#1
Just a song about my last month, never wrote a song before and these pop love songs aren't my style, but just wrote about what I feel.


With these wide open eyes, that remind me the sea
You are looking at me, asking coriously,
Why do I belive, in a god that above
But I never ask you more than your love

We are sitting together, and the questions you ask
Are nothing for me, but revealing the fact,
That your world is my lust, my world is your war
We can't be together, because the chain of my heart

And I hate myself, for loving you
Why do I chasing heartache and flu
Will you ever be mine, if now you are gone
Now it's just me alone, watching your colder world

Now I'm sitting alone, just writing a song,
about my love for an angel, who lives in a different world
Suddenly I feel that you enter the room,
But it just cuz your soul that flow in my blood

And I hate myself, for loving you
Why do I chasing heartache and flu
Will you ever be mine, if you are gone
Now it's just me alone, watching your colder world
#2
I think made several typos, such as "coriously" (did you mean "curiously"?) and "Why do I chasing heartache and flu" (did you mean "Why do I keep chasing heartache and flu" or "Why am I chasing heartache and flu" or what?). I like what I perceive to be the theme as a whole and the rhyming scheme.

Crit mine?
Last edited by crazysam23_Atax at Oct 20, 2013,
#3
Thank on the reply!

While writing the song I wasn't thinking too much about grammer, I will fix it.
And yeah, I ment curiously.

I would appriciate some more replies