#1
C4C of course. Just link / say so and I'll return the crit.
Attachments:
Lilith's Understanding.gp5
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
Last edited by DragTheWaters11 at May 27, 2013,
#2
I hate to bump the topic but I've tried posting on other peoples threads and I still haven't gotten a response.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#3
I definitely have a few comments for this one, just been too busy with work (I'm actually at work right now lol). Maybe this morning or later tomorrow evening, I'll get to it.
#5
The intro is pretty cool, actually. Reminds me of Enslaved. Oh god, it was cool for 4 bars at least. That chord at bar 5 is horribly dissonant. Not in a good way, either.

Bars 13-14 start off pretty epic. By bar 15, though, any potential the riff had kinda diminishes. It didn't go where I was expecting it to, really. Also, the notes that you let ring out in bar 14 really clash in bar 15.

Once again, bar 21 starts off really really cool. Not sure about that 3311 chord in bar 21. As I listen to this riff over and over, I stop noticing it, but I feel like you could achieve the same effect, if not better, by just leaving that chord as 3321. The 0330 chord in bar 22 seems unnecessarily dissonant, too. I feel the same way about the 10-10-8-7 chord in 23, and the 1322 chord in 24. Those chords throw me the fuck off, and it's a shame because I feel like it could be a really cool chord progression. Oh yeah, and the leads are just... Bad. Lmfao. Actually, they're decent in bars 21-23, but after that it all just falls apart.

Bar 29 riff is just weird I dunno what the point of it is.

I hope this doesn't come off as too harsh. Everything from bars 1-28 has a lot of potential. I could genuinely enjoy those riffs if you address the things I mentioned. I mean, you don't have to address them; it's just that if you don't, you've lost a potential fan here
#6
Ugh. Okay I'm done then. Genuinely thought I had something good but I guess not. Thanks.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#7
That's a shame, because I really meant it when I said bars 1-28 have a lot of potential. I'd listen to a song built around those riffs.
#8
Well, for shits and giggles this was a remake of a song I wrote almost 4 years ago now. It's below this post.

The (1) after it is just because I posted it in a thread already way back when.
Attachments:
Following the Pain of Life and Death (1).gp5
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
Last edited by DragTheWaters11 at May 28, 2013,
#9
The start was cool, and some bits work quite nicely, but for instance in bar 15 I felt the dissonance was a bit much, perhaps it's just the midi. I sort-of liked the chord sequence as well, but it was a bit weird. Same for the next section, and the lead. Kinda refreshing but I still prefer something a bit more melodic.

The section at bar 39 was my favourite, drums do a nice job here, although I still there's too much going on for distortion.

I kinda feel like you were trying too hard to use some different chords instead of power chords, and it didn't sound too good some points. The end was a bit much, it could work but I think take some notes out, and same with a few other rich sections.

So yeah, interesting, I think changing around a fair few of the notes making up some of the chords could work, but it was little bit too odd for me. Sorry if that sounds harsh!
#10
as for the original, its kinda bizarre. every time it catches my attention with something, it loses it with another. like red death said, it has a lot of potential, but lacks a lot. as for the remake...

...you probably shouldnt have done that lol. lost a lot of the potential it had. not trying to sound like a dick either, just giving you some constructive criticism
#11
Dude, you've ADDED shit to this! You must have, otherwise I would've commented about how good the stuff post-bar 38 was. And the way it comes back in at 59... So good.

But my crit about the first part still stands
#13
It has some pretty solid riffs, but I think the leads need work, in some points they go off-key in unpleasant ways. Or at least this isn't really my style of soloing, maybe it sounds better played live - take it as you will. Agreed with seb1uk that the bit on 39 is pretty damn powerful, liked it quite a bit. It's funny, the riff on 29 sounds like you're going for something close to death metal but then 39 hits and the whole rest of the song is much more like "post-metal" maybe, and I liked that more.