#1
These are the first lyrics I post on this site. Song is called Taming the Dragon. It's about how you never know when death is near and how unpredictable life an be.


The darkness in this world,
Eats all forms of light,
While the goodness in each other,
Is our only plight,
We walk and talk, we crawl, we fall,
The end is inevitable,
We all suffer the same fate,
The meaning of life loses purpose,
As your time falls near,
You begin to lose all hope,
Everything that you hold dear,
You fall into a puddle of tears,
As the stream begins to fade,
An ocean of pain and sorrow that you cannot wade,
Your time has come you lost all fear,
Because the end was always near.
Something, something, something... dark side.
#3
Hey Gabriel!

Thanks for sharing, I like a lot of the stuff you did here. It feels very formulaic and calculated. Something you do very well is rhyme words internally, within a line.

"We walk and talk, we crawl, we fall,"

This was cool, it really pulls along the flow. My only criticism is that some of the rhymes feel forced.

"As your time falls near,
You begin to lose all hope,
Everything that you hold dear,"

Here the near and dear felt very forced, even though they very naturally relate to each other. Everything you hold dear is a line that's been used a hundred times over, so it loses a bit of that originality. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Good job making this idea your own!

p.s. - if nobody's giving you criticism, you should comment on other peoples' pieces and leave a link to your work. It's a favor for a favor. reciprocal love, baby
#4
Quote by motel.rwanda
Hey Gabriel!

Thanks for sharing, I like a lot of the stuff you did here. It feels very formulaic and calculated. Something you do very well is rhyme words internally, within a line.

"We walk and talk, we crawl, we fall,"

This was cool, it really pulls along the flow. My only criticism is that some of the rhymes feel forced.

"As your time falls near,
You begin to lose all hope,
Everything that you hold dear,"

Here the near and dear felt very forced, even though they very naturally relate to each other. Everything you hold dear is a line that's been used a hundred times over, so it loses a bit of that originality. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Good job making this idea your own!

p.s. - if nobody's giving you criticism, you should comment on other peoples' pieces and leave a link to your work. It's a favor for a favor. reciprocal love, baby

Thanks for crit. I will try to crit others more often.
Something, something, something... dark side.