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#1
Don't do it, those consumers will gnaw away at your soul. You may not mind your first three months or so, you may even like the job. Here's what does it though, the first day you have around 5 customers ever so "wittingly" remark that the item "must be free" when you can't get it to scan, and the moldy old house wife who suddenly realizes she secretly hates herself, comes through your line and bitches you out because her senile ass can't read a sale sign.

The downward slope is a gradual one though. You may start telling yourself that you only hate the "dickheads" or the "assholes". Then you start passively hating all customers without even knowing it, you hate the sight of them walking up to your line. You find yourself disgusted by them, and you have to hold back throwing blunt objects at them.

You will then start hating yourself for still working the dead end job that is below you, for eight years, and why the **** haven't you been promoted yet? You are ten times the worker Sarah (that's right she spells it with the superfluous "h". Seriously what's with that?!) is. Yet just because you don't give your shift supervisor, a balding mustachioed man who probably wears Nickleback shirts when he tries to pick up chicks at the college bar while going through a midlife crisis, a false impression that you'll suck him off, you don't go anywhere. But you keep jumping through hoops for those above you, just for the hope of any sort of recognition, a sort of pat on the head. You go home, your apartment is a mess, you take temporary solace in the fact that your baseball team won 19-6, but it quickly fades.

Your mind is filled with the irony that you have the ability to calm down an irate customer, even to the point of them calling you the best worker there, yet you cannot even talk to the opposite sex. Alone, drunk, you again find yourself surfing Google for porn, yet by now your desensitized to the normal shit. Oh no, Playboy material just won't cut the cake, you can't even get semi-hard unless it is something that kills whatever is left of your morality.

You then start to question the very fabric of our social society. Your faith in humanity has long since withered away, maybe it was seeing some drunk old man push away an old lady for some shitty plastic toy for his son for Christmas, perhaps someone faking an injury to scam the company out of $500, those are all contributors. It was this sentence however that killed any shred of optimism I had left for we as a species, "I use these self check-out lanes all the time, and I just hate them" this was uttered to me four and a half years ago, it has caused me great trauma, and eventually led to a complete mental break down.

For eighteen long months I was a resident of Calming Meadows Mental Health Institute, eighteen months of my life wasted. In that time I became an uncle my nephew was born in June, took his first step early the next year, and learned to talk a little after that, and I missed it... HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE HELL I AM! My Aunt was diagnosed with cancer right after I was taken away, she left this world a mere 6 weeks before I was released, I never had a chance to say goodbye.

The reason for my eighteen month "lost weekend" is simple, we have 36 checkout lanes and only five (5) of those are the self checkout lanes, there is choice. I realized that, the preceding was not an isolated incident, I had been hearing that line my entire tenure there in one way or another, I just hadn't realized it. That is a re-occurring theme of civilization in the big grand world known as retail.

One day, in the middle of an ordinary shift you may catch a glimpse of an ex-lover who may just happened to be named Krystal. You may have dated her while you were an idealistic young political science major in college. You may have hypothetically dated her for almost two years, two wonderful years, you were going to marry this girl and start a family. After a while though, she couldn't handle it anymore, gone was the fun loving, intelligent, caring boy from northern Minnesota she wanted to spend every waking minute with, he had long since left the picture. In his place sat a shell of his former self, 7:30 in the evening, already on his forth (4th) beer of the night, and his empty eyes staring out into space at nothing in particular.

She spots you at your check out lane, humility fills you, you had just started working there when the two of you were dating. She told you not to drop out, but you just had to "take a semester off, to figure out what (you) want out of life" well six and a half years later you're bagging her tampons, and not in some sick sexual fashion that may just be twisted enough to get you off. You strike a conversation, and she smiles and chuckles at your jokes, but you can see it in her eyes she would rather be somewhere else, anywhere else for that matter. You know have to make your move, and soon. You offer to help her to her car with her order, concealing the pair of scissors they leave at the checkout lane to cut the tags off of various products, you know the plastic ones you hadn't seen since 1st grade. As soon as you load the last bag of cosmetics and various fragrances, she turns to her car and says with a concealed smile "it was nice seeing you". You know it is now or never, you have to have her in your life, whether she wants to be or not, you take the scissors and raise them towards the back of her head and discretely cut a small lock of her hair off.

You catch a drift of it's intoxicating aroma, as a gentle gust of air sweeps through, your knee's quiver, your heart pounds. You run gleefully to your car like Rosie O'Donnell to fatty foods. Searching in your glove compartment you find a rag doll that you taped a picture of Krystal on, the clothes made from various snippets of the clothes she left at your apartment, and now the lock of hair. You leave work without telling anyone, and skip town.

You drive for five days straight, occasionally stopping at a truck stop for a bite to eat, you enter hand in hand with this pseudo lover. You see the looks from the patrons, but you don't care, "they just don't understand our love" you tell the doll. Somewhere in New Mexico you are kissing the forehead of that abomination you created, and you look up too see you are driving into the medium, you overcompensate, and drive off a 900 foot cliff killing yourself in a fiery mess.

I know this because it happened to me.

Or maybe you'll like it, some people do.
#2
tl;dr

it's not that bad
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#3
complaining about having a job how cute




#4
Quote by MinterMan22
complaining about having a job how cute

This.

Also, I just noticed the "working a job that is below you" portion. That's your problem, right there. No job is below anyone, and as long as you think that way, you'll be miserable.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#6
If only you had challenged those Nausicaans in that bar back when you were an ensign.
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#7
Quote by captainsnazz

you beautiful soul :3




#9
Quote by MinterMan22
complaining about having a job how cute


I would like to point out I no longer work in retail, it sucked, but it was a job and I can't really say I regretted it. The post is meant to bizarre and perhaps even a tad humorous if one was so inclined to find it so.
#11
Quote by Hydra150
If only you had challenged those Nausicaans in that bar back when you were an ensign.



Thanks, I've reached my quota now
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#12
Quote by captainsnazz

I sure hope that isn't the case... all of that will be on the quiz next week.
#13
If it's that awful, quit. If you can't afford to quit, be glad you have a job. Yes it's shitty, but there are worse things in life. This coming from someone who's done it for years and hates it himself.

My biggest issue with the OP is that the H in Sarah is not superfluous, it's pronounced differently from Sara.
Quote by Andron17
Go away, I have an erection.


Bassist for Half My Kingdom.
#15
Quote by whywefight
wat

nevermind, it's a europe thing i guess

Looks like you had the same thought/conclusion as I.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#17
Quote by eGraham
This.

Also, I just noticed the "working a job that is below you" portion. That's your problem, right there. No job is below anyone, and as long as you think that way, you'll be miserable.

You don't 'arf talk shit sometimes
#18
Quote by TJ1991
If it's that awful, quit. If you can't afford to quit, be glad you have a job. Yes it's shitty, but there are worse things in life.


I would like to point out I no longer work in retail, it sucked, but it was a job and I can't really say I regretted it. The post is meant to bizarre and perhaps even a tad humorous if one was so inclined to find it so.

Hmm, I had a moment of deja vu as I was typing that... a feeling like I had just said that
#19
I worked at a store in the ghetto, mofos eat your soul I tell yaz.
But seriously, TS, I feel ya bro.
But doll??? ?
#20
as soon as you complained about 'Sarah' having a superfluous 'h' i stopped taking you seriously
Quote by archerygenious
Jesus Christ since when is the Pit a ****ing courtroom...

Like melodic, black, death, symphonic, and/or avant-garde metal? Want to collaborate? Message me!
#22
Quote by vIsIbleNoIsE
as soon as you complained about 'Sarah' having a superfluous 'h' i stopped taking you seriously


I'd say that was probably about the point where I hoped it would be obvious I wasn't being serious.
#23
Did anyone here end up reading the whole thing? Shamalamayalanan would be proud.
#25
Quote by Andrax20
Did anyone here end up reading the whole thing? Shamalamayalanan would be proud.


Judging by the "be happy you have a job" comments I would say no, as it should be clear it isn't as much about retail sucking as it is a post which is just pure intentional absurdity.
#26
Would let write music video.
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#28
Quote by blake1221
I prefer when Sarah is spelled with the H.

My girlfriend's name is Sarah, she gets annoyed when people spell it without the "h." Which means I always spell it without the "h."
#32
Sarah is pronounced kinda like Cera
Sara is pronounced like Sara
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#34
Quote by Thrill-house
My girlfriend's name is Sarah, she gets annoyed when people spell it without the "h." Which means I always spell it without the "h."


As any loving boyfriend should do. Proud of you.
#36
Quote by whywefight
which all three are pronounced sara

nope
Michael Sara? nah
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
Last edited by Hydra150 at Aug 31, 2013,
#37
I worked at a ghetto KMart and only encountered nice people. I worked with some weirdos though.
#40
No, that's how you say Sarah. Unless you're weird like Sarah Phillips on an American, I guess.
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
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