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#2
Put a thermometer in its bottom.
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
#4
you want to switch it off, and start it up again in safe mode (need to press F8 as it starts up), then download malwarebytes and run a scan
has worked for me in the past
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#5
Rip Ts Pc
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#6
You should buy a Mac.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#7
Quote by Hydra150
you want to switch it off, and start it up again in safe mode (need to press F8 as it starts up), then download malwarebytes and run a scan
has worked for me in the past

IS IT EFFECTIVE? Ill Try it on my laptop when i get home. thanks.
#10
Quote by anvil is god

/obligatory


inb4 ban
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
#11
Quote by anvil is god
/obligatory


*D'ported
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#12
It'll probably be effective.

A few tips to keep from getting more viruses;
Don't download shit from weird porn sites.
Don't type in all caps on forums.
Don't alter your font size or colour in forums.
Don't overuse exclamation points.

Those tips should keep you safe from malicious crap on the internets.
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#13
Put you penis in the usb drive and have sex with it until you orgasm. Go to the doctor and have him provide you with a cure for the virus you just got. If it's in liquid form, pour it on the motherboard, if in tabs/pills, crush it and spread it on your keyboard.

Problem solved.

/sarcasm
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#15
Quote by jazz_rock_feel
Why are you yelling?

It's really loud where he is.
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#16
Stop watching beastiality vids you sick bastard and stick to reputable smut like 2 Girls 1 Cup type of stuff.
#18
Quote by ErikLensherr
You should buy a Mac.



No. Mac's have viruses too.


Boot in safe mode, run malware bytes.
#19
download the following programs

AVG Free to scan and remove any viruses, always use a virus scanner...

Spybot Search and Destroy, this will get rid of all that malware and adware from all that gay porn you have been watching.

next time only download your porn from a reputable source
2011 Gibson Honeyburst LP Trad. w/ SD Whole Lotta Humbuckers
2014 Gibson Ocean Water Standard Plus
Marshall Haze 15W Head/Cab
Hughes & Kettner Tubemeister 5
#20
Quote by naguenyong vinx
IS IT EFFECTIVE? Ill Try it on my laptop when i get home. thanks.


It's super Effective!
#22
I already linked to it, silly.
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#23
Quote by AJScott
No. Mac's have viruses too.


Boot in safe mode, run malware bytes.

Not as many. Plus then he'll have a Mac.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#24
Quote by naguenyong vinx
What is The Best Virus Scanner?? that i can download free..



Sail upon the open skies
#25
Aside from Malwarebytes, which only scans and doesn't prevent you from getting malware in the first place, you should download Microsoft Security Essentials. I've never had a virus in my life.
sunbather is shit
#26
Quote by beefcake122
Aside from Malwarebytes, which only scans and doesn't prevent you from getting malware in the first place, you should download Microsoft Security Essentials. I've never had a virus in my life.

Can you give me sir a download link for that Microsoft Security Essentials.
#28
"My Laptop Has A Virus"
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: New York Voices, as well as the new Vulfpeck record (fuck it's so good)


You throw like a girl. A girl who is great at baseball and has a fiery passion for the sport.
#30
relevant:
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
#31
Quote by the bartender
relevant:

Well that's not accurate.
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#33
Quote by Hydra150
you want to switch it off, and start it up again in safe mode (need to press F8 as it starts up), then download malwarebytes and run a scan
has worked for me in the past

Malware bytes only detects malware. That said, do all of that. On top of that, though, also run Windows Defender and any anti-virus software you have.

I personally recommend Avast Anti-Virus, which is free and has a "gaming/silent mode". It uses up less cpu cycles than AVG or Symantec (or other similar antivirus programs). You could probably download Avast in safe mode.


Another two good programs to run (but which I wouldn't run in safe mode) are "CCleaner" and "Revo Uninstaller", both of which are free.

Basic CCleaner Steps:

Warning: Before following the below steps, write down all your internet passwords. You should have these written down anyway, but a lot of people neglect to do that. CCleaner cleans your temporary internet cache (among other things), which means it could delete most of your passwords. So, unless you have them all memorized, then write down your passwords somewhere.

Download and install it (simply search google for it) > Click on the Cleaner tab > Click analyze and let it do its thing > Click Run Cleaner and let it do its thing > then Click on the Registry tab > Click Scan for Issues > Click Fix Issues (the warnings are meaningless, btw)


Basic Revo Uninstaller Steps:
Download and install it > Click on the Tools Tab > Click on Autorun Manager > Uncheck things like update software and steam
This means any unchecked items will NOT turn on at startup, which increases the speed at which your PC starts up and uses less cpu cycles; ideally, you only want programs running when either you are using them or when the computer needs them to run basic functions

Warning: Do NOT turn off things like your anti-virus or anything that has a Launch path like "C:\Windows\system32\". Those types of items are needed to run system processes and should be always running.

Note that, on the main screen of this program, you can also uninstall programs. That process also removes any files associated with the program automatically (including hidden bin files or cache files, which are a pain in the ass for you to find usually). As such, I actually prefer it over the basic Windows Uninstaller.



One other thing to note is that your PC should NEVER be running two anti-virus programs at once. If it is, then turn off Windows Defender and turn on your dedicated anti-virus. If you have two dedicated anti-viruses, then uninstall one of them. (You only need one.)
Last edited by crazysam23_Atax at Apr 23, 2013,
#34
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
One other thing to note is that your PC should NEVER be running two anti-virus programs at once. If it is, then turn off Windows Defender and turn on your dedicated anti-virus. If you have two dedicated anti-viruses, then uninstall one of them. (You only need one.)


Windows Defender runs fine alongside Avast.
#35
Quote by Hydra150
Well that's not accurate.

How dare you question XKCD's accurateness ?
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
#36
Quote by hriday_hazarika
Windows Defender runs fine alongside Avast.

It's not that it doesn't; it's that it's superfluous. It uses up cpu cycles that don't need to be used up.
#37
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
It's not that it doesn't; it's that it's superfluous. It uses up cpu cycles that don't need to be used up.


I think modern computers can handle a few extra cycles.

It's not like most users have all their cores at 100% all the time.
#38
Quote by hriday_hazarika
I think modern computers can handle a few extra cycles.

Of course they can. I just try to not use more than needed when I can.
#39
There can actually be problems when you run two AV softwares. Definitely not just CPU cycles. At best it's just an issue of system resources. At worst it's a matter of the scans actually missing viruses or potentially even file corruption.

http://www.security-faqs.com/why-shouldnt-i-install-more-than-one-antivirus-program-at-a-time.html

Having two installed isn't necessarily a problem, it's having two running at the same time.
#40
Quote by jazz_rock_feel
There can actually be problems when you run two AV softwares. Definitely not just CPU cycles. At best it's just an issue of system resources. At worst it's a matter of the scans actually missing viruses or potentially even file corruption.

http://www.security-faqs.com/why-shouldnt-i-install-more-than-one-antivirus-program-at-a-time.html

Having two installed isn't necessarily a problem, it's having two running at the same time.

That's what I was getting at, yes.
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