#1
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.


This seemingly innocent and harmless tale most sang at one point in their childhood is actually ghastly account of a homicide.

There's zero reasons horses should have been aiding in the effort to rebuild him unless harm was intended.

And where does it imply that humpty is an egg?
Other than the 'broken apart', nothing!
Because he isn't an egg, he was originally a boy!
It was a cover up

our lives are a lie.
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
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Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
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I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
#6
Quote by Rossenrot
You could never prove that in court.

I've got a crack detective and a zaney cohort who follows them around despite constant protest from the detective. We've got this.
Quote by Fat Lard
Why would you spend tens of thousands of dollars to learn about a language you already speak? It was over before it even started dude

Quote by captainsnazz
brot pls
#7
Quote by Deliriumbassist
Not only are horses involved, but as they are mentioned first, they are most likely those in charge of the operation. This may be an issue endemic to the region where Humpty lived (and died).


Perhaps this grisly tale was a cry for help!

Maybe it was a distress-rhyme sent out by humtpys people with subtle clues among the horror pointing us into the direction so we might aid them in their fight against the horses tyranny!
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
#8
would never stick.


best you could get is a manslaughter charge for the horsemen, and they would probably blame it on unruly horses. so you'd end up with a huge waste of public money on a trial that leads no where and a couple of 'wild' horses being put down.
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#9
Quote by theguitarist
would never stick.


best you could get is a manslaughter charge for the horsemen, and they would probably blame it on unruly horses. so you'd end up with a huge waste of public money on a trial that leads no where and a couple of 'wild' horses being put down.


There's too many holes, surely they'd see it!

What point is there making us believe he was an egg if it was merely an accident caused by the overaggressive horses!

And why would they try and put him back together again instead of calling an ambulance?
They're willingly putting themselves at the scene of the crime!
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
#10
I eat 4 dozen eggs every morning

btw help me! say something useful in my Perth thread please
cat
#11
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
There's too many holes, surely they'd see it!

What point is there making us believe he was an egg if it was merely an accident caused by the overaggressive horses!

And why would they try and put him back together again instead of calling an ambulance?
They're willingly putting themselves at the scene of the crime!

Maybe the horses were pulling the ambulance.
Quote by Fat Lard
Why would you spend tens of thousands of dollars to learn about a language you already speak? It was over before it even started dude

Quote by captainsnazz
brot pls
#13
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
There's too many holes, surely they'd see it!

What point is there making us believe he was an egg if it was merely an accident caused by the overaggressive horses!

And why would they try and put him back together again instead of calling an ambulance?
They're willingly putting themselves at the scene of the crime!



I mean it's suspicious of course, but while the king and his horsemen are the main suspects here, they would get acquitted in an instant. Even before considering the lack of evidence, the King would get free because he's royalty.


If it wasn't an accident, I think someone else did it. The King doesn't need to hide anything, he's the damn king, if he wanted Humpty dead, he'd just execute him in public or if he was being discreet, he'd have him assassinated. Either way he wouldn't ride up and fumble about trying to resuscitate Humpty.


I think it was his brother who did it. People don't just fall of walls and while you'd think his estranged wife would do it to get hold of the estate before he divorced her, I don't think she has the balls for it. His brother must have been the only one still privy to Humpty's schedule as Humpty stopped talking to everyone else after his wife cheated on him.
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#14
Quote by guitarxo
I eat 4 dozen eggs every morning

btw help me! say something useful in my Perth thread please

You must take the hardest shits.
#16
While I agree that Mr. Dumpty was most certainly not an egg and was in fact a person, I will contest that it was not murder.

You see, poor old Humpty was clinically depressed, especially since losing his son, dear little Fumpty, to the plague. After years of despondency and erectile disfunction, Mrs. Dumpty ran off with one of the King's horses (who incidentally was hung like a horse). Dumpty always resented the horses and thought perhaps if he killed himself in such a destructive way that he could not be repaired, they might catch some of the flack. Either way, he knew it would end the pain he had felt for quite a while.

So you see, the horses are nothing but well meaning, large-penised and innocent.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#18
The story of Humpty Dumpty is obviously allegorical to the plight of any monarchy-lead civilization.

He sat on a wall - "He" being the citizens, sat high on the shoulders of their powerful government, far above any outsider issues

He had a great fall - Some event shook the foundations of the wall, and the people of the monarchy collapsed and ended up on the same level as the previously-sought-as "normal folk"

All the king's horses, and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty back together again - Even the might of the militia and bureaucracy of the monarchy couldn't repair the damage that had occured, and the nation eventually crumbled under the stress of warfare and political unrest
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#20
Quote by jonathan666666
"Ring around the Rosie" is about the plague and cremating bodies.

Now you're trying wayyyy too hard
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#22
That was the joke
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#23
Good investigation Johnson. I knew there was more to this case. I just could never put my finger on it.
#24
Quote by guitarxo
I eat 4 dozen eggs every morning

btw help me! say something useful in my Perth thread please

I did. I gave you a "74 Things to do in Perth" link.

OT:
Humpty was, in fact, an alien. His species spends one of its childhood cycles as an egg.

QED: The horses murdered an alien! In a thousand years or so, Humpty's species will return with nuke-bearing starships! Man, did those horse ever fuck up...
#26
I'll tell you who pushed Humpty Dumpty, who wasn't an egg but a boy - it was the goddamn Lannisters.
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -


Life goes by?
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It's you
#27
This thread is so bad I thought it was by Nelshizzle.
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Your post was the only bright spot in this disgusting piece of thread.

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You have balls. I like balls....(awkward silence)

Quote by SeveralSpecies
I waited for the rape.

...


...but the rape never came
#28
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
I did. I gave you a "74 Things to do in Perth" link.

yes thank you for that! It was really helpful though a bit overwhelming haha I just wanted to hear from people who live there what they do for fun, but apparently they don't
cat
#29
i fell asleep D:

I posted a comment on your profile because I didn't want to bump the thread but I'll go check it out now
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
#32
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
i fell asleep D:

I posted a comment on your profile because I didn't want to bump the thread but I'll go check it out now

yay thank you it would be appreciated very much

Quote by Rockford_rocks
This you?


well obviously, I've got biceps to spare
cat