#1
Hey folks.

I have a bit of a quandary on my hands and I need some advice.

Long story short I left the band I was in for 3 yrs a number months ago. I left as very little progress was made in that time due to the 2 founding members controlling what was done when it was done. The split was an amicable one and I still get on well with everyone involved. When I left the bass player walked shortly afterwards and now the drummer is starting to wise up as well.

The bassist drummer and I have been jamming for the past couple of months and things are moving very quickly. We are now looking for another guitarist and vocalist to complete the line up. The problem is that the drummer is still with the old band and he hasn't told them he is playing with us as well. The bass player also wants to keep things cordial between all parties by not treading on any toes. Then there's me who is thinking that inadvertently those 2 guys are still controlling the progress of this new project.

My main problem here is that we have had ads up looking for the remaining places we need filled. We have had no luck thus although it's still early in the game. I reckon due to the fact that we have had say we are still looking for a drummer it may be enough to turn folk off the idea of trying out. A silly pathetic move in my view that was made not to spook our former band mates. I know when I look at band ads if they are looking for a drummer, the thought is always there that you could be in for a long ole wait for that project to get out of the starting blocks. This is what i think has been detrimental to us finding other members.

I know our drummer has to sack up and make the decision to tell the other guys if he is moving on. I just don't wanna come off as a pushy **** forcing him into it though. The other play is to put on our ads that we have a drummer in place but i know for a fact that the guitarist from the old band would be in our face demanding to know whats what it's ****ing crazy i tell ya lol.

In the interest of keeping all parties reasonably happy and also make some head way with the new project, what would you folks do in the same situation?
#2
The 2 guys from your old band sound like dicks, disregard their opinion.

Talk to the drummer. Ask him where he stands. You can have a discussion with him without being pushy, just keep your cool and don't get agitated, don't get defensive if he shows more interest in staying with the old group. Let him know that you have a direction you want to go in with the new group and you're really just waiting for the green light from him. Let him know that is' perfectly fine if he decides to stay with those two other guys. If he offers to split time, tell him it really would not be in your best interest trying to coordinate with musicians who have obligations with other groups. This all sounds fairly innocent, just be a man about it and not some sniveling little teenager, and by that I mean, just deal with the situation. Some people like to come on here and talk about how "woe is them, they are the creative force in a group and the rest of their group can't take them", that's childish. If he says he'd like to be with you guys, great... make sure he knows that he can't do the other group as well, and if he says no, oh well it was amicable, and if he says I don't know, let him have a couple of days to make up his mind.
Last edited by Haynus_aynus at Nov 4, 2013,
#3
I would just tell the other 2 guys from the previous band to be men and find some other players. Meanwhile, if you guys in your new band are happy, then wheres the rift? I understand about the drummer, Ive been in the same situation at one time or another, my record being 5 bands at once. But at the end of the day, just approach your drummer and say "hey, I wanna get this moving, and if you wanna be in that band with those other guys, cool, go do it. we can find a new drummer." and if your drummer wants to chill and stay with you, then tell him to balls up and talk to the other members. whats the worst they can do? talk shit about your new band that COULD be better than theirs IMO its all about just being a man and facing up to whatever. I had to quit some of my friends bands that ive know since I was a kid, and we have all remained friends.

If anything, they could also be very supportive, you never know.
#4
Anyone that's worth having as a friend will get over anything you do here. I know, it's cliche, but true. Tell your guys you want to move forward and that requires solid commitment. If they can't hang, they can go back to the other band where it sounds like their creativity will be compromised.
I also can't believe you are having this much trouble finding a guitar player and a vocalist. You should be auditioning people left and right. Your problem should be "which one do we go with".
Don't be afraid to put it out there. Yo may be surprised at the result.
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#5
Thanks for chiming in guys I really appreciate it.

Yea things are going great with the new project everyone seems very happy as we are actually making progress.

These guys all knew each other well prior to being in the band. I'm the out of towner so to speak hence why i have no trouble moving on quickly. I guess the annoying part is how our drummer has not gone about handling the guys from the previous project properly. I don't mind if our drummer was playing in both projects i could care less tbh as long as he is up front with them as I can't be bothered with the sorta unnecessary backlash that will ensue.

You have all defo given me something to think about. I guess we are gonna have to be a bit more direct with our drummer fair but firm. Communication is king.

Cheers folks greatly appreciated