Ok, this is probably a stupid thread, but the heading of a story in my local paper made me laugh.

Sen. Harry Reid sees progress in making Congress functional

So, what humorous story headings/titles have you seen in your local paper?

(Yeah I searched, but found nothing).
>Implying our generation reads newspapers
Quote by CaptainCanti
it wouldn't surprise me if UG goes down within the next couple months, along with other privately owned sites

December 14, 2017
"Newtown Victim's Mother Pleads for Gun Control" -NYTimes 4/13/13
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.

At least they're not racially profiling!

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 4-5
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 92-54
"Gordon Ramsay's dwarf porn double found dead in a badger den in Wales"
My Gear:
BC Rich Gunslinger Retro Blade
Vintage V100 Paradise + SD Alnico Pro Slash APH-2's
1963 Burns Short Scale Jazz Guitar
Dean Performer Florentine
Bugera 6260
Orange Micro Terror + cab
Digitech Bad Monkey
Zoom G2G
Quote by Well.......
The Pit now has the level of humor of Jay Leno.


aren't you just a shining fucking ray of sunshine
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
I just remembered something that actually qualifies under the grounds specified in the OP.

A few weeks ago I saw a thing in a Paris newspaper about a man stealing a giant block of cheese, thus cementing his place in history as the Frenchest criminal ever.
Quote by TheChaz

That is beautifully terrible.