#1
I'm currently writing my first screenplay for a film my friend and I are making entitled "Alexander Hamilton". Since I never post much anymore I figure I'd give you guys an update as to what I've been up to. These are just a few tiny snippets of conversation. Also, we are doing a fundraiser to help pay for a few things, obviously you're welcome to donate (smooth, I know). The link is in my sig.


I.

"I don’t deny your existence,
why is it that you must
constantly deny mine?"

II.

“How come everything you say sounds as if it would be written in parentheses?”

III.

ALEXANDER:
Are you happy?

SYLVIA:
I’m satisfied, I guess.

ALEXANDER:
I’d rather be miserable than satisfied.

SYLVIA:
Are you happy?

ALEXANDER:
No. I’m miserable.

SYLVIA:
You don’t seem miserable.

ALEXANDER:
The people who seem the happiest are usually the saddest.

SYLVIA:
Well, you don’t seem particularly happy either.

ALEXANDER:
Well, fine.

IV.

ALEXANDER:
I think you love with words.

JONATHAN:
What do you mean?

ALEXANDER:
Margaret, I mean. I think your love for her is an…idea. A concept for you to map out in your poetry. Sort of like how a sculptor uses a model.
#3
"I don’t deny your existence,
why is it that you must
constantly deny mine?"
Maybe try either 'Continuely' or 'continue to' or something. I am just not a huge fan of constantly

It is good to see that you are still writing in this forum even after my years of inactivity. As far as this work goes, I am not much in the screenplay so I cannot tell you much of what it lacks. But it appears to me that it sounds good.
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
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