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#1
According to Will in here: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1609687&page=2&pp=40 , I have the potential to become a great music reviewer.

Post a track of yours, and I'll write an extensive, unbiased and thoughtful opinion on it. Just like this:

https://soundcloud.com/cherry-fox-ian/lumi-demo/s-kpurw


Okay, I’m 3 seconds into the song and what the living **** am I hearing? Is it that usual 3 string riff every beginner guitar player first plays when he tunes to Drop D for the first time? Except we now have a full band accompaniment as if it’s supposed to “enhance” its lacking in substance, and it’s in Drop C because this ****ing loser carries a pretentious ego and doesn’t wanna be “mainstream” by just playing in Drop D, or his singer is a shitty weak-ranged baritone singer who probably sucks just as much as this ****er. And if it is him, I’m afraid to hear his horrendous singing.

So after we’re dragged through this poorly drawn out open-string drop-D noob riff for about, I don’t know, 60 times too many over the pathetically poor and incompetent programmed drums, were’ then treated to a chord changing riff between the F and the C# chord. Like that chord change? Hope you do, because you’re about to be treated to it several hundred times through this cluster**** of a song.

After a short, uninspiring breakaway we’re then treated to the most god-awful thrash section with an uninspiring riff bad enough to make Kerry King cringe. The single riff is copy-pasted pretty much several times before a transition that consists of quite possibly the most pretentious chord in existence. He simply plays a barred A#sus2 while barring the first 3 strings along with it. And strumming it in a special way as if it’s supposed to give some sort of “magical” sound or some shit. Instead, it just sounds pretentious, uninspired, and no more creative than your average 13 year old after 3 months of Rocksmith.

Then we are FINALLY treated to what appears to be the first verse, a painfully bad chugged off-beat riff that sounds like the riff of every pretentious 13 year old LoG ripoff guitarist in the world. Again, with that chord pattern between F and C# the rest of the riff becomes predictable, before we transition into the next riff.

And as if it couldn’t get any worse, it does. 4 chugs, and a Bb octave thing. Is that the best he can offer? Really? Sit through that extremely poor, god-knows-what-the-fu ck riff that’s hashed a few hundered times without vomiting, and you get to the chorus riff. Again, more drop-d noobness thrown your way and the typical F-C# chord thing before the next verse.

So it starts the same as the first verse, but there’s something different this time around. Instead of two separate guitar parts, both guitar tracks are now just playing the same exact part. How creative! Following that we get a painfully poorly thought out speed section altering between 2 generic metal chords, and then the overhashed octave thing again.

After that we’re treated to a bridge with a slight in-between riff which gives us a sense of some creativity, but no. We’re dragged into the most generic, poorly thought out, overhashed, and predictable breakdown ever written. Get with the program kid, breakdowns stopped being cool in 2007. No one likes them except high schoolers.

Following is a pause where the guitarist decides to show us how “educated” he is with music theory and scales by forcing a brainless, senseless Dorian riff down our throats. Right here is the point where you think the song ought to end. But no, we’re treated to quite possibly the most hilarious part of all: A time signature change? Seriously? Who the **** do you think you are kid? Rush? Pettrucci? Some Jazz master? This time signature change as absolutely NO purpose whatsoever except to allow this fag to claim his music is “progressive” and talk about how “technical” his music is. It doesn’t sound good, and is nothing but pretentious.

And something else that’s been bothering me throughout this whole track is the extremely unnecessary manner in which the chords are being executed. Why are they being played in full instead of power chords? Is this some attempt to sound “big” with the guitars or something? Whenever I hear this I pass this off as pretentious guitarist losers using cheap tricks to make their guitar sound bigger. It’s pointless, stupid, and sounds like shit.

The riffs through this section sound like they were ripped straight from the Pirates of the Caribbean theme, and there appears to be a blank one chord hammering as if solos are to be lain overtop. God forbid we would have to endure this idiot playing guitar solos.

And if the first time sig change wasn’t pretentious enough, we’re treated to yet ANOTHER one, with more generic metalcore sounding riffs. But ANOTHER time signature change? What does this kid think he is, some ****ing Mozart or some shit?

We’re then treated to a rehash of the hope-raising riff from the bridge, a rehash of the thrash section of the beginning, a rehash of the already overhashed octave riff from earlier, and a rehash of the Drop-D noob riff from the beginning. Finishing with an overhashed one chord outro riff.


Notice how many times the word “hash” is used in that last paragraph. Because that’s just what this song is. Overhashed nonstop, pathetic, too long, and pretentious. I pity any of those who choose to find this enjoyable or write in this style. Final rating? 2/10, for at least trying.



Go!
Last edited by Ian_the_fox at Jul 16, 2013,
#12
You should pick one at a time and then ask for no more submissions until a review is posted. Let them come in for a while and then repeat.

EDIT: Big up man like Rolling Stoned and wwf
#13
Quote by willT08
You should pick one at a time and then ask for no more submissions until a review is posted. Let them come in for a while and then repeat.

I think he shouldn't just review user-music, we should allow him to broaden the scope. Let people give him established artists to review as well. We have to let him blossom.
#14
Quote by Ian_the_fox
Slow down a bit, I can only do so many at a time.


well mine was first.
#15
Quote by willT08
You should pick one at a time and then ask for no more submissions until a review is posted. Let them come in for a while and then repeat.

EDIT: Big up man like Rolling Stoned and wwf



you also got a new follower bro keep up the good work and keep em coming
Quote by naedauuf
Shit working 24 hours a week at $12 an hour makes me rich?

BOW BEFORE ME PEASANTS.
#22
Doing will's first since he asked first in the other thread:

Quote by willT08
Here's my new one. **** real instruments

https://soundcloud.com/thekulu/kulu-last-hour
Okay starting off, only a bit of the drum samples are made availible and we hear some nicely sampled ambient insruments along with bass that's close to perfectly dialed in. A little bit muddy but not overkill. To the proper point of being able to be felt and heard.


Of course, despite the nice mixing, the song falls terribly short in the composition department, as usual from Will. Immediately after I heard the first 2 notes, I knew where the song was going. Instead of being a bit creative, the most overhashed, used and abused chord progression in electronic music is utilized.

Don't get me wrong, it's a great progression, and can be utilized well for guitar or piano improvisation (back at that furry con from last week some guy was doing a nice piano piece with the progression for a bit), but the problem is it's been EVERYWHERE. EVERYWHERE and back again. Being an electronic musician, you should know this.

So while the mixing may be a very strong point, composition again falls horrendously short here. And 2:56 to 3:46 needs a LOT more going on. I almost thought you had copy and pasted the first verse until I heard that piano sample buried. And despite my like for Pendulum, they suffer from the same problem unless they add vocals. And Deadmau5 suffers from the problem even WORSE. Especially on 4x4=12.

If you are going to use the same stuff for another verse, do more with it. The only time you can use the same exact copy-paste of a verse correctly is if there's a vocal track. Which there isn't.


So, I don't think I'm going to rate mixing and song seperately this time around, so overall I'm just gonna go with a 6/10. Mix is fine, work on your composition.


Next stop, Blake.
#23
Quote by Ian_the_fox

Of course, despite the nice mixing, the song falls terribly short in the composition department, as usual from Will..


oh christ
#25
That was far too kind. Perfectly dialed in bass? Nice sampled ambience?

Bitch I didn't even EQ anything in that track but cut the lows out of the ambience and you tell me it's nicely mixed?
#28
Quote by willT08
That was far too kind. Perfectly dialed in bass? Nice sampled ambience?

Bitch I didn't even EQ anything in that track but cut the lows out of the ambience and you tell me it's nicely mixed?
Or they're just good sounding synths to begin with.

Either way, work on composition.


And to the rest, no more entries. I'm full for the night.
#29
Quote by willT08

ok m8 here i wil do this 4 rel yea
prepare 4 sum rel industtrey tips ok


so the first thingge u did rong was tht u basicely used 2 many notes yea
real mussic onli has 1 not an sumtimes u can get a litl bit of sum ova notes if u hav a well sik wobbel but evn dat is kinda rare an definetly not tha case here soz m8

apart from tht most of ur problemmes r cosed by u not usin enuf compresion yea

so wot u ned 2 do is compress way more, liek 9001x morre ok. an also u rely need 2 use atleast 10 soundgoodiser on da mastter trak on max setings (oviebsly)
also it basicely soundz 2 hapy yea. a rel massiv tune neds 2 sound leik pretey agresion an u need sum wobs an yois

overall: 2/10 watch sum skrielx base tutoriel on utube an work on ur fruit loops skillz an mebye u cann get it 2 a 3.5/10 yea


hmu if u agre
#31
Quote by Ian_the_fox
Or they're just good sounding synths to begin with.

Synths? lol

That's all samples rudeboy. Thinking I piss about making synth patches, what kinda time you think I got? It's 2013 bro
#32
Quote by willT08
That was far too kind. Perfectly dialed in bass? Nice sampled ambience?

Bitch I didn't even EQ anything in that track but cut the lows out of the ambience and you tell me it's nicely mixed?


I like how you sabotaged your track to call him out on how shit his opinion is
#33
Do they have to be originals or can you rip apart my covers too?
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#35
Quote by blake1221
Review Sweet Weapons All of My Best Friends Are Dogs

http://sweetweapons.bandcamp.com/
Starting with "Not Golden," well the title is somewhat fitting. Not golden, but still not complete shit. We're led with a chord progression that steps fairly far out from the norm, at least until :40 where for a brief second the dreaded E D and C pattern returns. But overall, decent chord usage.

But, the vocals. I'm sorry but what's the deal? The singer (or you, if you're the vocalist here as well) has a voice that sounds pretty good but does he not have control? He seems to be just shouting and doubling the tracks to cover up the bad pitch control. In addition, drowning it out by burying it in the mix. Hope the lyrics aren't meaningful because I can't hear a damn thing (but seriously Blake if that's you singing, consider lessons on pitch control; you have a good voice but need pitch work, bad).


Going into the next track, chord usage again is nice, but it seems to get out of control to where the vocalist simply gets lost, and the vocals are louder now. And second, why am I on the second song already? I mean, what's with the 2 minute songs? The only reason for short songs anymore is being easier to get on the radio. Sorry, but this music is too underground sounding to be on mainstream radio. It's lacking the mainstream appeal.


I'd keep going with this but I have more to do. Overall, fix the (or your) vocals, and add some variation between tracks, this is one of those albums where you buy it hoping for a lot of different tracks but end up hearing something too similar to the previous. It's like having the same song cloned on your iPod 12 times.

And make them longer. 6.5/10
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