Okay, so I gave this a listen, and I'm going to be really really honest with you:

I do hear some definite potential in here, but this song needs a lot of work. I think the drums sound alright, but could benefit from being a little more saturated and maybe being given just a bit more compression. The mix here would also definitely benefit a lot if you would pan out the guitars far right and far left to create some space for the vocals and bass - I also think the guitars could use additional processing (i.e. EQing, compression, etc.) to sit better in the mix.

I rather like the lyrics, but the vocals honestly leave a lot to be desired. They sound extremely pitchy and you're singing from your throat which is (I'm sorry to say) obviously causing your voice a great deal of strain. You need to be singing from your diaphragm - this will make a great deal of difference and will allow you to sing much louder and with greater range. Also, I might consider changing the key of this song if I were you if you're struggling to stay on pitch like this.

I mean all of this in the most constructive way and encourage you to keep at it! You'll get there

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1623345