I heard a man scream,
not for any kind of help
and certainly not for me.
But I'm a hero
complex and self serving
pursuing adoration

To save a life is to
make up for leaving her alone
but shouting at nothing in the dark
never did anything for anyone
I leave my friend for glory
and a ghost that isn't real

Converse ripped and mud drunk
thinking what the living ****
am I doing in this field
wanting to be needed
for half of half a second.
Or half of half of that.

I almost wanted him
to die in front of me
wishing pain on him so I could feel less selfish.
I'm hopeless, helpless, blue
a hopeless hapless fool.