my videos
#13
My head is so empty right now of good stories...


The only thing that comes to mind is that when i was little we had an old dog, everytime he'd lick me i'd lick him back

That dog sure did love to roll in mud
I Have An Avant Garde Fetish....
Quote by Gantz92
Im in no way an amateur. I masturbate in public all the time.
Quote by Nelsean
I can get an erection just by looking at a plastic cup, or a river.
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
Don't worry, rape will always find a back way in
#14
Played with matches in the middle of a pile of scrap wood.
Probably a lot more, but thats the one I remember most.
Got grounded for 3 months for that one. During the summer school break.
#15
Held on to the back of my brother's bike seat while on roller-blades while he went as fast as he could. Almost broke my wrists that time.

Ran into a tree playing football and broke my orbital bone.

Helped the neighborhood kids build a halfpipe when I was about 11 or 12. The kid's dad tore it down 2 days later but I don't know how one of us didn't get killed in that small amount of time.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#16
Today I was stood behind my friend in a cafe. It looked as if she were talking to the cash register, you know, the actual machine thing. So I asked her why she was doing that...

Turns out the cashier was a midget and heard me say the whole thing. Didn't look too Happy.
Silverburst
#18
My friend bet I couldn't ride my bike with no hands and stand up.
I went about 5 feet forward and fell. I ripped my pants.

When I was 9, I tried climbing out of a tree house on a rope a friend tied. It was one of those yellow ropes you'd normally used to tie down tarp. I fell and stuck out my hand to break my fall. I broke my wrist and it was in a zigzag shape.
#19
Wow, some of you were pretty stupid as kids I was naughty, but not the stupid stuff mentioned by people in here. Just things like stealing the caretaker at school's keys and trying to put them down the drain, and once a kid did that thing whereby you unscrew the top of a salt shaker so it all falls out on somebody's dinner... I stuck a fork in his arm
Hey, look. Sigs are back.
#20
Quote by slap-a-bass
me and my friends touched each others dicks no homo strictly bizzness and curiosity. Once we were all familiar the girls started touching them

#21
The first time I ejaculated, I screamed and called my mom. I had this dribble of cum hanging off the tip of my little helmet, pointed at it and said "mom, this booger came out of my wiener, I need to see the doctor"

She smacked me across the head and told me to put my pants back on.
2013 #5 Uger
2012 #7 Uger

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don't worry guys his girlfriend is black, she said it was okay for him to say that.



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#22
Quote by Horsedick.MPEG
The first time I ejaculated, I screamed and called my mom. I had this dribble of cum hanging off the tip of my little helmet, pointed at it and said "mom, this booger came out of my wiener, I need to see the doctor"

She smacked me across the head and told me to put my pants back on.

...


Quote by snipelfritz
You lost me at "Lubricate."

I'm raw, like nature. Nature boy. Big jungle leaves are my cum rags.

Sometimes I fuck a bamboo shoot.


There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
#24
I tried to eat a lightbulb when I was two.
My mom didn't want me to get into another room, so she stacked one gate over the other.
I climbed over.
¯\_()_/¯
#25
stuck a fork in a electrical outlet when i was little, it wasnt painful, just made my arm feel numb so i did it a few more times, then my mom saw me and smacked me across the head. that did hurt.

another time when were in the rocky mountains buying our english mastiff my dad had the suburban in park, i climbed across the back seat into the front seat and put it neutral and we started to roll backwards, luckily my dad was still near by or we'da been ****ed

i was bored one night and it was cold and we had the fire place going, it had one of those glass doors. i stuck an ice cube on it to watch it melt and the w hole thing shattered instantly and cut my hand
#26
Were having an outdoor cook-out using a charcoal grill. After the food was made, I was poking at the coals with a stick. I noticed one of them was away from the rest, so I thought it had cooled down and I tried to pick it up. Needless to say, it was still VERY hot. Kept ice on my finger the rest of the day, and all of the next day. Had a pretty big blister on it for the next few weeks as well.
Quote by MakinLattes
I'd kill you and wear your skin.
Quote by Siv During Livh
To attempt to have intercourse with a hornet's nest is a very bad idea,

Voted UG's worst cross dresser.
Also voted #95 on UG's Top 100 2013. Like it means anything....
#27
Quote by Horsedick.MPEG
The first time I ejaculated, I screamed and called my mom. I had this dribble of cum hanging off the tip of my little helmet, pointed at it and said "mom, this booger came out of my wiener, I need to see the doctor"

She smacked me across the head and told me to put my pants back on.

wow.

I wanted to see how sensitive my penis was so while taking a shower, the handle for the hot water gets really hot. I brushed my penis lightly over it. Never again.
Last edited by metaldud536 at Apr 7, 2013,
#28
When I was like 4 I jumped into a pool......I couldn't swim and almost drownededed
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#29
One time I touched the hot stove just cuz
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#30
I threw a stick at a car driving by and it broke the window and the dudes hand got cut #gohard
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#32
This thread reminds me of that "horny things you did as a kid" thread that horsedick went ape shit on
bawitaba a bang a bang diggy diggy diggy sed the boogie sed up jump the boogie
#33
Quote by RylanThePotato
This thread reminds me of that "horny things you did as a kid" thread that horsedick went ape shit on


That thread was the bane of the Pit for so long.
________ A
________C
________E
________!
#34
Quote by durhamdynamo
That thread was the bane of the Pit for so long.

But it was so hilarious
Quote by KiLLSWiTCH-KnoT
it's like I make threads knowing they're gonna be shit but I make them anyway


Quote by kertets
Wire his sack to the electrical socket the next time, little fucker will be shootin lightening bolts all over the house.
#35
I was too young to remember this, but I've heard the story from my parents 100 times. When I was 2, I somehow found a paperclip. I then proceeded to take the plastic safety cover off of an electric socket. Next, put paperclip in socket. My mom freaked out, 'cause she walks in and my arm is all black. She calls the doctor, who says to bring me in if it stays black after 30min.

I was fine. No damage whatsoever beyond my pride really.
#36
Quote by NarwhalG2G
But it was so hilarious


It was hilarious.
________ A
________C
________E
________!
#37
Quote by RylanThePotato
This thread reminds me of that "horny things you did as a kid" thread that horsedick went ape shit on

I don't remember this one.
Quote by snipelfritz
You lost me at "Lubricate."

I'm raw, like nature. Nature boy. Big jungle leaves are my cum rags.

Sometimes I fuck a bamboo shoot.


There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
#38
I always felt weird in that thread considering I've continued doing stupid horny things well into my 20's.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#39
When I was 3 My mom was at the bank and let me play with her car keys and I ended up sticking them in a wall socket and almost fried myself. 'Twas awesome
#40
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
I was too young to remember this, but I've heard the story from my parents 100 times. When I was 2, I somehow found a paperclip. I then proceeded to take the plastic safety cover off of an electric socket. Next, put paperclip in socket. My mom freaked out, 'cause she walks in and my arm is all black. She calls the doctor, who says to bring me in if it stays black after 30min.

I was fine. No damage whatsoever beyond my pride really.

There should be no damage to your pride
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