#2
I love that first line. It literally felt like going down the first hill on a rollercoaster, but there was no build-up, only fun.

I also like that you didn't use a deer for an animal in the headlights. And yes! beautiful bitch is so sharp and assonant it's regal.

I love the brevity here. cheers!

EDIT: Hmm.. is there a joke/deeper meaning in that she uses lazy, cliched metaphors and you use an "imperfect" simile to describe her?
Last edited by motel.rwanda at Jun 3, 2013,
#3
I'm a sucker for a sweet little blurb like this. When I wrote regularly I used to come up with dozens of bad attempts at these and use them as punch-lines to worse poems.

Cheers for keeping it short and clever, and for giving me a chuckle.