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#1
i live with my mom and now since recently my sister (and her kid sometimes) and they're both raging alcoholics and have been since i can remember.
they're both on anti-depressants most of the time (yet they're quite depressed most of the time) and my mom is also on xanax, though i'm not sure whether it's for stress or heart disorder or both.
i don't really mind in a selfish way, i'm getting all the love and compassion and shit i need and there's food on the table most days.
we're pretty much living paycheck to paycheck on my moms elementary teacher salary as both me and my sister are students (tho now that skoo is over i got a part time job). and now that my sister is here as well the money being spent on alcohol and cigarettes has doubled and we're pretty much broke living on money we dont have.
they're both great people and relatively smart or at least have their heads screwed on right in a moral and political way, and i have a great deal of respect for them despite their general shittyness.

i've grown up used to this so it's normal to me, and although i've understood that this is a problem that needs resolving for quite some time now, i didn't really understand how big of a problem it is. they're parental figures to me and i've always respected their understanding of the whole situation and judgement as greater than my own, and never really said anything because of it. in recent months i've started to question this pretty harshly, and i guess that if they don't get their shit together soon i'm gonna have to put my foot down and demand they do. feels weird to have to raise your parents eh

neway, gimme advice, share stories, make jokes
Quote by korinaflyingv
On the come up we were listening to Grateful Dead and the music started passing through my bowel and out my arsehole as this violet stream of light. I shat music. It was beautiful.
#2
Quote by Burgery
feels weird to have to raise your parents eh

Oooh yes. I know that feeling all to well.

I actually spent today writing a letter to my Mom, describing to her how she's messed things up so bad and has left all of us kids emotionally unstable and broken, because she doesn't see it. Everyone else sees it, but she doesn't.

I realise this letter might get me disowned or kicked out the family, but I think if anybody can get her to change her ways, it's me.

I feel ya, dude. That shit aint cool. Not being able to trust your parents is a heavy thing to live with, and the feeling that you have to "fix" them is incredibly burdening.

How old are you, dude?
#3
Quote by CoreysMonster
Oooh yes. I know that feeling all to well.

I actually spent today writing a letter to my Mom, describing to her how she's messed things up so bad and has left all of us kids emotionally unstable and broken, because she doesn't see it. Everyone else sees it, but she doesn't.

I realise this letter might get me disowned or kicked out the family, but I think if anybody can get her to change her ways, it's me.

I feel ya, dude. That shit aint cool. Not being able to trust your parents is a heavy thing to live with, and the feeling that you have to "fix" them is incredibly burdening.

How old are you, dude?

17 since about a month ago

i honestly have no idea how my mom will react when i do talk to her, and honestly i'm pretty scared i could drive her deep into depression
Quote by korinaflyingv
On the come up we were listening to Grateful Dead and the music started passing through my bowel and out my arsehole as this violet stream of light. I shat music. It was beautiful.
Last edited by Burgery at May 28, 2013,
#4
Quote by Burgery
feels weird to have to raise your parents eh

I know how this feels dude. I've learned not to rely on my family for any kind of support, aside from my mom sometimes.


As long as they're well-intentioned and not selfish then the onus is on you not to let their behavior mess with your head.
#5
It was mainly my dad that screwed everything up, but I don't feel like writing an outright paragraph

- pulled guns on my mom, and beat everyone in the household more or less
- invited child molester to live with us, he tried to molest me almost every day after school (never happened though)
- drug addict an alcoholic
- attempted suicide in front of me (with a knife), blamed me for it and asked if it was what I wanted
- recently threatened to murder everyone in my current house (me, my mom, grandad, two sisters)


Eventually I said "screw this noise" and moved out and have been a ray of sunshine ever since
Last edited by soundgarden1986 at May 28, 2013,
#6
Quote by Burgery
17 since about a month ago

i honestly have no idea how my mom will react when i do talk to her, and honestly i'm pretty scared i could drive her deep into depression

Shit, still living at home?
#7
Quote by CoreysMonster
Shit, still living at home?

yup, probably will for a few more years if i dont get too fed up with it
Quote by korinaflyingv
On the come up we were listening to Grateful Dead and the music started passing through my bowel and out my arsehole as this violet stream of light. I shat music. It was beautiful.
#8
It's hard to distinguish what dysfunctional really is. I feel like the term itself is subjective to how you prefer to function.

Sounds like you got it rough at times. Just remember that staying positive is a big part of being able to be open-minded and see things from a different perspective. When you figure things out for yourself and have found a pathway out of the troubled situation you find yourself in, you'll look back and realize that it may not have influenced you in a healthy way, but it made you a stronger and possibly better person.

My dad was a heavy drinker for many years, and there were nights where he would physically dominate me (holding me down and yelling, or even striking me a handful of times), being a 6'6'' ex-body builder, whereas I am a 5'10 kid, or even smaller in the past. Stay strong buddy, you're not alone.
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#10
Quote by Burgery
yup, probably will for a few more years if i dont get too fed up with it

That adds a whole new level of shittiness to that situation. I was fortunate enough to move out right when I left high school, and independence and distance definitely makes a lot of things much more bearable.

What are your plans right now?
#11
Quote by CoreysMonster
That adds a whole new level of shittiness to that situation. I was fortunate enough to move out right when I left high school, and independence and distance definitely makes a lot of things much more bearable.

What are your plans right now?

finish school i guess. i don't really have any plans beyond that.

it's really not as bad as it sounds in the op, or at least i don't experience it that way
Quote by korinaflyingv
On the come up we were listening to Grateful Dead and the music started passing through my bowel and out my arsehole as this violet stream of light. I shat music. It was beautiful.
Last edited by Burgery at May 28, 2013,
#12
Now that i'm going through some dysfunctional stuffs it makes me realize that those who don't have any crazy dysfunctional crap to deal with are few and far between.
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#13
Quote by bradulator
Now that i'm going through some dysfunctional stuffs it makes me realize that those who don't have any crazy dysfunctional crap to deal with are few and far between.


I think a "functional family" is a myth.
#14
Quote by bradulator
Now that i'm going through some dysfunctional stuffs it makes me realize that those who don't have any crazy dysfunctional crap to deal with are few and far between.


Yeah I was not expecting all of the first posts to be like that...

I have to say my family is quite "functional." Nothing too problematic going on.
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LET'S GO BUCKS
#15
My family is very functional. No problems between anyone can be detected. My parents do fight occasionally and that's because my mom can get really bitchy about everything. In fact, every problem in house is because my mom has a problem with whatever.
#16
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I think a "functional family" is a myth.




Everybody has a dysfunctional family.
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#18
I literally had to go to court today over "assaulting" my mother. (I did nothing of the sort) And all the while while my mother tries to jail me, my alcoholic porn-addict father is constantly kicking me out of the house then proceeding to call the police because I'm a "runaway". I feel your pain man, you're not alone.
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#19
My family for the most part all really get on my nerves if I spend any significant amount of time with them. And I get on their nerves. Plus we don't really have much in common. Aside from that though we tolerate each other all right.
#20
Yup, I know your feels bro.

My mom used to be an alcoholic, now she just sleeps all day. she'll literally sleep 4 - 5 days at a time, only getting up to use the bathroom. She has fibromyalgia, arthritis, diabetes, osteoporosis, depression, all kinds of shit. She isn't really.. "there" that often.

My dad is an alcoholic, and lives in a different town (we moved cause my mom had to get away from him)

my brother has lots of problems too because our dad isn't around, and I always feel the need to try and raise him and shit. I've been acting like a father, trying to raise him and take care of the household since I was 15 or so


shit sucks man


Just ride it out til you can get out, or do something about it.
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#21
Schizophrenic father, depressed (clinically diagnosed) mother, aspergers brother, I have schizoid PD and my sister is the only healthy, well adjusted individual in our family.

Despite all this it's not all that bad, the not-so-great years were in my childhood when dad would have severe psychotic episodes. He is fine(ish) now, there is a sense of stability and the future looks bright for my sister. Best of all she won't grow up to be like me, since she has the emotional nurturance required for healthy development.

I would say worse than all the rather bizarre and sometimes scary times in my childhood was the interference of social workers who were naive and overzealous, and the ways in which my social development was stunted by parents of my childhood friends due to the secondary stigma of my father's illness.

This is somewhat tangential, but I think if you're in a position of importance (like a social worker is) no matter how well intentioned, you have the ability to destabilise and even wreck families. It's then important to be cautious.
#22
My story.



I live with my Mom and my two brothers. My Dad lives halfway across PA. My Dad is a bipolar alcoholic with a "God" complex. By that I mean if you touch alcohol or any substance he thinks he can save you or damn you to hell if you do or don't follow him to AA. Nobody likes him because he is abusive against everybody. A year or two ago me and my youngest brother nearly came to blows with him because him and my Mom were arguing and he shoved her to the ground. I will always have the stories of baseball bat swinging a guitar at his head for trying to steal from me and ****ing up his leg as he fell through a plastic bucket when I was 16. The guy is a prick. Almost everybody on his side of the family and my Mom's side hate him.

My younger brother, the middle child, is also an alcoholic and drug user. He's been in and out of juvi since my parents split up. He's a little ******ed. Not mentally challenged, but he has no social skills. He yells at people, and says things in public he shouldn't say. The best explanation we've got about his mental state was from one of his therapists that attempted to do family therapy with all of us a few years back. She said he has Conduct Disorder and that if his behavior does not improve by the time he's 18 he can be moved up to sociopath/psychopath. He's 19 and hasn't had that diagnosis yet but everybody knows it's only a matter of time.

My baby brother is smart and leaves the house most of the time. He's a swag fag though and I'm a raging metal head so we don't see eye to eye.

Besides from that we also live paycheck to paycheck off of my Mom's nursing salary. My Mom pays Dad half of her paycheck, and that's been going on for 8 years now. I go to college off of loans and so does my younger brother. For the past 8 years it's been me and my brother's by ourselves while Mom works her ass off for us three. She's been there but you can definitely tell this is not how she wanted life to go for us.

I know I'm mentally screwed up and I keep telling myself shit will get better when I get a job, leave the house and live on my own but that seems so far away. I've never liked anybody from my family much. I always liked my uncles and cousins more than my immediate family.

TL;DR: I am more prepared for an appocalypse because my shitty family has trained me for no cable and a noddle diet.


Quote by CoreysMonster
Oooh yes. I know that feeling all to well.

I actually spent today writing a letter to my Mom, describing to her how she's messed things up so bad and has left all of us kids emotionally unstable and broken, because she doesn't see it. Everyone else sees it, but she doesn't.


I wish I could even approach my Mom with things like this. She works as an Oncology nurse so she sees death and cancer kids all the time. She's so emotionally wrong that she doesn't even recognize when her own kids are emotionally damaged.

Quote by soundgarden1986
It was mainly my dad that screwed everything up, but I don't feel like writing an outright paragraph

- pulled guns on my mom, and beat everyone in the household more or less
- invited child molester to live with us, he tried to molest me almost every day after school (never happened though)
- drug addict an alcoholic
- attempted suicide in front of me (with a knife), blamed me for it and asked if it was what I wanted
- recently threatened to murder everyone in my current house (me, my mom, grandad, two sisters)


Eventually I said "screw this noise" and moved out and have been a ray of sunshine ever since


**** YEAH LEVITTOWN!
#23
Quote by Jako215
My story.



I live with my Mom and my two brothers. My Dad lives halfway across PA. My Dad is a bipolar alcoholic with a "God" complex. By that I mean if you touch alcohol or any substance he thinks he can save you or damn you to hell if you do or don't follow him to AA. Nobody likes him because he is abusive against everybody. A year or two ago me and my youngest brother nearly came to blows with him because him and my Mom were arguing and he shoved her to the ground. I will always have the stories of baseball bat swinging a guitar at his head for trying to steal from me and ****ing up his leg as he fell through a plastic bucket when I was 16. The guy is a prick. Almost everybody on his side of the family and my Mom's side hate him.

My younger brother, the middle child, is also an alcoholic and drug user. He's been in and out of juvi since my parents split up. He's a little ******ed. Not mentally challenged, but he has no social skills. He yells at people, and says things in public he shouldn't say. The best explanation we've got about his mental state was from one of his therapists that attempted to do family therapy with all of us a few years back. She said he has Conduct Disorder and that if his behavior does not improve by the time he's 18 he can be moved up to sociopath/psychopath. He's 19 and hasn't had that diagnosis yet but everybody knows it's only a matter of time.

My baby brother is smart and leaves the house most of the time. He's a swag fag though and I'm a raging metal head so we don't see eye to eye.

Besides from that we also live paycheck to paycheck off of my Mom's nursing salary. My Mom pays Dad half of her paycheck, and that's been going on for 8 years now. I go to college off of loans and so does my younger brother. For the past 8 years it's been me and my brother's by ourselves while Mom works her ass off for us three. She's been there but you can definitely tell this is not how she wanted life to go for us.

I know I'm mentally screwed up and I keep telling myself shit will get better when I get a job, leave the house and live on my own but that seems so far away. I've never liked anybody from my family much. I always liked my uncles and cousins more than my immediate family.

TL;DR: I am more prepared for an appocalypse because my shitty family has trained me for no cable and a noddle diet.



**** YEAH LEVITTOWN!


Ah not so fast! I moved to Levittown with my mom to get away from my dad. All that stuff happened when I still lived in Philly. I'm over all that shit that though. There's no point in being upset over stuff that happened in the past (especially like 8-10 years ago) that was out of my control. Positive thinking and shit, ya know.
#24
Well, this area in general. There's a lot of depressing people.

But yeah, my go to happy thoughts are key. Just think Rainbows and Unicorns. That should put a smile on your face right away.
#25
Quote by Jako215
I wish I could even approach my Mom with things like this. She works as an Oncology nurse so she sees death and cancer kids all the time. She's so emotionally wrong that she doesn't even recognize when her own kids are emotionally damaged.

My Mom isn't a woman who has a tragic story or anything, though. She's just a spoiled brat who turned into a selfish and spoiled adult, enabled by her idiot family who refuse to ever put their foot down with her.

That makes it a lot easier on the ol Jimminy Cricket.
#32
I'm going to preface this by saying that I believe in the legalization of marijuana, I've used it, and I believe that it can be used responsibly, and is not even remotely dangerous.

That being said, my mom is legitimately addicted. I know, marijuana is not physically addictive. That being said, pornography, video games or literally anything else can become addictive. My mom simply does not understand the idea of living without smoking bud. She smokes all day, every day. When she was between jobs, any time a job required a drug test, she simply didn't consider it an option. Whereas as most people would just not smoke until they've passed the test (I'm in that exact situation right now), she just considered any job that required a test unattainable. When I told her to just not smoke until she can get the job, she just said that she can't.

She's late to everything; I tell her I need to be somewhere 30 minutes before I realistically need to just so I can get there on time. I've learned not to depend on her for anything. Any time my younger brother needs something, he asks me or one of our older siblings, because any of us are much more reliable.

We (myself, my younger brother and my mom) were living in an apartment that was offered by the government, where rent was based on your income. However, we lost that because our apartment was raided because of some people my mom was involved with, they found her stash, and possessing drugs breaks the contract we signed when we moved it. If it weren't for a friend of my mom's offering to let us live with him, I don't know where we'd be.

It honestly feels great to write this all out. I'm 18, and I'm waiting on a call back that will hopefully be telling me I've been hired as a Personal Care Worker; I can't wait to get away from this situation.

OP, I believe we're in somewhat similar situations, and I just want to say that if it's had at all the same effect on you that it has on me, you've already learned a lot of independence. I've learned not to depend on my mom for anything; I cook for myself, I do my own laundry, I don't expect to be picked up from or taken to anything, I don't expect her to pay for anything, I don't expect her to remember anything for me... I don't expect her to help me in any way. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that independence is going to go a long way.
Last edited by herby190 at May 29, 2013,
#34
Jeez the pit has some rough lives. My only complaint is my parents are to dull. They just sit and watch TV all night and go to work during the day. I guess my dad does have a number if health issues, cancer, heart disease etc but we get through it.
#35
I just saw my mom for the first time in almost 4 years today, kind of an interesting coincidence that a thread like this pops up on UG on the same day. She smokes meth. Looks a lot older than the last time I saw her.

I think just about every family is "dysfunctional" in some way, in my experience everyone has problems that they may or may not try to sweep under the rug, somebody's dad is always an alcoholic/abusive, or someone has depression/ mental issues, or debt problems, tension and aggression between family members, etc.; the rare thing is to find people that show the same face to the world as they do to each other in private.
#36
My mom doesn't like it if I spill cereal on the floor, that's about it
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#37
Depressed mother, threw me out on my 15th birthday because I rang my father 10 in the morning. When asked about my mother, I answer "the only thing she has ever learned me is to swear". Over a year ago I said that I don't want to have any contact with her and she answered "yeah, I've been thinking about that too". Even though I dislike her as much as I do, that feeling that your own mother says that she doesn't want to have any contact with her own son is the worst ****ing feeling. A month after that my dad moved to out of Finland for work, a few months after that my brother moved out too.
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#38
When I was six I hallucinated a spider plant turning into a real spider and landing on my bed, probably from all the smoke coming from the adults in the kitchen into my bedroom. I hid under the covers until I fell asleep.

I remember it like it was yesterday because it was Christmas eve at 2am in the morning and I didn't think Santa was going to come while they were all still awake. And I had never hallucinated before.

Santa didn't come that year. I got the Christmas Spider instead. I guess that probably wasn't a normal childhood.
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#39
Yep. I just got kicked out by my parents. For good. In the past iv been nearly kicked out for things like getting salt on the counter or eating a hot dog at 12:30am and my dad yells at me for eating in my room in the past when I'm in the kitchen right then and there. I get violently yelle at for the smallest little things. My parents think I don't have an respect for them when not only do I not talk back or raise my voice or get into any trouble, have a job and going to school, I do t think they deserve any respect. They haven't earned it in a while. My mom almost didn't give me my guitars. She gives me like a bag full of my shit maybe 2-3 ones a week. It's bullshit. Everything about my parents makes me want to brutally kill them. They overreact to everything and complain about everything. They've ****ing children. They are both absolutely miserable and take it out on me. The worst thing is is that I am not one to have negative thoughts about anyone. It saddens me at the same time it infuriates me.
#40
I just wrote out a rather large paragraph describing my family just to realize it wasn't very coherent, so I'm gonna keep this short. My family's not necessarily dysfunctional but rather (and it saddens me to say this) it's apparent that there were some definite parenting issues with the 6 kids in our family. Being the youngest, I have observed this over my life and it seems that at least 4 of us are pretty dysfunctional (unsuccessful) on our own.
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