#1
Any criticism/tips would be appreciated! The song is about someone i care about and my fear of them bexoming addicted to drugs. Only one verse and chorus so far. Thanks!

You're setting fires in the sky
While Dropping bombs up in my mind
The only one i thought i knew
But all she wanted to do is fly

You can see it in her pale green eyes
All she ever wanted was to feel alive
Shes dead when you look on the inside
But all she wanted to do is fly

(CHORUS)

There ain't nothing that can make her come down
She just goes without making a sound,
Any deeper and she'd surely drown
but shes happy sitting in the clouds

Her mouths forever quiet but her brain's so loud,
this is the only pleasure that she has found
Only got herself to try and make proud
When shes happy siting in the clouds
#2
I think it's good, it'd be better if you could record it just a little bit, but it's very poetic, which is a good thing. Very good. I can't write lyrics. I'm just not very good at it. I can write guitar parts very easily, but Lyrics i"m not very good with.
#4
Very nice lyrics. The only critique I can give is drop the "up" in the line "While dropping bombs up in my mind". To me it sounds like dropping bombs up.
I can really tell this means a lot to you. Please post a recording when it's finished, and good luck.
#5
You're setting fires in the sky
Why would she if she wanted to be ''happy siting in the clouds''

While Dropping bombs up in my mind
Dropping and up are 'opposition' from each other.
Try to avoid that kind of things in one the same sentence.

You can see it in her pale green eyes
All she ever wanted was to feel alive

Like the fact you say: ''pale green.''
Those little details are making a song better.
I like that part yes.

Shes dead when you look on the inside
Cliché and overused. Try to make it more your own.


Any deeper and she'd surely drown (?)
but shes happy sitting in the clouds. (:

Her mouths forever quiet but her brain's so loud,
I don't think you can be happy, all on your own without speaking if it's just
you...getting crazy from your own thoughts... maybe just something to look at.


Ohwell, that's it. Sorry for my english. Hope I could help.
Last edited by BEAUsername at Jun 10, 2013,