#1
This is my band's newest song I've been working on. It's been going great except for I can't figure out how to go further without cycling through the same riffs and making it drab... so any help is appreciated or just comments in general.
Also I don't usually write drums so I just put something in there to give it some substance behind the guitar and bass.
Attachments:
New Blood Grinder Song.gp5
"The mind is everything. What you think, you become."
#2
There is no snare.

O.o
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#3
Quote by EpiExplorer
There is no snare.

O.o


Times are tough.

The track: not great. "open string chug, note, open string chug, note".
#4
I've got to be honest, it's a pretty bad song. The intro is, frankly, terrible, in this day and age where professional bands often play to metronomes live, using long rests to show off how tight the band is only really works when the band is playing across several time signatures and varying rhythms. I'd recommend varying rhythms, or playing with a metronome live so you could put some pizzicato strings in the rests, or something, otherwise it will be incredibly boring. If you absolutely must keep it, I'd recommend shortening it down to two bars, so that it's not boring, or developing the drums, or varying the harmony. The chorus is alright, nothing special, but it'd do the job, the only issue is that it's a heavy riff, but due to the fact that the song has no contrast, no tension and release, it just feels flat and dull, not only that, it's identical to everything else in the song, just open string chugs with notes in the last two beats. Give the song some variety by switching between triplets and straight notes, chug on some other notes, change rhythms, maybe give the bass something interesting to do, so it breaks out a little.

The breakdown was not needed because the entire song is a breakdown, to put it bluntly. My main complaint about the song is that I wouldn't know which part was which without your markers, there needs to be more dynamics, more variations of rhythms and notes. The main reason why Metalcore is such a popular genre is because there's always a contrast, people go mad when the chorus comes in, as the clean vocals will provide a contrast to the dark, screamed vocals, and while I realise that you're writing Brutal Death, which is nowhere near Metalcore, the same rules of basic songwriting apply. I want to be taken by surprise by a blast beat, or hear a section of the song which just takes me by surprise, I want that breakdown to pin me to my seat, and because there's no tension for the breakdown to release, I'm just not bothered about it. The slam needs to come after a faster paced section, as the name goes, it's a slam, and to me, it just feels like the song is slowly winding down, rather than blasting me with a sudden dirge, as a fan of Funeral Doom, I was pretty disappointed by that.

I'd recommend going back, placing the snares in, to see what difference it makes, and really analysing the song, what sections go on for too long, how you can develop ideas, use different rhythms and notes, instead of going back to that open C all the time, and I will say, you may find that you'll want to move onto a different song, which is fine. If it was my song, I would probably put it to rest, and use a riff or two elsewhere if I really liked it, if things are sounded recycled and it's not even a minute long, perhaps the song wasn't meant to be. However, prove me wrong, take on peoples' advice and make a great piece of music, I'd be interested to hear what people more experienced in this genre can do with it.
Gear

Mesa Dual Rectifier
TC Electronic Polytune
T Rex MAB Overdrive
Boss NS-2
ESP Horizon NT See Thru Black (D Standard)

Celestial Wish on Youtube
#5
Since everyone else seems to hate this song, I'm going to try to play the devil's advocate.

I'm not really sure how you'd go about "grinding blood", but it sounds br00tz! Oh hey, there's a section labeled "SLAM", I'm in love already.

First off, yeah, there's no snare. If you're that tight for money, you can just rent one for this tab (virtual snare hits are cheap!), but in any case, this needs snare so we can tell what the time feel is. The snare hit is what drives the beat in rock. There's not really an easy way to tell how fast the song is going otherwise.

...yeah, I guess I don't really have anything good to say about this.

I can see you're trying to mix it up by changing every fourth bar slightly, but that's not enough. When damn near every measure is two beats of open-string chug, followed by two beats of two or three different types of short spurts of riffing, you're not writing music. Deathcore bands have a lot more variety in their breakdown rhythms, which is how people can stand listening to nothing but breakdowns for a whole album and not get bored (that and structural variation).

If you're dead set on keeping this, what you have is one riff worth of ideas, at most, and only if you add a lot more variation. But you don't have to use every idea you come up with. "Murdering your darlings" is an important skill to learn if you write anything.

And don't be lazy. Copying the rhythm guitar part and changing the patch doesn't make it a bassline. You're not even tuning it down an octave.
Last edited by Cavalcade at Sep 29, 2013,
#6
Incredibly tame and as brutal as a flower pot. I won't even go into more detail because fuck it.
#10
Well, first off I'd like to thank you all for your feedback. Although, it's all very discouraging. I'm interested to see what you all think of our finished songs, and would like to get some feedback so I will post them in the forum in the near future.

I suppose this song needs a lot of work. Please keep in mind as I stated earlier, I do not write drums. I am still practicing writing drums, I just added what I could muster so the song would have some substance in Guitar Pro.

I actually didn't write the main riff. Our drummer was the one who actually came up with the main melody, and I messed around with it and this is what I came up with. I guess I'll try adding in some different rhythms, and change it up a bit.

And I found the fixed version quite funny actually haha. If anyone feels like taking an actual crack at, by all means go for it. I'd be intereseted in hearing the different ideas you all have.

Again, thank you for your feedback.
"The mind is everything. What you think, you become."
#11
I'll try to fit something to your song but later, now I'll go to sleep.
#12
Quote by From Your Grave
fixed


: DDDDD
Last edited by tac_sundome at Sep 30, 2013,
#13
Also, what was the problem with the rhythm guitar?
Let's pretend the main riff that the entire song is based around, and it's awesome...would the second guitar parts be ok then?

There really wasn't a whole lot I could do to the main riff on a second guitar.

The more I read your guy's replies, I'm led to believe that the song sucks because my drum stem sucks. I don't write drum parts. I'm aware it's not very good. But if the guitar and bass was left as is, and the drum parts were in here the way my drummer actually plays, and tension was held and released and there were actual drum transitions, I feel like you guys wouldn't have hated it so much.
"The mind is everything. What you think, you become."
#15
Quote by Ometh
Tell me your influences and I might be able to help you a bit too


Influences for this song, or as a band in general?
"The mind is everything. What you think, you become."
#16
Quote by mardisaaron
Influences for this song, or as a band in general?

Both.
#17
Quote by mardisaaron
Also, what was the problem with the rhythm guitar?
Let's pretend the main riff that the entire song is based around, and it's awesome...would the second guitar parts be ok then?

There really wasn't a whole lot I could do to the main riff on a second guitar.

The more I read your guy's replies, I'm led to believe that the song sucks because my drum stem sucks. I don't write drum parts. I'm aware it's not very good. But if the guitar and bass was left as is, and the drum parts were in here the way my drummer actually plays, and tension was held and released and there were actual drum transitions, I feel like you guys wouldn't have hated it so much.

I'm not sure there's much you can do with this at all. The core of the problem is that there's one riff, and it's bad. Hiring Kevin Talley for drums wouldn't change that. You've got to learn to murder your darlings.
#18
Quote by Ometh
Both.



Well, I'd say The Black Dahlia Murder is large influence in both. Other than that anything that is strongly melodic deathmetal.
"The mind is everything. What you think, you become."
#19
Quote by mardisaaron
Well, I'd say The Black Dahlia Murder is large influence in both. Other than that anything that is strongly melodic deathmetal.

Just saying: this does not sound anything like TBDM. At all. I'll explain why in detail once this class is over.
#20
Quote by mardisaaron
Well, I'd say The Black Dahlia Murder is large influence in both. Other than that anything that is strongly melodic deathmetal.

You're doing it wrong then. This sounds more similar to Slam Death/Deathcore than anything else, and a bad band at that. You need to be more upbeat and use more melodies. Black Dahlia are heavily influenced by Gothenburg Melodeath, specially At The Gates' Slaughter Of The Soul, so expect to use alot of harmonic minor riffs and pedal riffs.
#21
Quote by Ometh
You're doing it wrong then. This sounds more similar to Slam Death/Deathcore than anything else, and a bad band at that. You need to be more upbeat and use more melodies. Black Dahlia are heavily influenced by Gothenburg Melodeath, specially At The Gates' Slaughter Of The Soul, so expect to use alot of harmonic minor riffs and pedal riffs.

That.
Let's have a look at a good TBDM song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDEvqdw2fmA
What are the guitars doing? Mostly pedal-point riffs (that means switching back and forth between a low "pedal" note, and notes in a higher melody), with the low note shifting with the chord progressions. They switch it up with some fast harmonies as fills, to keep things interesting, so it doesn't sound like the same thing over and over for a minute and a half. The (fucking awesome) chorus is driven by a mid-range guitar lead, harmonized along the pentatonic scale. Two guitar parts for the lead and harmony, and a third for the chords.

The great thing about TBDM is that they're not pure melodeath or metalcore. They switch it up with some pure DM (and even black metal) influence from time to time. Like in what might be the only song on Ritual that's even better than Moonlight Equilibrium.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-F8Zmak0pY
Stuff to watch out for:
*0:38- tremolo picked melody lines, backed up with chords in the other guitar
*0:51- the backup guitars switch to a simpler tremolo line with the root of the chords
*1:05- more pedal-point riffs
*1:47- thrash-style picking; fast rhythms with lots of gallops
*2:44- technical death metal; low-range riffs built around arpeggios, with lots of palm-muting

I don't hear any of that in your tab. Instead of putting riffs together note by note, listen to the bands you like and see what they do. Play along with their songs. And eventually it'll seep into your songwriting process, one way or another.
Last edited by Cavalcade at Sep 30, 2013,
#22
Quote by mardisaaron
Also, what was the problem with the rhythm guitar?
Let's pretend the main riff that the entire song is based around, and it's awesome...would the second guitar parts be ok then?

There really wasn't a whole lot I could do to the main riff on a second guitar.

The more I read your guy's replies, I'm led to believe that the song sucks because my drum stem sucks. I don't write drum parts. I'm aware it's not very good. But if the guitar and bass was left as is, and the drum parts were in here the way my drummer actually plays, and tension was held and released and there were actual drum transitions, I feel like you guys wouldn't have hated it so much.


I actually added snare to your drum part before I gave my critique, so that the poor drums couldn't change my views. Never think that drums can carry your song and built tension and release it for you. Great drums can add so much to your song, however, the song needs to be there in the first place. Your guitars are very percussive, mostly being on one note and using staccato and palm muting, so the drums will lock into those rhythms, there may be fills and embellishments, but those rhythms will still be there. The song didn't really have any sections, there was, again, no contrast, no dynamics, nothing to tell you we were going into another section, and it just blurred into one. I've attempted to fix it slightly, see what you think.
Attachments:
New Blood Grinder Song.gp5
Gear

Mesa Dual Rectifier
TC Electronic Polytune
T Rex MAB Overdrive
Boss NS-2
ESP Horizon NT See Thru Black (D Standard)

Celestial Wish on Youtube
Last edited by CelestialGuitar at Sep 30, 2013,
#23
When I first started writing stuff with GP it sounded akin to this (although my hihats didn't always hit the 4/4 beat, haha).
But eh.. I didn't upload those files for others to take apart.
CLICK
Quote by synestershadows
Holy shit nemesis, that was depressing.
Mission accomplished!
#24
Quote by mardisaaron

I actually didn't write the main riff. Our drummer was the one who actually came up with the main melody, and I messed around with it and this is what I came up with.


OF COURSE it was the drummer's riff. It seems like every drummer that comes up with riffs comes up with something like this

Quote by mardisaaron

The more I read your guy's replies, I'm led to believe that the song sucks because my drum stem sucks.


Like Cavalcade said, good drums couldn't fix this. The problem is solely in the guitar parts. the problem with the rhythm guitar is it goes chugchugchugchugdoombadedum for every riff