Bleed Away
Join date: Feb 2006
2,671 IQ
God’s (bastard) son
grew in silence
like the best of us.

The crooked halo symbolises no state of being,
just an inner child etherised
at 5 in the morning - far more than any pure heart
can take.

Watch the apprehension materialise
into an unplaceable archangel,
abstract enough to mistake for a companion
until the love lost evokes an epiphany:
God’s language doesn’t deal in semantics.

So keep silent.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Oct 7, 2013,
Bad Santa
Join date: May 2006
8,469 IQ
The deliberate diction bugged me until you addressed it somewhat at the finale. Smart, but it still wasn't enough for me to commit to saying I fully enjoyed this. It's like a provocative Ryvita. I think the stodgy vocabulary and lack of real rhythm is alienating, appealing only in small doses. The line breaks and run-ons are inconsistent, so it feels as though little thought has been allotted for the reader's experience - some intrusive punctuation across the whole piece is also indicative of this.

Smart but not something I'd frame. Perhaps it's the intimidating/instructive tone. Or maybe its me.