#1
hi pit!
i haven't been an active user of UG for quite some time but have been chit chatting at work with colleagues about a situation i've found myself in and thought it might be of interest to the fine folks of the pit.

i got introduced to this guy called daniel by my girlfriend who is ... well, i'm not sure if his mum is abusive or just unhealthily overbearing, but she's not doing him any good anyway. so he's lonely and miserable and socially undeveloped to say the least and we've been bringing him to the pub or to bars every now and then and had him over to my flat when i threw a party a month or two ago. not because he's fun to be around (he ain't) but because maybe we could get him to figure out how to be a proper functioning human being instead of just miserable and lonely and terrified of his mum.

how it tends to go is we'll go to a bar or whatever, and at some point he'll decide to just stick around awkwardly for as long as possible instead of going home. so he's ended up staying over at mine a few times.

the last time he stayed at mine, he crashed in the living room and we went back to my room to sleep. woke up the next day to find out that he had come into my room while we were sleeping and take at least one photo of us sleeping. without clothes on.

i confronted him about this when i found out because i was .. well, so f*cking creeped out it's untrue. he said that he had come in to tidy my room up a bit (what?!) and thought that we were so 'adorable' that he had to take a picture and sorry 'if' it made me uncomfortable.

it makes me v uncomfortable and i'm thinking i can't ever see the guy ever ever again. fine by me, didn't particularly like seeing him that much anyway but just wanted to do a good deed.

i could go into more detail about the guy but i figure i'll try and avoid writing a tl;dr straight off the bat.

not sure why i posted this story other than because it's given me lots and lots of uncomfortable lulz and thought it might do the same for you.

ps. his diet consists of one kfc snack box a day.
pps. we went to a cuban bar and he ordered berry cider. :/
#2
TL;DR: TS gonna get raped and killed by some dude. GF is gonna watch and fingerblast herself
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




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#3
Quote by kthxbi

pps. we went to a cuban bar and he ordered berry cider. :/

Koppaberg is good shit m8
#4
Well that story took an unexpected twist
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#6
that mummy has a nice set of chompers
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Stay classy, pit.
#7
From the sounds of it he has some kind of learning disability. He probably needs professional help.
.
#9

i confronted him about this when i found out because i was .. well, so f*cking creeped out it's untrue. he said that he had come in to tidy my room up a bit (what?!) and thought that we were so 'adorable' that he had to take a picture and sorry 'if' it made me uncomfortable.

Isn't that a compliment?
But when all Space has been beheld
And all Dominion shown
The smallest Human Heart's extent
Reduces it to none.
#10
Dat nigga's duller that a bag of busted lightbulbs.
I shall grant you three wishes.

None of which will work.


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I like my women how I like my guitars. Curvy and like it when I finger them.
#11
So what exactly is your pet project for 2013?
Rhythm in Jump. Dancing Close to You.

Quote by element4433
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#13
Quote by Haytham
Isn't that a compliment?
it was meant as one. i just found it creepy.

Quote by Lemoninfluence
So what exactly is your pet project for 2013?
sorry, should have explained that better - he was kind of the pet project in that i hoped that after bringing him to a party or two, a few pubs and bars here and there, introducing him to people, etc, he might... i dunno, develop into someone who could fend for himself socially and y'know, become a happy human being.

but as has been suggested by one or two posters here, he might need a lot more help than i could give him.

re: the mummy thing ... as a resident of england, i don't use 'mom'. glad you got a kick outta that though.

EDIT:
Quote by willT08
Koppaberg is good shit m8
i know a lotta people like it. i personally can't stand it. it just seemed a little ... well, unadventurous maybe. i figured the whole point of going to a cuban bar would be to get a taste of something a bit different to the usual.
Last edited by kthxbi at Apr 24, 2013,
#14
You got some weirdo sleeping on your couch and you're crashed out naked in your room after drinking all night?

You are an idiot.
#15
Quote by 5_Years_Dead
You got some weirdo sleeping on your couch and you're crashed out naked in your room after drinking all night?

You are an idiot.
i got a friend of my lady friend sleeping on the couch... i was blissfully unaware of how loose a grip he had on social norms up until then. ''crashed out naked'' is a little bit of a deliberate misinterpretation ... we'd gone to bed. sorry if that seems weird to you.
#16
lots of weird dudes out there, if only you knew what he was thinking. Maybe he's thinking nice thoughts about everything...and fapping to the pic
#17
I really hope he's just an amazing IRL troll.
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I'm cockblocked regularly by my appearance and personality.
#18
if he is, he's brilliant.

i said to him once that he should come over and have a few beers and listen to a few records sometime or whatever - i showed him a few and he'd really liked them so figured that would be a good place to start. and his answer was 'umm i guess if you really want ... i know i'm not fun to be around or anything'
and i just thought jeeezzzz gimme something to work with here kid

question - do you think i should ditch him? cuz i mean - that's fully the plan. he's a nice enough guy and is totally harmless and means well but he's just too much hard work and too f*cking weird for me to ever want to be around him. BUT all that said, it feels a bit like setting him up just to knock him down as he's going to go back to having nobody to hang out with or experience normal everyday social life with or anything like that. so it feels kinda mean.
Last edited by kthxbi at Apr 24, 2013,
#19
Does he feel sad for not having a normal social life? If he doesn't seem bothered with it leave him be lol. If he trully wants to change and gain some social skills you should keep helping him out IMO. I mean, he did something creepy, but was that really that bad?
You should totally have a talk with him about how inappropriate that was and how that made you feel tho.
Quote by slapsymcdougal
I'm cockblocked regularly by my appearance and personality.
#20
yeah, he's always really grateful to have been brought out and stuff. this is a bit weird but not THAT bad i guess - it's more just the general vibe of hanging out with him is a downer, this was just kinda the creepy straw that broke the camel's back.

he can't fill in conversation at all ... like, if you're chatting with him, you gotta feed every topic and hope he replies with something other than kinda mumbling nervously. and if there's a gap in conversation, he just sits there and stares downwards every time. and at the party at mine, i introduced him to a few people and we were all chit chatting and it was fine but then when a few people i hadn't seen in a few months arrived, i went over to say hi to them and chat for a while, and then about 15 minutes later when i looked back he was just sat there on his own not having attempted to speak to anyone.

it's kind of just a total lack of self confidence but it's also totally defeatist and no matter how many times i've kinda gently told him that if he just tries to believe in himself a little more then he will actually end up believing in himself, he just doesn't seem to really be interested in or capable of making any steps to improving himself... it all kind of has to be fed to him.

he's not a nasty guy and i'm sure this was him just being nice and stuff... it was just kind of an indicator of just how far off he was from adjusting to socialising and stuff.
#21
Buy contraceptives and hope for a black out.
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#22
I didn't think I'd ahve to put this but...

A man taking a naked photograph of you and your girlfriend while you sleep is definitely weird and it is that bad. What the hell.
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#23
>project
>not involving woodwork or metalwork
>supposed to hold a REAL MAN's interest

I think not
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#24
Quote by kthxbi
he can't fill in conversation at all ... like, if you're chatting with him, you gotta feed every topic and hope he replies with something other than kinda mumbling nervously. and if there's a gap in conversation, he just sits there and stares downwards every time. and at the party at mine, i introduced him to a few people and we were all chit chatting and it was fine but then when a few people i hadn't seen in a few months arrived, i went over to say hi to them and chat for a while, and then about 15 minutes later when i looked back he was just sat there on his own not having attempted to speak to anyone.

... it all kind of has to be fed to him.


From what you've said, it honestly sounds to me like he has some kind of pervasive developmental disorder. For people with PDD things like learning social etiquette or knowing how to carry a conversation aren't natural to they same degree they are in neurotypical people. I would recommend asking him if he's ever been to see a Doctor about that kind of thing and if he's already diagnosed with something. Also if you are going to continue trying to be his friend, try and be more empathetic and understand that social skills which come easily to you might not be so obvious or easy for him, and talk over your frustrations with him, he probably isn't as aware that he's doing things wrong as you are.
.
#25
How about you threaten to tell the cops about his peeping if he comes around you again? Clearly, the dude has issues with privacy.
#26
Get rid of the weirdo.
Also, I seen that photo, your bitch is hot.
Fappity fap.
#27
dude he's obviously tearing his dick off to that picture. Get rid of him before he tears your head off
#28
sheet, to clarify, we were under a cover. it was pretty clear we didnt have clothes on but nothing really was uh... on display.

agree that he probably has genuine problems that can't be explained by just being awkward, and try to be empathetic and understanding with him, but i guess it's just... probably what he needs is to be told things more bluntly such as when it's home time or what's what, it's just always seemed like the path of least resistance is to try and hope he can take hints and i don't have to spell things out to him.

it's not really a case of my wanting or not wanting to be the guy's pal, i just hoped maybe that maladjusted might be a little easier to improve on than it has been. maybe that's me being thoughtless, i dunno... have tried to help the guy out but this was just a funny / creepy example of the kind of problem that has presented itself as a result of hanging out with him now and then.
Last edited by kthxbi at Apr 24, 2013,
#29
So you've decided he is socially inept as a result of a controlling and potentially abusive mother. Then you decided the best course of action was to take him out of his comfort zone and give him alcohol? Then you thought he'd be okay sleeping on a couch in a house that isn't his. Then you figured you would do this a few times and he would become socially adept and you could then never see him again.

I think you should seek professional help for yourself.

Don't let your boat be empty, don't be a sunken dream
Don't let the boat regret thee, for what you could have seen

#30
right, inviting a guy for a few drinks every now and then is somewhat less sinister than you've decided to make it sound. i also didn't make him stay over, he has done on multiple occasions because he seems to enjoy hanging out for a day or two here or there. taking someone out of their comfort zone kinda implies that they were perfectly happy with where they were at before, whereas it was a little more along the lines of introducing him to fun places.

doing none of those things would have meant what, sitting in my living room drinking water and then saying "well dude i know you don't wanna go home but tough luck, no couch for you here"

i'm sorry that (intentionally or not) you've interpreted it as sinister for me to have tried to give a lonely kid a confidence boost and a social circle but somehow i doubt anything i say is going to cut through the cynicism you've got for the situation so.

edited for detail.
Last edited by kthxbi at Apr 24, 2013,
#31
I don't think you're sinister. I think you're behaviour was naive.

Don't let your boat be empty, don't be a sunken dream
Don't let the boat regret thee, for what you could have seen

#32
that's a much more agreeable way of putting it. i like you better than i did before.

it probably was naive. i'm not stupid but i can be real naive sometimes, it's something i'm real aware of. but wording it the way you initially did was pretty uncool.

i guess i just bit off more than i originally figured. the question still does stand for how to approach the situation without... well, if it was pretty much anyone i'd be real blunt but i don't think he's built to handle blunt. i don't think he'd take it well if asked if he had ever seen a doctor about this kind of thing either, as earlier suggested
#33
I don't envy the position you find yourself in. Why don't you offer to take him back to his place? Do you drive?

Don't let your boat be empty, don't be a sunken dream
Don't let the boat regret thee, for what you could have seen

#34
i don't drive naw, and he lives outside of london while i live in zone two of london. also, i really doubt hed wanna go back to his, he isn't allowed a house key or anything and i don't get the impression he ever likes being at his.

a lot of it I think is fixable by just proving to his mum that yes he's going to go out and have a social life but that he won't die or anything as a result. i don't think personally that she's actually abusive so much as just harmful by how she acts as a parent. but it's not a topic I've pushed.
#35
Sounds like he's got aspergers. That's not something you can "fix" by hanging out with him, so i wouldn't force myself to do it if i were you.
#36
I am so profoundly disappointed after reading the OP.

I thought by "pet project" it was gonna be something cool...like...anything other than this.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#37
Quote by Xiaoxi
I am so profoundly disappointed after reading the OP.

I thought by "pet project" it was gonna be something cool...like...anything other than this.

the pit's been going downhill for a while now.
#38
Quote by kthxbi
the pit's been going downhill for a while now.

Maybe, but I think people use this excuse way too often.