#2
Well it's short and sweet, and to the point that eludes me, but it gives a lovely light.
"Pain or damage don't end the world nor despair, nor fuckin' beatings. The world ends when you're dead, until then you have more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back."
#3
I find the last four lines of the first stanza frustrating to read. It seems too choppy and breaks the flow (from the way I was reading). The last stanza however, is great. I love the concept.

Just watch on flow, maybe use more punctuation to guide the reader how this poem is to be read. Overall 8/10. Good job.

Crit my song "I'm Lying"
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1621189
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#4
the two stanzas don't seem as congruent as i think they ought to be. brevity, in my mind, is a bitch because you have to make everything so goddamn concise and cohesive. that being said, the first stanza is quite lovely, it has an air of carelessness and love that is really well put. i don't know that it could stand on it's own, but maybe it could be developed further without the second stanza.