#1
What happened here
Where am I
Nothing made sense
Now it's become clear

Again and again I'm crushed
Beaten to the bone
It doesn't matter
RISE!

WORK for the kill
FIGHT till death
CON-QUER your fear
WORK FIGHT CONQUER!

The days I've spent
Hiding myself
For your dream
For nothing

Once more in the heat
No time for tears
No way out & no retreat
RISE!

WORK for the kill
FIGHT till death
CON-QUER your fear
WORK FIGHT CONQUER!

Raise your glass in my name
Praise my mighty deeds
All a part of your game

WORK for the kill
FIGHT till death
CONQUER your fear
WORK FIGHT CONQUER!

I just wrote this a few minutes ago, and I'm not sure if it's any good. What do you think?
If I could get THAT sound out of a Casio Mickey Mouse watch, I would play a Casio Mickey Mouse watch
Last edited by Wetstra at Oct 23, 2013,
#2
I like the "work fight conquer" phrase I imagine in being yelled out in short, loud pulses SOAD style like: WORK! FIGHT! CONQUER! I also like that it has a positive message. It seems to me though that the meat of the song could use some depth. As you said its just a draft, and at this point I think the verses are pretty vague. Im left asking: what has been holding you back? who is raising the glass? is that offensive to you? If so why?
Overall i think the work/fight/conquer phrase is a good start. I could see myself working out or doing yard work to that mantra.
Would you mind critiqueing mine? Link below.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=32000006#post32000006
Last edited by ramble-on at Oct 21, 2013,
#3
Thanks for the feedback, I think you might be right about giving the "meat" more depth. Again, thanks a lot.
If I could get THAT sound out of a Casio Mickey Mouse watch, I would play a Casio Mickey Mouse watch