#1
I was drunk at a bar the other night and I told a girl I met that I would ejaculate so deep into her pussy that she would cough up my semen. Needless to say, she was not impressed.
#2
so did she cough it up?
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#3
Quote by Da Bizniz
I was drunk at a bar the other night and I told a girl I met that I would ejaculate so deep into her pussy that she would cough up my semen. Needless to say, she was not impressed.


Of course she wasn't impressed by that, your knowledge of anatomy is horrible.
I Have An Avant Garde Fetish....
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Im in no way an amateur. I masturbate in public all the time.
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Don't worry, rape will always find a back way in
#5
Doing it doggy style:

"My last girlfriend was way better at this"
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#6
I once admitted to thinking of another girl when humpin' a girl. The other girl was her sister.
#7
i once told my mom that she was old

still old, for that matter
i don't know why i feel so dry
#8
We had been seeing each other for like 3 months. Happened to be making out, I was incredibly stoned.

Her: "I think about you all the time. Do you think about me?"
Me: "No, not really."

Relationship over in 2 seconds flat.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#9
Her "I love you"
Me "Thanks"

That didn't go to well
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Void is a wanker that's why

#10
There was a girl in my mutual friend group that after two years of constantly and openly disliking each other we attempted to be friends. It was going fine for a bit and then I saw her with some other friends at a promenade and went to say hello and she pretended to not know me. It was quite rude and I was pretty embarrassed so I threw some food at her to make myself feel better about the situation, I don't remember what specifically. The next day at school she came up to me and cussed at me for 10 minutes straight and called me every insult I can think of. At the end of her rant she asked if I had anything to say and I left her with, "No matter what you say and how bad you make me feel at least I have the security of knowing there's someone fatter and less intelligent than me in the world."
She walked away crying and never ate lunch with us again...but it was nonetheless awkward to have her in a class or something throughout high school after that.
Currently Playing:
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#11
"Congratulations! When is the baby due?"

She wasn't pregnant.
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Sadly this is Ultimate-guitar, not Simple-guitar. We can't help you.


#15
Called a girl a cunt once. Probably the meanest thing i've ever said to a lady.
Sail upon the open skies
#18
Drunk in a club, I was at that weird stage where you're on the precipice of memory loss. Every now and then I'd come to and I'd have no idea where I was. Well, one time in a sudden fit of sobriety I had some girl sticking her tongue down my throat. I immediately tore my face away, took one look at her and, being the brutally honest drunk I am, simply said "Nope." and walked off.


I am a cunt.
I shall grant you three wishes.

None of which will work.


Does the above post enrage, offend or confuse you?

Good.


I like my women how I like my guitars. Curvy and like it when I finger them.
Last edited by BeefWellington at May 18, 2013,
#19
A girl in my GCSE English class did a presentation on the Make A Wish foundation where she showed a clip of her with a dolphin. She wasn't ******ed or anything, so at the end when she welcomed questions, I asked her "What's wrong with you then?".


Turns out she had brain cancer.
#20
Quote by K'Nuckles
A girl in my GCSE English class did a presentation on the Make A Wish foundation where she showed a clip of her with a dolphin. She wasn't ******ed or anything, so at the end when she welcomed questions, I asked her "What's wrong with you then?".


Turns out she had brain cancer.


Ok, screw my post, this guy is a cunt.
I shall grant you three wishes.

None of which will work.


Does the above post enrage, offend or confuse you?

Good.


I like my women how I like my guitars. Curvy and like it when I finger them.
#21
Quote by Deliriumbassist
I misread lady as baby and laughed aloud. I thought you should know.



Sail upon the open skies
#23
Saw an old evil ex. Told her she had not aged well.

Hate that bitch, so, I was actually being fairly nice.
#24
I fuck up small talk with teh wimminz on a daily basis
Quote by element4433
What if the way their wieners were positioned they could only pee into each other's mouths?

And one had his finger joined to the other's butthole?

PLAY
UG
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Or don't. Yeah don't.
#25
Quote by snipelfritz
We had been seeing each other for like 3 months. Happened to be making out, I was incredibly stoned.

Her: "I think about you all the time. Do you think about me?"
Me: "No, not really."

Relationship over in 2 seconds flat.

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On the come up we were listening to Grateful Dead and the music started passing through my bowel and out my arsehole as this violet stream of light. I shat music. It was beautiful.
#26
Quote by snipelfritz
We had been seeing each other for like 3 months. Happened to be making out, I was incredibly stoned.

Her: "I think about you all the time. Do you think about me?"
Me: "No, not really."

Relationship over in 2 seconds flat.


Quote by FireFromTheVoid
Her "I love you"
Me "Thanks"

That didn't go to well



did both to the same one person, the relationship kept going for a few more months.
#28
I made a dead baby joke in front of a girl that had a miscarriage. That was pretty bad. To be fair though, I had just met her a week before I told it and had no idea that she was once pregnant.
e-married to Jack (bladez)
#29
I love telling this story, and most people love hearing it.

So I have a pretty dark and twisted sense of humor and quite a few of my friends are the same way so we are constantly screwing around with each other. One day I decided to mess around with my buddy and I sent him a text message out of the blue that said "Hey, I just found a really cheap hooker on craigslist, wanna double her with me" I then proceeded to chuckle at my random shenanigans. I looked down at my phone screen waiting for a response when it hit me like a mack truck. I realized I had just sent this text message to my girlfriend at the time and not my buddy. I immediately had that feeling of "well I am totally ****ed" and I figured that our relationship was over. Needles to say I was wrong, to my surprise she texted me back saying "ewwwww not a dirty craigslist hooker" and then our relationship got better, so while it was the worst thing I have said it worked out to my benefit.
2011 Gibson Honeyburst LP Trad. w/ SD Whole Lotta Humbuckers
2014 Gibson Ocean Water Standard Plus
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#31
Quote by Da Bizniz
I was drunk at a bar the other night and I told a girl I met that I would ejaculate so deep into her pussy that she would cough up my semen. Needless to say, she was not impressed.


That's pretty legendary.

I'm pretty harmless, honestly. Even when I'm drunk the most offensive thing I tell girls is that they're cute granted, that's worked a few times

I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting about but I'm pretty careful about what I say. Or I just hang out with people who don't care.

Quote by ne14t
I love telling this story, and most people love hearing it.


To be honest, if she had done anything other than give that response or laugh about it you're dating an uptight bitch.
Last edited by Rockford_rocks at May 18, 2013,
#33
this girl i talk to, had long pink dreads. they werent all over the place, they just kind of slicked back. i said "wow cool, just like the predator" she went quiet and stayed quiet for a week. when i saw her again, her hair was different, blond without dreadlocks.
#35
I've never said anything anything bad to a girl.

lololo, but really I don't have it in me to say rude things to anyone. I know I have before but I can't think of what.
#36
girl today was talking about how she wanted to get out of the house cause her dad was in a shit mood over work or someat

"you're so disrespectful. go in there and suck daddy's dick and make him happy. you at least owe him that"

i don't usually remember shit i say but that's prob the worst in the last 3 or 4 hours
modes are a social construct
#37
I can't remember being really rude or disrespectful to any females. Well, there was the girl I liked in 7-8th grade. In 7th grade we were pretty good friends, sat next to eachother every day, but I was dumb.

I was just taking the "lololol I'm so mean but not really" approach, mainly because I didn't really know what else to say. So basically I'd just tell her to shut up all the time and stuff and make fun of everything she did, normally kinda laughing about it though so she'd know. It was more like dumb flirting if anything. I think she actually found it really amusing and I was pretty good at it, she actually started introducing me to her friends and stuff, even begged me for a hug one time. I still think there was a small chance she liked me back.

I continued liking her throughout 8th grade though and we kinda lost touch, I only saw her walking out of the art class I was going into. For a while though she was in my class to make up a project. I basically went over and told her it was the ugliest thing I've ever seen in front of her friends and she flipped out and started crying. Smooth.
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#38
In year 7 there was this girl who like me and was always like "Hi Evan" really loud in front of everyone, like going out of her way to sayhi and then run off. It was annoying as ****, and one day I just snapped and grabbed her and yelled "WHY ARE YOU SO FRIENDLY!!!!!!!!".
#39
I called over a bartender by saying ''female, come here!'' (actually I said it in french because this was a bar in Hull), she would've vaporized me with her laser beam eyes had it not been for my friend who instantly pulled me out of the bar and dragged the rest of us to another bar. Dirty Hull, good times.

Other than that, I tend to be pretty cold towards female feelings. And I've been pretty snappy with my girlfriend at times.
Last edited by metalblaster at May 18, 2013,
#40
Quote by trivialrevenge
this girl i talk to, had long pink dreads. they werent all over the place, they just kind of slicked back. i said "wow cool, just like the predator" she went quiet and stayed quiet for a week. when i saw her again, her hair was different, blond without dreadlocks.

Only a woman would take a comparison to the predator as an insult.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA