doubtfulsalmon
______________
Join date: Jan 2011
628 IQ
#2
i can almost hear panned voices speaking the different narratives.

i felt this so so much, there's nothing more i can say.
popeye100
UG Member
Join date: Mar 2006
1,087 IQ
#3
I agree with doubtfulsalmon. How you have the layout makes it seem that there is more than one narrator.

This is a beautiful piece. Be careful with layouts like this however; they can be hard to read at times.

Great use of descriptive vocabulary. This helps force the reader into the emotion you're projecting.

Good piece man!

Crit mine if you like,
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1621189
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crazysam23_Atax
Feuergesicht
Join date: Oct 2009
5,710 IQ
#4
I really feel like the layout adds a lot to the piece. I like it. I especially enjoy the stanza:
Fame comes as a faint flicker
then disappears, just as her name
was not real but something you'd love.


I feel like this stanza has a couple of meanings. One I suspect is probably personal to you, Eccer. Another is comparing the fleeting time of fame and contrasting it to human mortality. A 3rd meaning is connected to lost love or maybe a lost romantic opportunity, I think. I'm a big sucker for lines/stanzas that lend well to multiple interpretations!

Well done!