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#1
So at my job yesterday I was using an air pump. It wasn't one of those pumps you use to fill up a football; it was a heavy duty, highly pressurized air pump. Anyways, the thing started to leak out of the handle and I started to mess with it when all of a sudden the metal thing inside the hose shot off like a bullet. If you've ever seen No Country For Old Men, it was sort of like the air gun that the bad guy had. The hose then got ripped out of my hands and started to fly all over the place until I shut off the valve. Now luckily, I wasn't pointing the hose at my face or any other body part when the piece shot out or else I probably wouldn't be making this post right now.

ITT: Post times when something horrible almost happened to you but you narrowly avoided it.
#2
Decided to go swimming in the sea when I was 6 and couldn't swim.
#3
This guy was about to mug me and my brother, and pulled out his gun. I was able to distract and kicked the gun out of his hand. He hit me but I was able to subdue him and then got his gun. We waited for the cops then. It was so scary but I'm glad all my training paid off.
#4
Front end washed out going around a corner on my dirtbike, bike flipped, I got thrown over the handlebars. While sliding on the ground, the duckbill on my helmet dug into the dirt, bending my chin to my chest (while I was still sliding forward). The duckbill then popped out of the dirt so hard that the back of the helmet actually touched my back. Knocked me out for a few hours. If that had had any rotation on it at all it probably would have snapped my neck.

Driving to my ex's house on a really windy day. I look up and see a tree moving around in the wind. No big deal, that's what trees do in the wind. Then I notice that it's moving a lot farther than it should. So I look back up, and the tree is in mid fall going right across the road. I didn't really have time to react so I just kept driving forward hoping and praying that I still had a few lives left. THe tree hit the road a split second before my car was supposed to be underneath it. Luckily I was also driving the Tahoe that day, so I just drove right over top of it. My heart stopped for a few seconds when that happened.

When I was about 2 I had been playing with my aunt's dog. A few minutes later my mom walks into the room and I'm on my back with the dog's mouth around my neck, growling. They put it down a few days later.

Uh... what else... OH! Fell from about 10-11 feet onto a concrete floor head first. Knocked me out for what felt like half of a day
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How do you say "I'm okay" to an answering machine?

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Last edited by stratman_13 at Jun 5, 2013,
#6
How does one have something close to a near death experience? Surely there's a pretty clearly defined boundary between what is a near death experience and what isn't a near death experience?
Quote by CV334

Sir, the contents of my mouth just blew all over my keyboard, desk, and part of my monitor. For the record, it was slightly chewed Keebler cookies and coffee slurry.

The average pitmonkey's response to my jokes.
#7
Quote by blake1221
Being unconscious for that long would result in some serious brain trauma.


Yeah, that.

Life ain't like movies. Being knocked out for an hour is dangerous enough.
#8
Quote by blake1221
Being unconscious for that long would result in some serious brain trauma.

Well to be fair it felt like half a day. I don't actually know how long I was legitimately out, felt like forever. All I remember from it is that it happened around 11 o'clock and then I have no memory of anything until about 5pm that afternoon.

How much of that was unconsciousness and how much was just a complete daze I couldn't tell you.

edited post for accuracy
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How do you say "I'm okay" to an answering machine?

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Last edited by stratman_13 at Jun 5, 2013,
#9
Quote by Crofty89
How does one have something close to a near death experience? Surely there's a pretty clearly defined boundary between what is a near death experience and what isn't a near death experience?


Close as in something really bad could have happened which probably wouldn't have ended in death but close to it.
#11
My friends and I were walking in Moscow, we were on this sidewalk next to a very old building that was falling apart. About 50 feet above us was a ledge made of concrete. We weren't paying attention to that until a large piece of debris broke off from there and landed right in front of us, like five feet away. It definitely would have killed one of us... we ran the rest of the way.
#13
Quote by desperatechris
I once tired to put my penis in a moose trap. That was the closest i been to a near death experience.


A moose trap? So you're saying your penis is 7-10 feet long and 3 feet wide?
Quote by CV334

Sir, the contents of my mouth just blew all over my keyboard, desk, and part of my monitor. For the record, it was slightly chewed Keebler cookies and coffee slurry.

The average pitmonkey's response to my jokes.
#14
Quote by Crofty89
A moose trap? So you're saying your penis is 7-10 feet long and 3 feet wide?

I have big penis yes, but a moose trap is very similar to a gin trap.
#15
Quote by Crofty89
A moose trap? So you're saying your penis is 7-10 feet long and 3 feet wide?

Yeah Moose traps are like molded suitcases you lay on the ground that snap up, sealing the Moose inside them
#16
Quote by desperatechris
I have big penis yes, but a moose trap is very similar to a gin trap.


*crosses legs and winces*

See I thought it was a typo and you meant mouse trap, hence a moose trap would be like a mouse trap only larger and require something the size and weight of a moose to trigger it. It was funnier in my head.

Edit: turns out the Canadians tried that
Quote by CV334

Sir, the contents of my mouth just blew all over my keyboard, desk, and part of my monitor. For the record, it was slightly chewed Keebler cookies and coffee slurry.

The average pitmonkey's response to my jokes.
#18
I've almost been ran over by cars multiple times in the past two years. Almost got run over today if the song I was listening to wasn't coming to an end. Damn idiot didn't even stop at the stop sign. Good thing I wasn't jaywalking for once....
#19
Quote by Crofty89
*crosses legs and winces*

See I thought it was a typo and you meant mouse trap, hence a moose trap would be like a mouse trap only larger and require something the size and weight of a moose to trigger it. It was funnier in my head.

Edit: turns out the Canadians tried that

You see how that was almost a death experience. Putting my penis in that thing.
#20
I was ran over when I was 12, sustained some serious injuries. Besides that, nothing omes to mind.
#22
Does this count?

It was Warm....
“The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it.” ― Neil deGrasse Tyson

Quote by lolmnt
PC police strike again


If you have a computer related question, ask here!

Official Mayor of the Computer Thread
#23
Knocked off my bike when I was 10 which put me in intensive care for a few days - unconsciousness.

Regained consciousness and I'd lost vision in one eye and broken my collar bone. Eye's still ****ed (but its the optic nerve so can't be fixed).
signature
#24
How you missed the opportunity to name this thread "Near Near Death Experiences" is beyond me.
My signature lacks content. It is, however, blue.
#25
i overdosed on ambien once.

that's about it. everything else has been fairly no-chance-at-death.
#27
Almost drowned at an amusement park for diving in a wave pool PACKED with people. Dumb idea, i know. When i had to swim back up i was blocked by a tube so i punched it to get the people to move and they didnt so i had to swim somewhere else. Also, i crossed one lane into the road when i was 9 on my bike and nearly got hit by a fast truck and luckly the car that came on the lane i was in stopped. Just my clumsyness gets me into these situations :P
#28
I've had my share of them.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#29
Heading back to college after Christmas for this past semester, I was about an hour from home and a half hour from campus when it started raining so heavily that I couldn't even see the road. I lost control, my truck left the road, and when I finally got stopped, I was sitting directly between two reflector poles on an off ramp. Managed to get to a gas station and just camped there until the rain stopped.
Quote by rocklee1431
Wow, these all suck. Except for the Moth Whisperer over there.


Quote by VanTheKraut
If you voted anything other this, you're wrong and a queer and I personally challenge every last one of you to pistols at dawn.
#30
Was working on a flat roof for a commercial building 7 stories up. I was backing up while checking seams in the rubber roofing and tripped backward over the edge and landing on the next tier down. If I was on that tier of the roof I would have fallen 7 stories.

Buh Bye life on that one.
#31
I was climbing down a straight ladder from the top of my friend's two story house, and the bottom slipped out and I rode the top down to the ground lol. I came out unscathed, amazingly, but it was pretty frightening.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#32
Quote by DamienEx1021
Does this count?

It was Warm....

You sir. Are a complete f***in moron for doing that. Who the hell even gets the idea?
Quote by Anthropocentric
Your balls. You lost the right to them. Hand them over.


Quote by T00DEEPBLUE
What kind of person needs to have a Flying V shoved up their vagina?



Join The 7-String Legion! Now!
#33
I had a whole wooden deck collapse ontop of my head, causing me to bleed profusely until I managed to walk to the hospital 3 blocks away.

I didnt really think I was going to die because of the hospital being so close to our house, but it was horrible none the less.
Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all
#34
I was born 2 months premature. Y'all niggas got nothing on me. By the time I was 2 I spent more time in the hospital than at home.
#35
Quote by LostLegion
I was born 2 months premature. Y'all niggas got nothing on me. By the time I was 2 I spent more time in the hospital than at home.

Quote by whywefight
I almost died as a baby. I was born early, yo.

*cough* *cough*


I was born a little over two months premature too.
Last edited by whywefight at Jun 5, 2013,
#37
I was in Africa, and there was a stampede. My dad jumped in front of me but was eaten by the animals. He saved my life but my uncle never forgave me for it
#38
Quote by Weaponized
this explains a lot

Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#39
I had an anaphylactic shock when i was about 8 years old, luckily the ambulance came within about five minutes, got me on a breathing mask, last thing i remember was going into the ambulance, then a few seconds of being in the hospital without a shirt on and a bunch of heart monitors attached to me. I was coughing uncontrollably, and couldn't breath, my brother said the colour was draining from my face and my lips were turning blue, so i think if the paramedics were any longer, i probably would have died.
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
#40
Quote by ehbacon
I was in Africa, and there was a stampede. My dad jumped in front of me but was eaten by the animals. He saved my life but my uncle never forgave me for it



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