#1
trying to get back into writing. here's an OTS

nothing can get in, no oxygen in my blood
and no, i don't need oxy 'cause odds are slim your drugs will fuck me up

no, i don't need the dawn, not when it's pink and red
i roll out of bed and instantly cerberus rears its heads

or one of these other nightmares howls for hours on end

i consider fear an angel sent
like Clarence with an agenda to arrange my life in scenes
with everything i've ever loved in it absent

in that film i walk about dumb and unfazed,
the sun in my eyes, fighting off ultraviolet rays, taking in
sad pleasure in the people passing

they follow their shadows
their darknesses define them

me, my tears fall in the arctic, a year out at sea
they freeze before they make a ripple
and when i breathe in
the wind shrieks as it bounces off
the inside of my skin.
here, My Dear, here it is
Last edited by SubwayToVenus at May 25, 2013,
#2
are you living in ny right now? if so let me know.


keep writing. start doing it often. remind yourself of yourself. or w/e, **** writing, start cooking, start dancing. but you are good at writing.

I understand this is probably an exercise to get you going again. for that, it's good. it seems you had a bit of trouble setting up what it is you wanted to say. I think you could rearrange this a little bit. the part that seemed the strongest to me was this:
" consider fear an angel sent
like Clarence with an agenda to arrange my life in scenes
with everything i've ever loved in it absent

in that film i walk about dumb and unfazed,
the sun in my eyes, fighting off ultraviolet rays, taking in
sad pleasure in the people passing"
what you were saying didn't get stuck in the language you were using, but rather bled in beautifully with the scene, simple and very poignant. you are clever, but anyone can be clever. something that has always set you apart as a writer is your soul - deep and endlessly reflective, amazed, torn, striving just to make those things you hold onto continue to glitter within you. that takes a different kind of intelligence, a very special one. 'clever' is just a perk. wordplay is fun but it will never hit as hard as a solid stare from your mind's eye.
Quote by Arthur Curry
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#3
Quote by SubwayToVenus
i consider fear an angel sent
like Clarence with an agenda to arrange my life in scenes
with everything i've ever loved in it absent

This part
#4
Some words here that are just my concrete formation of the abstract idea Saadia was getting at.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#5
thanks for reading guys. this was definitely an exercise to get words on the paper again. i totally agree with everything you said, saadia. thanks.

i'm actually living and working in chicago at the moment. if you're ever in my neck of the woods, please shoot me a message and we can catch up.
here, My Dear, here it is