#1
So, I recently moved in with the girlfriend (beginning of August), and she has cat. Now personally I don't really care for the furry little black gremlin, nor any other cats for that matter, but I've tried in the past to get along with it. About a year ago I was petting it, all was well, when suddenly out of nowhere the demonic bitch flipped out hissed and bit me.

So I said, "F*ck right off with yourself, I ain't trying to be friends anymore."

But then I moved in, and after awhile I'm spending more time with the cat then she is. The cat, of course is nuttier then squirrel turds, and completely ignores my GF who tries to pet her all the time, crazy feline even hisses and bites her. The cat is just freaked out all the time, and of course it's my fault.

So I break down and give the worthless flea bag a pet every once in awhile. Now the pyscho wh*re won't leave me alone. I can't lie down, I grab a book it lays atop it, continuously rubs against me, and sticks her ass in my face.

Just now it tried to jump in my lap, and I said no, it pawed my leg, so I reached to pet her, and she hissed and bit me again, then flew out of the room. Makes me want to throw her mangy ass in the dryer for awhile. She will be back though, she always comes back, to rub up on me, and pur, acting all innocent and charming.

I'd be fine ignoring her, but she won't leave alone, and the GF is all sorts of sad that the cat ignores her.

Anyway, advice?

Anyone else have similar stories containing pets, and other cursed living arrangements?
"Pain or damage don't end the world nor despair, nor fuckin' beatings. The world ends when you're dead, until then you have more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back."
#2
Cats maintain eye contact to establish dominance. First one to look away is the submissive one. Show that **** who's boss with a staring contest.
#3
Quote by progdude93
Cats maintain eye contact to establish dominance. First one to look away is the submissive one. Show that **** who's boss with a staring contest.


I'd like to say I have better things to do with my time, but I don't. So, I will be staring into a dark hallway closet for the next six hours.

Wish me luck.
"Pain or damage don't end the world nor despair, nor fuckin' beatings. The world ends when you're dead, until then you have more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back."
#4
Good luck

If you don't report back within an hour, I'll assume Satan's minion has consumed your soul.
#5
Make sure the cat has enough high places to perch upon.


I'm serious. Cats get seriously stressed out when they have to be on ground level all the time.
#6
yeah you have to remember that unlike dogs who came to us out of a beneficial arrangement
cats just picked us cause we have nicer things and not because they need us

i like cats they dont give a ****

but yeah make sure it always had food or water and a nice place to sleep prefereably off te ground

also get a lazer pointer cause its fun to watch them run around
#8
The cat can smell the weakness in both of you... You smelly fcks.
If you want to shine like the sun first you must burn like it.
#9
maybe if your girlfriend spayed her ****ing cat it wouldn't be a ****ing unspayed psycho cat
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Bitches be Crazy.

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#10
you are socially inept, as far as felines go. if you want to establish a positive relationship with this cat but nothing over the top, just let it rub you. do not reinforce that behavior by petting it, but don't punish it by shoving the cat aside.
i don't know why i feel so dry
#11
Yeah a lot of negative cat behavior can be stopped through having enough high places and playing with the cat. If the cat is rubbing on you, you can let her rub but you don't have to pet her for it. Get one of those sticks with a string and feather on it and use that for like 15 mins, she'll chase it like an idiot. Might help.
#13
Quote by guitarxo
Stop having such a negative attitude towards this cat first

best advice. Animals are not stupid, they can feel that you hate them.
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
#15
"Do you have food? look I flopped over, pet me. squish my fat butt! food in hands? food in pockets? if I were larger I would eat you but instead we can just snuggle best friends forever. any food yet? owner I need to kill something soon, scratch my ears please"
#16
Quote by Colohue
Smarter than people then.

I'm quite certain that most people are capable of this as well though. It's just a matter of picking up certain signals in the other person's behaviour that indicate that he/she doesn't like you.
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
#18
Step 1: Find a pillowcase or a sack.

Step 2: Find a hammer.

Step 3: I'm sure you'll figure it out.
#19
Quote by the bartender
I'm quite certain that most people are capable of this as well though. It's just a matter of picking up certain signals in the other person's behaviour that indicate that he/she doesn't like you.


All people are capable of it, animals are just smart enough to act on it. When's the last time a cat came up to you and said "Ignorance Is Bliss."

Never. It's never happened.
#21
Some cats just suck, same with dogs, at least cats usually run after they bite.

Every cat I've owned just showed up, was awesome, so I just started feeding them, and they never left. I prefer cats, they mind their own damn business unless I want to give them attention.
#22
Quote by guitarxo
Stop having such a negative attitude towards this cat first


This.
Sail upon the open skies
#23
Put it in a box with a radiation source, a geiger counter attached to a hammer and a sealed flask of poisonous gas.
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
#24
damnit Schrodinger, your animal advice isn't welcome here! Not after that last time! God, that box both smelled terrible and mild at the same damn time.
#25
I just wanted to start a kennels, not some stupid quantum mechanics bollocks!
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
#26
And see where that got you! An animal welfare complaint and a stern look from the original owner of that poor creature.
#27
Quote by progdude93
And see where that got you! An animal welfare complaint and a stern look from the original owner of that poor creature.


Her cat was fine, maybe.
...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
#28
Quote by progdude93
Cats maintain eye contact to establish dominance. First one to look away is the submissive one. Show that **** who's boss with a staring contest.


This

Cats are like cholos, i guess.
#29
Quote by Todd Hart
Her cat was fine, maybe.


How would you know?! You just gave the lady at the Korean restaurant the box and said, "Keep the change."
#31
Cats, like most animals, can pick up whether you're feeling tense towards them or relaxed towards them. They want to be with the person they're most comfortable with, which happens to be you. The best approach would be to show your confidence, even if you don't like cats. She'll grow to respect you, and you might grow to like her as well. Such relationships develop over time.

And don't forget that her primary interest is food, no exceptions.
#32
Quote by Todd Hart
Her cat was fine, maybe.

Perfect

And don't even think about it...

But yeah cats are lame, I don't know what you expect.
#33
Quote by Toadvine

So I break down and give the worthless flea bag a pet every once in awhile. Now the pyscho wh*re won't leave me alone. I can't lie down, I grab a book it lays atop it, continuously rubs against me, and sticks her ass in my face.

I feel you, TS.

I always have this problem with women.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#34
Buy a lazer pointer and have it chase around the dot until it open mouth breathes (starts panting from exhaustion). Usually takes like 15 minutes.

It will sleep the entire rest of the day.

I saw this on the Animal Doctor show, its what you do when you have a really aggressive or attention seeking cat.
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Sadly this is Ultimate-guitar, not Simple-guitar. We can't help you.


#35
Ok so first.. The cat seems to just have a lot of pent up energy.. You (or your gf) needs to expend some of that energy. Every day unfortunately (probably). Like a few other people in the thread have said you should probably get a cat toy. Strings, feathers and what-not. Since the cat has a lot of energy you might want to opt for a bigger toy.. It might tear apart smaller toys too fast. After it starts getting tired (10-15 min. usually) it should be fed. You should do this as close to the same time every day. Also over feeding is bad and can cause a lot of problems in cats. So i'd suggest looking up the amount you should be feeding your cat depending in its weight.

Tl;dr watch my cat from hell.. it helps a lot with just about any (behavioral) cat problem you can think of.
#36
My friend has a cat, back in middle school when he first got it I decided to train it to be a spartan kitty. I wanted it to rule the alleyways as a king cat.
I stuffed it in a pillow and locked it in a drawer for a little while, then I took it out and bashed it against the wall.
The cat now always runs away from me anytime I go over to his house. So yea, that's my advice.