#1
DOHA, QATAR—In the latest publicity coup for the Afghan insurgent group, the Taliban today finished first in a newly released survey of the “Best Places to Work 2013.”

For the Taliban, who had just opened their office in Doha, Qatar, on Tuesday, the honor was “totally unexpected and incredibly humbling,” a spokesman for the group said.

“This is the first office we’ve ever opened, so naturally we wanted it to be nice and all,” he said. “But to be named a better place to work than Apple and Google and the other amazing places on this list–whoa.”

Cited in the poll was the atmosphere at Taliban headquarters, which numerous employees described as “relaxed” and “fun.”

“People think that just because we observe Sharia law, we walk around with frowny faces all day,” the spokesman said. “The fact is, we have a lot of laughs here.”

One person not amused by the survey results, however, was the Afghan President Hamid Karzai, who threatened to break off peace talks with the Taliban if they do not immediately admit that the poll was a “total fraud.”

“Who was behind this so-called poll? The Taliban, that’s who,” an angry Karzai told reporters. “When they did their little ribbon-cutting for their office on Tuesday, I thought they were publicity *****s, but they are really taking it to a new sick level.”

Hours later, the Taliban spokesman offered this response: “Hamid Karzai doesn’t sound very chill. He’d really have to dial it back if he wanted to fit in at a workplace like this.”


http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/06/taliban-named-best-place-to-work-2013.html
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#2
2/10
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#3
It's to die for
Quote by Overlord
It's not hard to be nice, but it's nice to be hard
#7


Any job that promises 72 virgins upon completion is going to be prettttty high in job satisfaction
#8
Quote by progdude93


Any job that promises 72 virgins upon completion is going to be prettttty high in job satisfaction


medal

Probably the president can't get more than 30, so it explains why pissed.

The "Re-incarnation of Plato" Award 2009
(most intelligent)
The "Good Samaritan" Award 2009 (most helpful)

[font="Palatino Linotype
Who's Andy Timmons??
#9
That moment when the New Yorker has better fake real news than Onion.
Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all
#11
“The fact is, we have a lot of laughs here.”


I can see it now:

"Jahar, did you put anthrax in my drink?"

*snickering

"Ohhhohoho, you cheeky bugger."

*whole office is in an uproar
-The Crimson Fucker, aka PonyFan #376121
#12
Quote by metal4eva_22
I can see it now:

"Jahar, did you put anthrax in my drink?"

*snickering

"Ohhhohoho, you cheeky bugger."

*whole office is in an uproar


and imagine the lot of that said with accents.
#14
Quote by progdude93
72 virgins


They're all big fat guys that spent their lives playing World of Warcraft in their mothers basement.
How do you make a signature? Is this a signature? Sig?.... Nature?..... Sigmund Freud?...... Nature Valley?.... Sigmund Fraud?..... Frankie Valli?.... ah, $!*@ it...
#15
Quote by Musicforyou17
I need a new job, might just join the Taliban.

(I am kidding NSA, don't kill me)

Hey kiddo why don't you go ahead and take a seat. Just relax and have a cup of tea, let's have a nice little chat about what you said on the guitar forum. Why are you interested in a job at the taliban? Just curious, it doesn't sound like a stable career. Did you hear that new rock and roll album? Pretty sweet yeah. So who told you about the taliban and where is the bomb?
#16
Quote by kcmoon5150
They're all big fat guys that spent their lives playing World of Warcraft in their mothers basement.


If only the Taliban knew!
#17
Well looks like I won't be applying for The Best Job In The World anytime soon.
cat