#1
Hi guys, this is just a little something I wrote today, quite simple, not too complex. It's intended to be a lo-fi, post punk-ish garage rock song.

Little Man

There's a little man
That lives under my bed
His name is Alastor
And came out of my head

He speaks to me
Almost everyday
I want him out
Don't like the things he says


What do you think?
Beau, oui, comme Bowie
#2
This person is a schizophrenic? Alastor doesn't like the person's "original" mind, and wants to destroy them? Or, the person made up Alastor and their destructive personality because the person has low self esteem?
Caution:
This post may contain my opinion and/or inaccurate information.

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#3
Yes, it's about a destructive immaginary friend, we can assume the narrator is a schizofrenic. I want just to hint it, rather than just make a full detailed description of that in the lyrics. What do you think?
Beau, oui, comme Bowie
#4
I understand that. If you wanted to expand on it you could play off of the idea of man vs. man. Struggling with some kind of inner demons and Alastor is the whole of all of those doubts, fears, etc., that the main character has. You could definitely do some cool things if you expanded on it.
Caution:
This post may contain my opinion and/or inaccurate information.

Current Rig:
2006 PRS CE-24
Mesa/Boogie Mark V
Voltage S212 w/ V30's
Strymon Timeline
CMATMods Signa Drive
TC Electronics Corona & Hall of Fame
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#7
I think you've made it quite obvious already the idea that the subject is a schizophrenic with the lines "he came out of my head" and "he speaks to me" etc. You should look further into using descriptive imagery to layer an underlying theme of schizophrenia with the emotional, physical and mental state of the speaker. It's hard to write lyrics in the first person about such a personal, inner condition without giving away the obvious theme so you should consider taking a step back from the very direct speech here and consider more abstract language.
#8
Maybe changing the line "And came out of my head" for something a little more subtle? Also, I'm working on another verse which explains the tense relation between this character, Alastor, and the narrator.

I'll keep you posted guys.

Thanks!
Beau, oui, comme Bowie
#9
I really like it so far!

I would like to see it finished and recorded (I hope you are writing music to it too)

I'm not born english speaker, so I don't think I can help you with that verse you are willing to change; but to me it seems just fine how and where it is in the song
#10
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#11
Looks great so far. It's nice how you use words that make people think instead of making it a dead giveaway right from the start, as complexity (or lack thereof) can make or break a song.
Last edited by BeatlesFan789 at Nov 9, 2013,