#1
Hello! This is my first thread ever, so any help is appritiated. I have a lot of lyrics that I've been writing for the past 1-2 years (since about 8th grade) and I want to show to someone what I've recently been working on to see if they're decent. These are only a few that I have in my 'vault' of lyrics. My main influences are Korn, Pink Floyd, Disturbed, Avenged Sevenfold, and Black Sabbath, so that's the kind of sound I'm going for. If you are familiar with any of these artists, and these lyrics sound too much like them, please tell me so I can see if they can be edited (although I think they're good as is, I don't want to sound too much like a certain artist). Thanks for your opinions.

Life's killing me

The hatred is so real
It's the kindness that is fake
When I'm not in my mind
I think I'm gonna cry

I've been me all my life
But that doesn't kill the pain
Life makes me wanna die
So why not suicide?

It's killing me now
These feelings I've tried hard to hide inside
Are killing me now
You don't even know how
They've been breaking me inside and out
Now they're raping me now

You act like you don't care
And that you can't see the pain
Act like you don't know where
This whole thing started (it was you)

It's killing me now
These feelings I've tried hard to hide inside
Are killing me now
You don't even know how
They've been breaking me inside and out
Now they're raping me now

Now
It's breaking me
Raping me
Killing me
Now life's ****ing me
It's raping me
It's killing me

It's killing me now
These feelings I've tried hard to hide inside
Are killing me now
You don't even know how
They've been breaking me inside and out
Now they're raping me now
They're raping me now
They're raping me now
They're killing me now


Don't let the pain go away

Don't make the pain stop
It's keeping me alive
The one thing making me breath
Is raping me inside

The hate is all I ever loved
And it'll be my only lover
Don't think I'm liked up above
I hate you like a brother

Don't make the pain ever stop oh no
I don't want you to make it run oh no
At first it was all fun and games
But now someone's gotten hurt again
Don't let the pain go away oh no
I don't want you to make it run away oh no
It's the only thing keeping me alive
Cus the love is long gone now- it died

(Don't let the pain go away) Oh no
(Don't let the pain go away) Oh no
(Don't let the pain go away) Oh no


It all falls down *Not yet complete*

Break the world
That he humbly- horribly live in
Lost in the earth
The hope we violently search for
Can't get enough
Of all the destructive answers
I pray to god
But I don't think it made it through

To you
Nothing lasts forever
It just withers away in our minds
All the joy we lost but treasure
Isn't coming back

It all falls down
No mater how hard we try
We still can't deny that
It all falls down
The world we enjoy
We're about to destroy
It all falls down

See the sun
It burns the trees and starts the fire
Of violent ends
That cannot be controlled
We pray to god
But they don't get through
So we wait and see
If we'll all be destroyed

In the end
Nothing left to treasure
In the love you left behind
We search on one last endeavor
To see if we'll

All fall down
No mater how hard we try
We still can't deny that
It all falls down
The world we enjoy
We're about to destroy
It all falls now
It all falls down
Last edited by jsmasi98 at Nov 3, 2013,
#2
Very organized and nice use of words. I like the dark mood of a real heavy Sabbath song without sounding like you copied from them. Not too many cliches. Definitely keep up the good work with your writing. If you can, please check out some of my lyrics, it would mean a lot.
#3
Thanks for liking my work man, it mean a lot to me. And I saw your work on your forums. A really good tip I found in a forum, was to go in depth with the topics. Examine every last detail in them, and it'll make a really true and soulful piece, even if some of the lines won't make sense to some people. Other then that , thy were awesome, especially To Roam. That one was a very sabbath/Hendrix vibe to it, and over all was a very cool and very melo vibe, almost like you're high singing this (although that's what psychedelic rock basically is, and what most of the rick/metal lyrics were in the 60s and 70s was people getting high and writing about the experience). Again, thanks for the nice review and good lyrics, keep it up man!
#4
One piece per thread, please. Read the rules if you haven't already. Repost each thread as per the rules when you're ready. Welcome to the forum!