#1
So basically I've met this girl and I'm completely, utterly, obsessed with her but I have no idea how to put this in a song, you see I can only do politics and social commentary, I have no clue on writing love song that wont end up sounding like cliché Pop-punk, which we do not want.
#2
Well, here's some thoughts that might help get the creative juices flowing. What do you like about her? What do you do together? What do you talk about? Have you or her ever said anything to each other that could lead to clever wordplay? What about her name? What are some things she likes doing? Those are some things I would think about anyway. Hope this helps.
#3
Quote by Jes Johnson
Well, here's some thoughts that might help get the creative juices flowing. What do you like about her? What do you do together? What do you talk about? Have you or her ever said anything to each other that could lead to clever wordplay? What about her name? What are some things she likes doing? Those are some things I would think about anyway. Hope this helps.


Thanks I've been working with the first one as well as the wordplay idea, she ha blue hair so that's proving kindof a gold mine
#4
You could always write from the angle of how you feel when you're apart... That way you can come across a lot less sappy and more deep with darkly shaded emotion... But not to dark... Unless she's into that kinda thing... Always nice to consider you're target audience
Originally posted by adVENTURA
if your in a punk band just do like Lars and Tim in rancid and scream like you got marbles in your mouth.

Check out my Music Here
#5
Quote by Dezerado
You could always write from the angle of how you feel when you're apart... That way you can come across a lot less sappy and more deep with darkly shaded emotion... But not to dark... Unless she's into that kinda thing... Always nice to consider you're target audience

That's a good Idea! Just gone and done that, fixed up some songs I wasn't happy with nicely. Works well for me 'cause she lives about 3 1/2 hours away at the quickest
#6
Here's something I came up with the other night, it's fairly typical of what I've written based on you guys advice;
[chorus]
I wrote these words not sleeping,
but dreaming of you.
Hoping for you to message me,
hoping you knew I existed.
I wrote this song for you
[V1]
Ocean hair and sky blue eyes,
(you) struck (me) like a lightning bolt, that I never tried to hide,
from, 'cause I had no fear.
I could never fear you.
-repeat chorus-
[V2]
They call eyes portals to a soul,
Yours draw me in.
I get lost when you look at me,
I'm lost when I'm away.
-repeat chorus-

Any feedback?
#7
Now my issue is the songs are just dark, she's said she would go out with me if not for the distance, but now she has a boyfriend, I just want her to be happy, but I can't write positive songs anymore...help :P
#8
Personally, I'd say just run with it if that's the direction your creativity's going right now. Some of the best songs I've ever written have been because of situations like that. A lot of people really relate to those kinda songs. Lol, although it may not be something you'd wanna show the girl.
#9
Yeah, I guess, I don't like it though 'cause I keep having like breakdowns and this isn't helping
Haha no, I only show her the nice, cute ones
#10
For a comparison, here's a nice one:
-Numb, On Fire
V1
I've had the best bad night sleep,
every night since I met you.
I've been on overdrive,
everyday since I met you.
Chorus
Look what you're doing to me,
I can't hardly breath,
I'm numb, but every sense is on fire.
*x2*
V2
I've blind to other things,
I see, since I saw you.
But all I see is nothing,
because I can't see you.
Chorus
V1
V2
Chorus.
(I can't do happy, bite me.)
Here's a less happy one. We met up in Camden yesterday and then I wrote this
Heroin/e
V1
I've waited for this day so long,
Now in the twilight hours it fades.
Taking with it my only dream.
Pre-chorus
I missed you before this and I will again now.
I'm sorry for this sad end to
Chorus
Such a perfect day,
because it was spent with you;
My heroin/e
V2
Withdrawal symptoms overcome me,
I know I won't cope,
Without something I can't have.
Pre-chorus
Chorus
V3
My mind cracks, rehab fails,
I refuse to not have you,
But you will be the death of me.
Pre-chorus
Chorus
Guitar solo
Pre-chorus
Chorus x2
-this isn't the darkest but I felt it was appropriate and yes, the chorus is a Lou Reed tribute
I will stress, I'm not nor have I been a drug addict it's just a very good metaphor for unrequited love...
Last edited by UnityFreedomAna at Nov 1, 2013,