Sup guys.

Today is my grandma's first birthday since she died last May.

I was her "favourite", she was the second most important and second most influential person in my life. When she passed away at 88 years of age I was pretty shocked and saddened by it. Funeral sucked, in more ways than one.

However, I did not cry once. Still haven't. In fact, every time I think back on her I struggle to think of something positive. I always end up thinking of a way that she influenced my life in a negative way and I get angry. It has lead me to avoid talking about her, which is weird, cuz she's my gran.

You might say that maybe I'm not someone to cry over someone's death, but one month after the funeral I got a letter saying that my grandmother's neighbour, who I had known since my birth, had died and I broke down straight away. In fact, I've cried like a bitch several times since then.

Has anyone else felt a weird sort of resentment over someone's death? I'm not talking about Thatcher's death, talking about someone important to you whose death made you act unexpectedly?
Yeah, my old dance teacher's death last year.

I never particularly liked her, she could be downright horrid at times. She used to be extremely strict, made horrid costumes and even throw cassette tapes at people who didn't do things right.
Despite that, at her funeral most of her ex pupils myself included started crying when my friend sang Nat King Cole's Smile in front of everyone. Even though she could be particularly nasty she taught me a lot about performing and dancing, and that presentation was everything. The song summed up everything she had taught us.
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OddOneOut is an Essex S&M mistress and not a pirate or a computer program.

My aunt died in a murder/suicide because she took her baby son/my cousin with her. This was back before my teens but I was crushed. I don't feel resentment so much as still asking "Why?" She threw away all her talent (over the years I've been learning about how big of a deal she was as a poet) and her son's potential. And, to just think of it, maybe she could've been my writing mentor. I'd like to ask my grandparents how they've coped.

What could've been.
We're all alright!
It's a normal part of the grieving process, but I have never experienced it. When my grandma died I didn't cry either, but I didn't feel angry, I was just emotionally dead for a while, and to this day it impresses me and saddens me that I have had no reaction what so ever to hr death except a couple of jokes. I think anger is a way of dealing with her death, I think it would be worse to feel nothing at all.

Quote by Philip_pepper
Funeral sucked, in more ways than one.

Couldn't read past this. Need story, now