i can almost hear panned voices speaking the different narratives.

i felt this so so much, there's nothing more i can say.
I agree with doubtfulsalmon. How you have the layout makes it seem that there is more than one narrator.

This is a beautiful piece. Be careful with layouts like this however; they can be hard to read at times.

Great use of descriptive vocabulary. This helps force the reader into the emotion you're projecting.

Good piece man!

Crit mine if you like,
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while

Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!

I really feel like the layout adds a lot to the piece. I like it. I especially enjoy the stanza:
Fame comes as a faint flicker
then disappears, just as her name
was not real but something you'd love.

I feel like this stanza has a couple of meanings. One I suspect is probably personal to you, Eccer. Another is comparing the fleeting time of fame and contrasting it to human mortality. A 3rd meaning is connected to lost love or maybe a lost romantic opportunity, I think. I'm a big sucker for lines/stanzas that lend well to multiple interpretations!

Well done!