#1
-I'm 16 and just started liking songwriting alot. I was looking for some feedback and constructive criticism of this song. I dont like some things about it. Even though its not quite done yet

-It's basically about someone who lived a sheltered life and let everyone tell them who to be and how to live their life, but then they moved to New York City and had all these new realizations and opportunities


Roaming the wild streets, a place that gave you peace
From living in the cage where you used to be
After you set yourself free, no one can tell you who you have to be
So don’t look back, try to prevent the attack


Chorus

Like a disease that keeps coming back to me
I can’t seem to sleep, and this city does the same as me

These dark hours of the night, they make you feel right
They make you feel right

Verse

The nights still young
So take a walk down the avenue
All day and night to escape reality
Break down the wall between who you are and who you want to be

Even though it terrifies me, I found a place for me
under the city lights
#2
Hi,

I'm not saying what I'm going to write is better, but from my own writing I've learned that less is more (yes that old cliche) it gives the vocalist more room to breath and put emphasis on words, so here goes.

Roam the wild streets, to bring you peace
No more the cage you called life
Let yourself be free, be who your meant to be
Dont look back, to their bitter attack

I would drop the line "Like a disease that keeps coming back to me"

But I like the feel of the subject not sleeping, and the city also being that way... so

Sleep don't come, to you or this city
The darker the hour, the more you feel right
No sleep never comes, to you or this city
The darker the hour, the more you feel right
The more it feels right

Chorus is the hook, and I'm never that great at writing choruses... but the obvious hooks are all about repetition.

In your lyrics, you seem to sway between the song being about You as the subject, or a third person.
Just try and remain consistent.

Hope this gives you some help.
#4
Yeah, I agree with the other post. I like the idea for the lyrics though better than anything I have been able to come up with, probably because I like the lyrics to tell a story.. and I can't sing so I end up just talking really fast.

Anyways, think they are good, especially with what Spadge added.