Poll: Men in shorts...
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View poll results: Men in shorts...
Men in shorts are great!
79 64%
Men in shorts are ew!
15 12%
Cargo shorts
29 24%
Voters: 123.
Page 1 of 8
#1
http://gawker.com/wear-your-shorts-proudly-men-786226991

Now that we have officially entered the "hot as hell" portion of the year, it's time for a certain type of elitist East Coast male to begin his annual smear campaign targeted at the wearing of shorts by men. Who will be brave enough to stand up for the righteousness of the shorts-wearing man? We will.

Well, "we" is not quite the precise term— you may be shocked to learn that even Gawker editor John Cook, a supposed "man of the people," is a member of the anti-shorts brigade. Clad this very moment in long pants and a long-sleeved shirt despite temperatures exceeding 90 degrees outside, John strode into the office today spouting the sort of anti-shorts invective that one might expect from from a pants absolutist like Alex Balk. It was a shocking assault on the comity of the workplace team, and one that I felt should not be allowed to pass without comment.

The bizarre and mean-spirited arguments against the wearing of shorts by men typically boil down to this: It is allegedly "childish" or "unmanly" for men to wear shorts. Alex Balk, for example, has declared that shorts "are fine for little boys but comical and embarrassing on grown men." The reasons for this are left unsaid. As with many prejudices, the prejudice against the wearing of shorts rests on the flimsy assumption that people may be cowed into following it unquestioningly due to fear of becoming "the other."

Allow me to raise a voice on behalf of the silent majority. I grew up in Florida. In Florida, not wearing shorts during the summer is simply masochism. Everyone wears shorts, because it is ****ing hot. Not wearing shorts during the Florida summer is nothing more than a declaration that you enjoy walking around with a serious case of sweat-soaked swampass for a large portion of the year. Wearing pants throughout a Florida summer is just as illogical as wearing shorts throughout a Boston winter. In very hot climates, shorts are a given. To refuse to wear shorts marks you as an eccentric, an outsider, or a fool.

Indeed, I never even encountered the idea that wearing shorts is somehow inappropriate for men until I moved up north, to New York City, where it is typical to hear narcissistic fashionistas making absolutist declarations of fictional "rules" based on glamour rather than function. The all-pants-all-the-time gang at first struck me as an amusing sort of daffy but harmless cult, to be chuckled at for their inexplicable religious rules. But as the years have gone on, I have seen this attitude spread throughout the mainstream media to the point that I feel it threatens to infect the minds of impressionable young adults who are just learning what it means to be an adult.

To these young men— the future of our country— I say: wear shorts. Wear shorts all you want. Especially when it is hot. That is why shorts were invented. Shorts have a proud tradition in this country, and throughout the world. Wherever it is hot, and the sun shines harshly, and sweat pours forth from human pores, men will wear shorts. Those of us who were raised in the portions of America with climates suitable for year-round human life know damn well that shorts are both appropriate and attractive. Men from Florida and Mississippi and Arizona and California and many other hot states have wooed plenty of women while we were wearing shorts. Plenty, I tell you. Never has been a problem for us. Maybe some of you Northern fellas could take a few lessons, eh?

Let's expose the anti-shorts contingent for what it is: a bunch of Northeastern dead-enders with incomplete wardrobes due to the fact that they spend the majority of the year living in frozen wastelands. They've spun their own lack of a viable shorts-wearing tradition into an unforgiving philosophy of trouser dominance, and foisted this regional prejudice upon the general public, while masquerading as the voices of fashion reason. They've so twisted the rational process of clothing decision-making that they assume it is reasonable to put on too many clothes when it is hot outside, and then crank the air conditioning all day to compensate for their excess pants material, thereby hastening the demise of our planet. Well, we won't take it any more. We, the American men, will wear shorts when it is hot. We will do the hard work of leg tanning. We will eschew socks if necessary. We will not agree to sweat profusely in a pitiful nod to fashion insecurity. We will wear shorts. It's just god damn common sense.


Should men be allowed to wear shorts?
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
Last edited by bradulator at Jul 18, 2013,
#2
I never wear shorts. But you do what you want.
Quote by Fat Lard
Why would you spend tens of thousands of dollars to learn about a language you already speak? It was over before it even started dude

Quote by captainsnazz
brot pls
#3
Only if it's VERY VERY hot, or if you are going to or coming from playing sports/physical activity
#6
Yeah I live in South FL, **** a duck if you have a problem with me wearing shorts.
pinga
#8
Not the biggest fan of wearing shorts. I usually only wear them when im doing some kind of physical activity, or if its like 100 degrees outside.
Sail upon the open skies
#12
I'm wearing shorts now because it's summer and I'm not a basement dweller.
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
#13
Men should not put on shorts. It signals that they are classless.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#14
I like shorts! They're comfy and easy to wear!


GO CATERPIE
Last edited by Rockford_rocks at Jul 18, 2013,
#15
Sounds like someone is self-conscious about their legs.

I agree we should ban them for men
Quote by Sliide90027
But as a bigoted lemming, you have so cry an Alinslyite slur revealing you lack of reason and sense.


Quote by MusicLord16
BOB 1. ur 20 and two u like evil things and idk if u worship the devil
#16
Quote by blake1221
Shorts are cool.

They show off tattoos and allow you to cool off.

This brings up the more interesting question of whether leg tattoos are okay.

I maintain they are not
#17
Quote by willT08
This brings up the more interesting question of whether leg tattoos are okay.

I maintain they are not


No one cares will lol
#18
Quote by Todd Hart
I'm wearing shorts now because it's summer and I'm not a basement dweller.


Also this
#21
Now that I think about it I rarely wear shorts but damn there's nothing wrong with wearing them.

Quote by emad
jthm_guitarist
Warned for trolling!


Quote by metal4eva_22
Didn't you say that you had a stuffed fox that you would occasionally fuck?

Quote by Axelfox
It's not a fox,it's a wolf.
#22
Quote by Rockford_rocks
I like shorts! They're comfy and easy to wear!


GO CATERPIE

11/10
Quote by Fat Lard
Why would you spend tens of thousands of dollars to learn about a language you already speak? It was over before it even started dude

Quote by captainsnazz
brot pls
#23
Quote by blake1221
No one cares will lol

Look what thread we're in. Inanity is the name of the game
#24
I have not worn shorts for over 5 years.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#25
Any man who refuses to wear shorts must have woman/fat legs/never go outside? Agreed. Excellent.
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
#26
St Louis Summer dictates I wear shorts from April to late October. Formal events are the only reason I wear pants in the summer.
Also, real men aren't concerned with fashion.
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#27
I prefer wearing long pants for some reason. Shorts feel very nice but I only wear them when I exercise or it's well over 100. I own like two pairs.

Swim suits are the same shit.


^People who do the real men don't *blank* think are stupid.
Quote by Fat Lard
Why would you spend tens of thousands of dollars to learn about a language you already speak? It was over before it even started dude

Quote by captainsnazz
brot pls
#28
Quote by Todd Hart
Any man who refuses to wear shorts must have woman/fat legs/never go outside? Agreed. Excellent.

Nothin wrong with my legs. Shorts just make you look like a caveman. I don't buy designer jeans for nothing.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#29
I wear shorts basically every day of the year. Only put jeans on when going out in the winter

I have nice legs to show off!
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#30


Shorts make you look gay.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#31
Quote by Neo Evil11
Nothin wrong with my legs. Shorts just make you look like a caveman. I don't buy designer jeans for nothing.


You've rather given away any claim to manliness by saying that you buy designed jeans.

Would you wear jeans on the beach?
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
#32
Quote by Todd Hart
Any man who refuses to wear shorts must have woman/fat legs/never go outside? Agreed. Excellent.

basically


Like, I will think you are legitimately weird if you're wearing jeans or sweatpants in over 80º F weather
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
Last edited by WCPhils at Jul 18, 2013,
#33
Quote by WCPhils
I wear shorts basically every day of the year. Only put jeans on when going out in the winter

I have nice legs to show off!

Skinny jeans are better for showin em off.

Quote by Todd Hart
Any man who refuses to wear shorts must have woman/fat legs/never go outside? Agreed. Excellent.

I'm always tempted to not wear them because mine are so white in the back and that never seems to change. I don't actually worry about it anymore though.
Quote by Sliide90027
But as a bigoted lemming, you have so cry an Alinslyite slur revealing you lack of reason and sense.


Quote by MusicLord16
BOB 1. ur 20 and two u like evil things and idk if u worship the devil
#34
Quote by Todd Hart
Any man who refuses to wear shorts must have woman/fat legs/never go outside? Agreed. Excellent.


Eh my problem is that 99% of stores around here sell shorts that are all colorful (im talking bright orange, red, banana yellow) and stop way above the kneecap.


Nothing against any of you who like to wear those type of shorts, but it just aint for me. I feel too weird wearing them


Edit: that picture neo posted is basically every stores definition of shorts
Sail upon the open skies
Last edited by angusfan16 at Jul 18, 2013,
#35
Quote by Todd Hart
You've rather given away any claim to manliness by saying that you buy designed jeans.

Would you wear jeans on the beach?

I never go to tha beach.

Nothing wrong with mah Armani jeans, m8.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#36
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
Skinny jeans are better for showin em off.

maybe if you have shitty skinny girly legs
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#37
Quote by Neo Evil11
I never go to tha beach.

Nothing wrong with mah Armani jeans, m8.
(Invalid img)


You really are a tedious man, aren't you.

Quote by Bob_Sacamano
Skinny jeans are better for showin em off.


You can't show off your manly calves, scars and leg hair with skinny jeans. Plus it's not possible to wear skinny jeans if you own even a single testicle.
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
Last edited by Todd Hart at Jul 18, 2013,
#38
I never wear shorts, I like jeans and it's never really warm enough that shorts are required, but I have no problem with shorts in theory. I wasn't aware that this was a thing.