#1
lately my days are forced into
starting. this time it's d.j. &
the room is warm, the floor never
creaks so i'm at home, but
at least last means i always know what
i'm getting into.
the leaves kill the grass, d.j.
had a test and i made him late, on our way
back we didn't see any trick-or-treaters, we didn't find
his thick-rimmed glasses.
on the couch we have chris, ann, M.,
rodrigo, bryce, john, baopei and
emma's on her way.________________the neighbors
avoid us for our sheer force of numbers (but when
the water stops we leave).
i'm always looking for more people, always looking
to subvert the coming morning, the sore throat
& the sink full of dishes.

i wear my charisma like
something foraged, smile in the post-consumer landscape.
ann & M. & i
ride in the back, we feel
fine past the big bank buildings on 50. everything we
know about ancient civilizations, we
know from their garbage-
mesopotamic mcdonalds cups
condom wrappers in cuneioform
& the pacific gyres are out there swirling,
lulling us in their hypnotic currents.
grapefruit & bread, a microwave pizza isn't bad. pumpkins rot
on porches in the time of our indulgence.
back past the banks, back past the karaoke bar,
the used car dealerships, the korean bakery.
ann's writing the record
when she throws her cigarette butt out the window.
in the vast numeration of things, we lose
our object permanism,
but in the amnesiac mornings, i go
out gathering, trying to remember.
Last edited by brokencoastline at Nov 3, 2013,
#2
thanks for writing again. this is way too good.
Quote by Arthur Curry
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#3

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Some parts of these lyrics reminds me of Allen Ginsberg's works.
Last edited by GameSkate at Nov 3, 2013,
#5
the second stanza was really great. the images flowed well together. the first though felt a bit long and not as well formed.
#6
You're such a lovely writer. Stylistically, I admire you very much--its not flashy or anything but its just really pretty and resonant with me, and there always feels like there's something driving this just below the surface that somehow in some great or small way matters. Your little corner of this place is still one of my bigger inspirations.
Hope you keep checking in.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Last edited by jiminizzle at Nov 4, 2013,
#8
Although I had to read it a couple of times, it was well worth it!

The first part reminds me of halloween in a sense, I liked it. It's really descriptive and tells us about the people in the story. It's not dragged out or long at all as some may have commented here. However when it comes to the second half, the story shifts its direction and kinda ends up in a post apocalyptic landscape of which I imagined at least (The Last of Us). Although there is an underlying tone that says it's not. So of course, this piece can be anything. But that's how I saw it, and wish for it to stay.

I really liked this sir.
Edit: yes you may look on my newest if you so wish.
Last edited by Eccer at Nov 7, 2013,
#9
I'm a bit late to this, but I really like how sprawling that first stanza is, it seems comfortable and natural.

This made me think of messing around with mates in a town I know too well, and hate, just killing time to avoid the inevitability of school. It's also kind of like walking in the morning before anyone else is awake, and just thinking.

I didn't really say anything constructive, but here's my most recent if you wanna give it a look
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1621313