#1
I'm sick, will be alone for several days and it's storming like all hell. Tell me a story to soothe my discomfort, you sexy bitches.
ayy lmao
#3
HEY! who's that studly stud?
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
#4
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
HEY! who's that studly stud?


I could say the same to you, you studly stud.
ayy lmao
#6
Quote by chookiecookie
I could say the same to you, you studly stud.

oh it's only me
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
#7
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
oh it's only me


Oh, shit. Me, too.

Quote by guitarxo
I hope this makes you feel loads better



You just caused a massive brain aneurysm. I hope you're happy.
ayy lmao
#9
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
If this doesn't soothe you AND energize you, I don't know what will



Would bang 2/4 of those members. 8.2/10 post. Good job, Ali. You're currently in the lead for being the person who didn't make me any worse off than I was to begin with.
ayy lmao
#10
A man was driving in the middle of nowhere down a secluded country road far from any cities. He got a flat tire, and got out to walk for help.After walking for some time, he came to a small stone monastery. He knocked on the door and roused the monks. "I've got a flat tire. Can I use your phone?" He asked.

The monks said they were sorry, but they did not have a phone. "If you stay tonight, you can get a ride on our wagon into town tomorrow," they said. So the man stayed the night, and they put him in a small room in the monastery.

In the middle of the night, the man was awakened suddenly by a noise. Not just any noise, but the loudest, most wonderful, most terrifying, most hair-raising noise ever.

He sat there, his heart beating for a few minutes, and he heard it again!Getting out of bed, he went running in the direction of the noise. It came again, making the hair on the back of his neck rise and his skin crawl. Finally, he came to a large door where the head monk was standing. The door was at least 15 feet tall, and made of solid-looking wood and metal. It had chains and bars and locks and a deadbolt on it, and was the most formidable door the man had ever seen.

"What was that sound?" He asked. "What made it? Is it behind that door?"

The head monk shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said. "I can't tell you; you're not a monk."

As the man turned away, he heard the noise again. "You have to tell me what it is," he begged.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you, you're not a monk," said the monk.

The man tried to sleep, but couldn't get the noise out of his head. In the morning, as he was getting ready to leave, he heard the sound again. It made his ears ring and his mind whirl."Please tell me what made that sound," he said.

But the monks wouldn't. "I'm sorry, you're not a monk" was all they said.

The man left, and eventually got his car fixed and went back to his life. But he couldn't get the sound out of his mind. After a few months, he got in his car and drove and drove until he found the monastery again. He got out of his car and found the head monk. "I can't forget that sound from that night I was here. Please, please please tell me what made that sound." The head monk just shook his head.

"I can't tell you; you're not a monk," he said."Then tell me how I can become a monk," the man said.

The head monk said "It's very difficult. Are you sure you want to do this?"The man said "I've got to. I have to know what made that sound."The head monk said, "To join us, you have to perform several tasks. Your first task is to count all of the stars visible in the sky."

The man thought about how hard that would be, but he had to know what made that sound. He sat up every night for a year, counting the stars over and over until he was sure how many stars were visible in the sky. He went to the head monk and told him, and the monk nodded.

"Very good. Your next task is to count all of the grains of sand on the beaches around the world."The man knew this would be even harder, but he could not get the noise out of his head. He had to know what, what kind of animal, could make that terrible horrible mind-bending sound. So he left on his journeys. He crawled the length and breadth of every beach in the world, counting the grains of sand, and he returned to the monastery years later.The head monk heard his answer and nodded.

"Excellent. You are almost done. Your final task is to climb to the peak of the highest mountain in the world, and see yourself in relation to the rest of creation." And the man knew this would be hard, but he outfitted himself, and he went to the highest mountain in the world, and he climbed to the top, and returned months later, older and wiser and more tired than years before when he had first heard the noise, the noise that would not leave his mind and that echoed in his every waking thought.He returned, and the head monk saw that he was wiser, and said "At last, you are a monk. Come with me."

And they walked through the monastery, its twisting and turning halls, and as they went the man heard the noise again, over and over, and he was no longer sure if it was the noise or merely his memory of it.And finally, finally, he stood in front of the door and the head monk opened it up, and the man saw what had made the noise.

But, I can't tell you what it was. You're not a monk.
MY METALZ YOUTUBE CHANNEL

Quote by angusfan16
Okay UG where's my refund and free xbox. I need It for my 80 yr old grandma. She needs a new flower pot
#13
Quote by chookiecookie
Would bang 2/4 of those members. 8.2/10 post. Good job, Ali. You're currently in the lead for being the person who didn't make me any worse off than I was to begin with.

while technically not progress, i'll consider it such
#14
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
while technically not progress, i'll consider it such


Definitely better than the other posts in here so far.

Obscene's posts were good as well. Short and to the point. Truthful, too. I'm pretty damn studly.
ayy lmao
#15
Quote by chookiecookie
Definitely better than the other posts in here so far.

Obscene's posts were good as well. Short and to the point. Truthful, too. I'm pretty damn studly.

Looking at you is like looking into a mirror
A damn studly mirror
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
#16
Quote by chookiecookie
5.8/10 buildup, 0/10 ending. Huge let down. Thanks, asshole.


No problem buddy Get well soon!
MY METALZ YOUTUBE CHANNEL

Quote by angusfan16
Okay UG where's my refund and free xbox. I need It for my 80 yr old grandma. She needs a new flower pot
Last edited by leony03 at Jul 21, 2013,
#17
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
Looking at you is like looking into a mirror
A damn studly mirror


I could say the same to you, you studly motherfucker

I like to jack off to myself in the mirror. Take that statement and interpret it in whichever way seems best to you.

Quote by leony03
No problem buddy Get well soon!


Thanks. I'd say something nice to you, but after you gave me that horrible letdown, I don't feel obligated.
ayy lmao
Last edited by chookiecookie at Jul 21, 2013,
#19
Quote by CodeMonk
You are sexy


Damn, you are one truthful man. Much appreciated, good sir.

I like a man who's not afraid to speak his mind.
ayy lmao
#20
Quote by chookiecookie

Thanks. I'd say something nice to you, but after you gave me that horrible letdown, I don't feel obligated.


That night, Sue quarreled with her mother, then stormed out of the house. While enroute, she remembered that she did not have any money in her pocket, she did not even have enough coins to make a phone call home.

At the same time, she went through a noodle shop, picking up sweet fragrance, she suddenly felt very hungry. She wished for a bowl of noodles, but she had no money!

The seller saw her standing wheat faltered before the counter and asked:

- Hey little girl, you want to eat a bowl?

- But … but I do not carry money … she shyly replied.

- Okay, I’ll treat you – the seller said – come in, I will cook you a bowl.

A few minutes later the owner brought her a steaming bowl of noodles. Ate some pieces, Sue cried.

- What is it? – He asked.

- Nothing. I am just touched by your kindness! – Sue said as she wiped her tears.

- Even a stranger on the street gives me a bowl of noodles, and my mother, after a quarrel, chased me out of the house. She is cruel!!

The seller sighed:

- Girl, why did you think so? Think again. I only gave you a bowl of noodles and you felt that way. Your mother had raised you since you were little, why were you not grateful and disobeyed your mom?

Sue was really surprised after hearing that.

“Why did I not think of that? A bowl of noodles from a stranger made me feel indebted, and my mother has raised me since I was little and I have never felt so, even a little.”

On the way home, Sue thought in her head what she would say to her mother when she arrives home: “Mom, I’m sorry. I know it is my fault, please forgive me … ”

Once up the steps, Sue saw her mother worried and tired of looking for her everywhere. Upon seeing Sue, her mother gently said: “Sue, come inside honey. You are probably very hungry? I cooked rice and prepared the meal already, come eat while it is still hot …”

Can not control any longer, Sue cried in her mom’s hands.


I've actually been trying to find something nice and I found this. I thought it was nicely written with a good moral ending
MY METALZ YOUTUBE CHANNEL

Quote by angusfan16
Okay UG where's my refund and free xbox. I need It for my 80 yr old grandma. She needs a new flower pot
#21
Quote by leony03
That night, Sue quarreled with her mother, then stormed out of the house. While enroute, she remembered that she did not have any money in her pocket, she did not even have enough coins to make a phone call home.

At the same time, she went through a noodle shop, picking up sweet fragrance, she suddenly felt very hungry. She wished for a bowl of noodles, but she had no money!

The seller saw her standing wheat faltered before the counter and asked:

- Hey little girl, you want to eat a bowl?

- But … but I do not carry money … she shyly replied.

- Okay, I’ll treat you – the seller said – come in, I will cook you a bowl.

A few minutes later the owner brought her a steaming bowl of noodles. Ate some pieces, Sue cried.

- What is it? – He asked.

- Nothing. I am just touched by your kindness! – Sue said as she wiped her tears.

- Even a stranger on the street gives me a bowl of noodles, and my mother, after a quarrel, chased me out of the house. She is cruel!!

The seller sighed:

- Girl, why did you think so? Think again. I only gave you a bowl of noodles and you felt that way. Your mother had raised you since you were little, why were you not grateful and disobeyed your mom?

Sue was really surprised after hearing that.

“Why did I not think of that? A bowl of noodles from a stranger made me feel indebted, and my mother has raised me since I was little and I have never felt so, even a little.”

On the way home, Sue thought in her head what she would say to her mother when she arrives home: “Mom, I’m sorry. I know it is my fault, please forgive me … ”

Once up the steps, Sue saw her mother worried and tired of looking for her everywhere. Upon seeing Sue, her mother gently said: “Sue, come inside honey. You are probably very hungry? I cooked rice and prepared the meal already, come eat while it is still hot …”

Can not control any longer, Sue cried in her mom’s hands.


I've actually been trying to find something nice and I found this. I thought it was nicely written with a good moral ending


I get the feeling it was written by a retarded turtle with irritable bowl syndrome. 00.1/10.

Better than your last story. Try again.
ayy lmao
#22
Quote by chookiecookie
I get the feeling it was written by a retarded turtle with irritable bowl syndrome. 00.1/10.

Better than your last story. Try again.




Ok, ok, heres a selection of Irish jokes.

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey !'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

**********

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

**********

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

**********

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

**********

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

**********

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
MY METALZ YOUTUBE CHANNEL

Quote by angusfan16
Okay UG where's my refund and free xbox. I need It for my 80 yr old grandma. She needs a new flower pot
#23
Oh good there is two of them
You hit 'em and they get back up
I hit 'em and they stay down
- Frank Castle
#24
Quote by leony03


Ok, ok, heres a selection of Irish jokes.

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey !'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

**********

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

**********

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

**********

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

**********

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

**********

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'


Good job. Finally, a quality post from you.. 6.8/10.
ayy lmao
#26
Quote by chookiecookie
Good job. Finally, a quality post from you.. 6.8/10.


Thank you Sire.
MY METALZ YOUTUBE CHANNEL

Quote by angusfan16
Okay UG where's my refund and free xbox. I need It for my 80 yr old grandma. She needs a new flower pot
#28
Quote by OneHappyCamper
Every choice you have made so far has been wrong.


Caused me to take a second look at my choices in life.

Decided every choice I've made so far has been spot on.

You have been discredited
ayy lmao
#29
Quote by chookiecookie

You just caused a massive brain aneurysm. I hope you're happy.

I did not intend for that to happen Im so sorry

i thought you would enjoy looking at a watermelon face
cat
#31
Quote by Masquirina
AHH I GIVE UP






7.8/10. Very amusing

Quote by guitarxo
I did not intend for that to happen Im so sorry

i thought you would enjoy looking at a watermelon face


You get a 10/10 for effort

You get jail for involuntary manslaughter because of the aneurysm. win/win
ayy lmao
#32
Quote by OneHappyCamper
A thank you woulda been fine.

I knows my shit


Thank you. Your contribution was useful Time well spent on typing it.
ayy lmao
#33
Cookie bro you need a big ol man hug.


Or a stripper.


Big male bear stripper.
Sail upon the open skies
#34
Quote by angusfan16
Cookie bro you need a big ol man hug.


Or a stripper.


Big male bear stripper.


Small, female stripper with some beer would be better.

How was periphery?

Assuming you went.
ayy lmao