#1
She's had cancer for the last 5 or 6 years. There had been ups and downs and last month she took a complete dive. When I got home from college on summer break last week I went to see her and she was in a hospital bed in her living room, her legs weren't working and she could barely talk.

The last few days we've known she was going to go and my mom went to visit her every day. I got home from hanging with a friend an hour or so ago and I hadn't been home five minutes before my mom got a call from my grandpa telling her that my grandma had passed.

She was on painkillers, she was mostly out of it, and she just went to sleep.

This is the first real loss I've ever experienced. I haven't cried yet, I'm just in this weird shock state where I don't feel anything. My mom's a wreck and went to my grandpa's house with her brother. I couldn't deal with that so I didn't go.

I don't feel any emotion right now. It's barely set in. The only thing I feel is sick to my stomach.

I just needed to get this out to someone.
Quote by willT08
Quote by HowSoonisNow
How was Confucius death metal?
You've clearly never read any Confuscius.

As I wait on the edge of the earth,
I can see the walls being torn down again
Only to be rebuilt in another name,
On a different day
#2
It's ok man. We all have to go through this at some point or another. I'm sorry for your loss and may she rest in peace.
Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all
#3
Aw man dude, I'm so sorry

Losing someone close puts you into that weird state where you know in your head that she's gone, but the true gravity of the loss is still hanging around, waiting to either hit you full force a while later, or to disappear and allow you to accept the death in a more peaceful way.
#4
My grandparents are both dead and it sucks because of how hilariously racist my grandfather was, all of his stories were great too, and my grandmother had alzheimer's so she was always saying crazy things that made me laugh.

But they're better off dead than suffering. I liked them, I don't want them to suffer. Like I said, it sucks, but they're better off not feeling anything than feeling an immense amount of pain or barely being alive at all.

Not sure what else to say really. Cheer up, and go talk to your family. They're the ones who need you, not anyone else in this forum.
#5
Quote by severed-metal
Not sure what else to say really. Cheer up, and go talk to your family. They're the ones who need you, not anyone else in this forum.

This is true, this is not the time to escape to the internet. This is the time to be with your loved ones.
#6
I'm glad that she went in a peaceful, painless way. The two times I went to see her nearly made me legitimately sick because I felt so bad that she was in such a vulnerable position.

It may sound stupid to some people but I think that we're all connected in the universe and that we have higher consciousness levels, and her soul has been freed from this form and she's now just consciousness, part of the universe and in no pain or sadness, just joy and ecstatic wonder.

Again it may sound absurd but it's what I choose to believe, and I don't feel horrified that she's gone because I think she's in a better place.
Quote by willT08
Quote by HowSoonisNow
How was Confucius death metal?
You've clearly never read any Confuscius.

As I wait on the edge of the earth,
I can see the walls being torn down again
Only to be rebuilt in another name,
On a different day
#7
i had a similar experience with my grandmother. you'll cry eventually, and it will feel right.
i don't know why i feel so dry
#9
Quote by thePTOD
I'm glad that she went in a peaceful, painless way. The two times I went to see her nearly made me legitimately sick because I felt so bad that she was in such a vulnerable position.

It may sound stupid to some people but I think that we're all connected in the universe and that we have higher consciousness levels, and her soul has been freed from this form and she's now just consciousness, part of the universe and in no pain or sadness, just joy and ecstatic wonder.

Again it may sound absurd but it's what I choose to believe, and I don't feel horrified that she's gone because I think she's in a better place.



I'm sorry man. I feel the same as your second paragraph, I lost my Father and felt just as you wrote that.

Try to be strong for your Mom, she needs you now more than ever.
Uncle aciD

&

The deadbeatS


Do What Your Love Tells You
#10


I lost my grandmother last year, and it sucks. If you wanna talk to someone you can always PM me
#11
Sorry, man. Don't feel bad if you don't end up feeling all that sad.
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#12
Quote by thePTOD
She's had cancer for the last 5 or 6 years. There had been ups and downs and last month she took a complete dive. When I got home from college on summer break last week I went to see her and she was in a hospital bed in her living room, her legs weren't working and she could barely talk.

The last few days we've known she was going to go and my mom went to visit her every day. I got home from hanging with a friend an hour or so ago and I hadn't been home five minutes before my mom got a call from my grandpa telling her that my grandma had passed.

She was on painkillers, she was mostly out of it, and she just went to sleep.

This is the first real loss I've ever experienced. I haven't cried yet, I'm just in this weird shock state where I don't feel anything. My mom's a wreck and went to my grandpa's house with her brother. I couldn't deal with that so I didn't go.

I don't feel any emotion right now. It's barely set in. The only thing I feel is sick to my stomach.

I just needed to get this out to someone.



I can't really speak from first hand experience since I havn't really had anybody I now die but my girlfriends grandad died of cancer a year or two ago, and he had been fighting it for a good while aswell so I remember.

She loved her grandad a lot and was also her first real loss (other than those at young age you don't really remember or understand at the time) and she was basically the same, she knew she was sad but other than that she didn't cry or show any emotion pretty much acting as she usually would, until one day she just broke down in tears.
It was pretty tough to watch her deal with it, especially when she hadn't cried and it was obvious she wanted to, but obviously nowhere near as hard as it would of been for her.

Just deal with it at your own pace, if you feel like letting your emotions out just do it rather than hold it in and keep close with your mother because she probably needs somebody aswell, I assume it is her mother afterall.
When I was eleven I broke the patio window and my mother sued me... She's always been a very aggressive litigator.
#13
My grandma died in 2010 and my grandpa in December so I can relate to how you're feeling. The family support aspect other people have talked about is the most important so just remember that. I tried to keep in perspective that when my grandma died my mom lost a mother and my grandpa a wife of ~65 years, so I tried to be as helpful as I could.

It sounds strange, but the time with family as well as friends from their community after her funeral was pretty uplifting, all things considered. The main focus was on positive memories, funny stories and so forth; it was my first experience with the death of a relative and I certainly wasn't prepared for so many people to be laughing on the day of a funeral. You certainly won't forget about the loss, obviously, and all I could remember for the longest time was thinking how strange it was that this person I had known simply ceased to be there anymore, but you might find that the time spent with family does you a lot of good. Don't worry about whether or not you're crying or whatever or expressing yourself in the "correct" way, everyone is different and every circumstance is different.

Personally, the hardest part for me was the visits to the hospital toward the end. My grandma had a stroke and was largely unresponsive until she died, and my grandpa went from a normal guy on Thanksgiving to being bedridden and infected seriously enough that all visitors had to wear gowns and gloves within the span of three weeks. On both occasions I think I started dealing with the losses (so to speak) during those hospital visits. Though neither was dead, I essentially recognized that the people I had known for years were gone by that point, dead or alive. That realization is what made everything more comforting once I knew they didn't have to be confined to an existence consisting of a hospital room.

Basically, just be there for your family and the rest will work itself out naturally. I often thought of how many friends of mine had grandparents die when they were young, and I was thankful that I got 21 years of both grandparents and could take away that much life experience with them. Since you said you came home from college I'm assuming you're at a somewhat similar age, so just know that you'll at least have a lot of good stuff to look back on.

If you want to talk though, feel free to shoot me a PM.
#15
Quote by thePTOD


This is the first real loss I've ever experienced. I haven't cried yet, I'm just in this weird shock state where I don't feel anything.


My grandpa passed out last month and I experienced the same thing, I started crying just some days after. He died in his sleep but he wasn't sick or anything, so we're still pretty much under shock.
#16
I'm sorry dude. I know exactly how that feels.

Just try to keep your head up high and remember all the good stuff and try to forget about the bad. It will get easier with time.
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#18
^Get outta here!


Know exactly how you feel It's been a few years since my Grandma passed away. She had cancer too, we didn't know about it until the doctors gave her a few days to live, came as a complete and utter shock, never saw it coming.
The only other family member that died in my life time was my grandad (on my mums side, my grandma is on my dads) and I was young so I didn't quite know how to feel. I went through the same stage of shock as you, you probably will let it all go and have a good cry eventually. All built up emotions shall be expelled from your body soon!

I hope getting it all out on here has helped you man!
*heterohugs*
#19
When a loss really hits you it sucks so enjoy this brief numbness of shock.
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#20
yeah, if you haven't gone over to see your family, you should. if not for yourself, then for them.

one of the positive things about death is it brings family and friends very close together. it'll help with the grieving process. although it sounds like you're still in shock. once you have the wake/funeral it'll hit you.
#DTWD
#21
Quote by thePTOD
She's had cancer for the last 5 or 6 years. There had been ups and downs and last month she took a complete dive. When I got home from college on summer break last week I went to see her and she was in a hospital bed in her living room, her legs weren't working and she could barely talk.

The last few days we've known she was going to go and my mom went to visit her every day. I got home from hanging with a friend an hour or so ago and I hadn't been home five minutes before my mom got a call from my grandpa telling her that my grandma had passed.

She was on painkillers, she was mostly out of it, and she just went to sleep.

This is the first real loss I've ever experienced. I haven't cried yet, I'm just in this weird shock state where I don't feel anything. My mom's a wreck and went to my grandpa's house with her brother. I couldn't deal with that so I didn't go.

I don't feel any emotion right now. It's barely set in. The only thing I feel is sick to my stomach.

I just needed to get this out to someone.


I know what that is like. I felt the exact shock and had stomach pain, but I didn't cry, and to this day, I still haven't.

Just wait until it sinks in that everyone you love will die one day.

Then you'll truly cry.

So love who you have while you still have them.

*brohug*
#22
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#23
I feel you. My grandma died of cancer 2 years and 5 days ago. She was living with us for the last couple of years. She had been unconscious for just over a day, and she died a few minutes before I left to go take a final at school.

It's sucks, but that's life. Gotta just keep going.
#24
Just remember that it's perfectly okay to grieve after something like this. I'm sorry man
#25
so sorry man. may she rest in peace.

I know exactly how you feel, that numb, empty state of mind. It'll hit you in a little bit but after a few days it starts to get better and you come to terms with the fact that she's out of her suffering now and was able to go in peace.

take care man
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#26
My mom got home and I was eating a late dinner, we talked for over an hour about my grandma and lots of other stuff. It was really nice, we laughed, and we sighed. No crying though. It nearly hit me but for some reason it didn't actually end up happening. I'm just glad that I could talk to my mom about things and she's doing a bit better now.

We're going to hangout with my grandpa more, for both his and our sake.
Quote by willT08
Quote by HowSoonisNow
How was Confucius death metal?
You've clearly never read any Confuscius.

As I wait on the edge of the earth,
I can see the walls being torn down again
Only to be rebuilt in another name,
On a different day
#27
I know that feel, man. My grandfather died in 2011, we knew he would be going soon so we were somewhat ready. But then about 3-4 months later my grandmother broke her leg, she was in the hospital two weeks and the doc said she would be fine, then she just died. No one expected it.

I won't say the pain just goes away, because it doesn't. Even if you don't feel it at first. Eventually you just gotta stop thinking about it. The pain doesn't weaken, but if you can keep yourself from focusing on it you'll be okay eventually.
this house is bitchin
Last edited by CaptainCanti at May 21, 2013,
#28
I give you my full condolances. I've also lost family members. I've lost two grandfathers, an uncle, and one of my grandmothers. One of my grandfathers died from cancer as well, my grandmother died from Lou Gehrigs disease, my other grandfather passed away when I was 8, and my uncle passed on the same day as my grandfather's funeral. Every now and then I have sudden rushes of sadness for some of them, particularly for the second grandfather I mentioned. The pain will never truly go away. There will always be that connection following you around no matter what you do. Just give it time and you'll find the ability to mourn your loss in due time. No two people deal with something this tragic the same way. When it happens, you'll know it and you feel better about it. Just hang in there and be there for your family. They will be the best support you can really find.
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
#29
That bites hard, bro.

I lost my grandpa a couple years back, and I kid you not, it still hasn't really hit that he's gone. I still catch myself thinking "I need to ask grandpa about this" or "grandpa's gonna love this story" and then it sinks in a little bit. We were super close and losing him blew my mind a bit, to the point where it kind of won't accept that he's not around anymore. I think it's almost the worst to lose your grandparent because it's someone who you're generally really close to, and it usually happens early in life and there's never really a good sense of closure.


Anyhow, excuse my rambling. Shoot me a PM if you need to, I'm totally down with chatting about it if you need to. Just know that we're all here for you, mate. Chin up
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#30
RIP DIME

Really sorry to hear of your loss took me a few days to cry when my grandads passed away

May she RIP
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