#1
Just thought up some silly song about my loathing of the music industry on the way home, thought I'd share. I've only written two verses and pre-chori so far, I'd appreciate some help and criticisms.

I don't Like Your Music

Sell your music, sell your name,
Sing of money, sing of fame,
Sing of drinking, sing of sex,
And fill your greasy palms with change and checks.

Sing of of stuff they'll understand,
Sing of how you think you're grand,
Sing of what they say you should,
You'r a painted, cardboard set in Hollywood.

You sing aloud
Of how you're proud
But you're member of the crowd,
And, no surprise,
Your thin-veiled lies
All just fall through.

The world is bleak,
You're not unique,
And, to be frank, you make me sick,
So just give in,
It's not a sin,
You're worthless too.
(Let me bring it to you)

(I don't like your music)
You're meaningless and bland,
#2
your rhyme scheme is off and the flow sucks pretty bad apart from that idea is good it lacks metaphor and imagery
Hi
#3
sounds nofx like
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.
#7
Very nice great potential here. Just seems like you are trying too hard to rhyme, but it's a wonderful start.