#1
Ok, I know asking for medical advice is against the rules. But that's not what this is.

(And I know asking The Pit for this kind of advice is like dressing up in a meat suit and walking into a tiger cage).

Yes, I am depressed. This page on WebMD pretty much describes me almost perfectly: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-chronic-pain

TO THE MODS : I AM NOT LOOKING FOR OR ASKING FOR MEDICAL ADVICE, JUST ASKING IF ANYONE HAS COME ACROSS INFORMATION ON THE FOLLOWING:
How criticism affects or exacerbates depression.
damn near every word that comes out of my moms mouth is to criticize me, for instance:
Last week I had kidney stones. VERY VERY painful.
On the way to the hospital, after I had puked probably 3 times, the first thing my mom said to me was "Your hair looks messy, you should have combed it before we left".
I'm doubled over in pain and puking every few minutes, and that's the first thing she thinks to say me about? Not "How are you feeling" or something?

I have found a few things but nothing that really seems to fit my situation.

I have no insurance, nor income currently, so I am trying to find out as much as I can before I do seek some medical/mental help if needed.
I just can't afford to go to countless doctors before I find one that actually knows what the hell they are doing.
#3
Quote by T00DEEPBLUE
http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2009/04/a-mothers-criticism-touches-nerve-in-formerly-depressed/

If you want a strictly scientific answer.


My question is, have you told your mum that you're not okay with her nagging you?


Several times.
Her response is usually something like "Then get your shit together".

Oh, BTW, my name is not Roberta, that was done as a joke in one of the sub forums
My name is actually Rob
(I only mention that since that report seemed to focus on females).

But thanks though.
Last edited by CodeMonk at Nov 16, 2013,
#4
Feelings of guilt and persecution are typical of major depression. Criticism is sure to excacerbate those feelings.

One of many CBT strategies is to eliminate 'shoulds'. 'Shoulds' aren't very helpful. I recommend reading the chapter about 'shoulds' in Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. A good book worth pirating.
#5
Quote by CodeMonk
Several times.
Her response is usually something like "Then get your shit together".

Then tell her that it isn't helping you. And that instead of worrying on the small things, it would be better for her to see the bigger picture that you were very ill and that you needed her compassion and support.

Oh, BTW, my name is not Roberta, that was done as a joke in one of the sub forums
My name is actually Rob
(I only mention that since that report seemed to focus on females).

But thanks though.



... I'm... relieved that's been cleared up... I guess...
Quote by Godsmack_IV
Feelings of guilt and persecution are typical of major depression. Criticism is sure to excacerbate those feelings.

One of many CBT strategies is to eliminate 'shoulds'. 'Shoulds' aren't very helpful. I recommend reading the chapter about 'shoulds' in Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. A good book worth pirating.

+1

I've read that exact book. It's quite good.
Quote by Axelfox
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
I also have to do that. Cottaging this weekend
Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Nov 16, 2013,
#6
Let's ask what Genrecore thinks:

The peasants grew with unease and rancor towards my last thread. It was met with hostile responses and criticisms including personal insults such as my neckbeard. Did I falter? No, I fought through the ignorance of the common rabble. It is my vindication for metal that has spared me from depression, despite being a fan of depressive suicidal black metal. While I know that there is a stark difference between a close one criticizing you, and a pleb. Don't take it too harsh, perhaps it is your mother that needs help more. Who knows she could have an illness? So don't take everything she does personally. Also if you ever feel depressed, some Xasthur does the job.
#7
Quote by Genrecore
Let's ask what Genrecore thinks:

The peasants grew with unease and rancor towards my last thread. It was met with hostile responses and criticisms including personal insults such as my neckbeard. Did I falter? No, I fought through the ignorance of the common rabble. It is my vindication for metal that has spared me from depression, despite being a fan of depressive suicidal black metal.



There is only one Ye Black Knight.

Edit: Okay, based on your post history, you seem like a pretentious douche.
Quote by Axelfox
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
I also have to do that. Cottaging this weekend
Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Nov 16, 2013,
#8
Quote by Genrecore
Let's ask what Genrecore thinks:

The peasants grew with unease and rancor towards my last thread. It was met with hostile responses and criticisms including personal insults such as my neckbeard. Did I falter? No, I fought through the ignorance of the common rabble. It is my vindication for metal that has spared me from depression, despite being a fan of depressive suicidal black metal. While I know that there is a stark difference between a close one criticizing you, and a pleb. Don't take it too harsh, perhaps it is your mother that needs help more. Who knows she could have an illness? So don't take everything she does personally. Also if you ever feel depressed, some Xasthur does the job.


Get fucked you tool. No one cares what you think. The guy is obviously having a hard time are you think this the thread to carry on like this?

To the TS, Last December through March I was having a hard time, got very depressed about not being able to get a job, get money and be independent like I had been, almost put myself into that viscous circle where you don't see the point in trying any more. My Dad's criticism at the time wasn't helping at all, eventually I snapped and told him as matter factly what I was doing and how I was trying. He soon backed down on trying to put me down at every step.

I know it's slightly different from your situation, but the only thing you can do here is talk to your Mum and tell you need her support, not constant criticism.
Last edited by Malchius at Nov 16, 2013,
#9
Quote by Malchius
Get fucked you tool. No one cares what you think. The guy is obviously having a hard time are you think this the thread to carry on like this?


And what have you suggested? I actually put a more a comment to lighten up the atmosphere a bit, and know he's not alone. There's nothing worse than dramatizing depression, it does no good. Considering, the lack of replies hes getting and it's been a while since he made his thread, shows I actually gave a shit. So please contribute, don't just post in this thread to attack me, and say simply say to OP he's having a difficult time, well no shit dude.
#10
Quote by T00DEEPBLUE

+1

I've read that exact book. It's quite good.


Still one of the best after 30 years. It's doing something right.

---

To Rob,

what that book has to say can help convince your mom that her nagging is unhelpful and is really just pouring salt into open wounds.
Last edited by Godsmack_IV at Nov 16, 2013,
#11
Quote by Genrecore
And what have you suggested? I actually put a more a comment to lighten up the atmosphere a bit, and know he's not alone. There's nothing worse than dramatizing depression, it does no good. Considering, the lack of replies hes getting and it's been a while since he made his thread, shows I actually gave a shit. So please contribute, don't just post in this thread to attack me, and say simply say to OP he's having a difficult time, well no shit dude.


Look again. Bit better than your 'help'.
#12
Thanks guys.
But...I don't see the "Shoulds" chapter (I even searched for the word)
Book is by David D. Burns. Did I get the wrong one?

Although chapter 13 and 14 describes me perfectly (at least the title)
#14
It's probably your mom just taking out what she doesn't like about herself on you which in turn makes her feel better about herself while putting you down.
Parents will always do this to their kids, some more so then others and some in ways the person being put down won't even realize it. Every single person has something they don't like about them self or some goal they never completed so they always look to bring people down especially those who they feel are weaker. In my personal experience they're usually jealous or intimidated that the other person is mentally stronger than them or that they will succeed at something so they find a reason to break that person down so that they won't succeed.
I personally have struggled with depression for about 8/9 years and only within the last year have started to move past it. It hasn't been easy and there's no quick fix for it but feel free to PM me and I'll give you some links to websites that have helped me immensely.
#15
Quote by Aether89
It's probably your mom just taking out what she doesn't like about herself on you which in turn makes her feel better about herself while putting you down.


Good point, his mother probably has a struggle of her own.

To Op. Considering, you don't have much access a doctor's help or professional help for now, I suggest you find the good things in life that makes to lighten you up, maybe music? Don't lash out or excommunicate her though, you might get unexpected answers. Her responses, especially when you were sick are quite odd, most people would have at-least have some empathy or stating the blatant such as, "are you ok?" So it is a possibility your mother has a struggle of her own. If you have to confront her, do it in a diplomatic manner. I don't know if what I said is helpful, but at least I have bumped your thread, I'd like to see what other's think, unfortunately it's not a busy day.

To Malchius. I'm done, let's keep our distance. I rather not derail a serious thread and start a flame war again for the lols. Furthermore, let's not make our advice a pissing contest, in which is better.
#16
Quote by Genrecore
Good point, his mother probably has a struggle of her own.

To Op. Considering, you don't have much access a doctor's help or professional help for now, I suggest you find the good things in life that makes to lighten you up, maybe music? Don't lash out or excommunicate her though, you might get unexpected answers. Her responses, especially when you were sick are quite odd, most people would have at-least have some empathy or stating the blatant such as, "are you ok?" So it is a possibility your mother has a struggle of her own. If you have to confront her, do it in a diplomatic manner. I don't know if what I said is helpful, but at least I have bumped your thread, I'd like to see what other's think, unfortunately it's not a busy day.

To Malchius. I'm done, let's keep our distance. I rather not derail a serious thread and start a flame war again for the lols. Furthermore, let's not make our advice a pissing contest, in which is better.


Agreed, I'm all for posting stupid stuff in stupid threads, but this was not the time or place to post what you did, that is why I flew off the handle.
#17
from a psychological perspective (as far as i know, i just read a lot), people with depression typically score high on scales for neuroticism. pretty much in general terms it means having a poor response to stressors. people that are neurotic have a high sensitivity to situations perceived as stressful.

not to say the way you feel because of your mother is a "poor" response necessarily, but that it seems to trigger your abnormally low moods and possibly pain. depression can actually cause significant pain even though there there isn't a physical cause. my mother gets it sometimes.

/uneducated response
Last edited by Dregen at Nov 16, 2013,
#18
Depression is a really hard, tough and serious disease. I never had it but I know some people who have and it can get to the point where you just want to lay in bed, do nothing but never want to be alone because your filled with fear and anxiety.

And I don't want to sound rude or anything, but if that remark from your mom is one of the worst things you can recall than I really think you are exaggerating. Moms criticize you all the time but deep down they love the shit out of you (unless they really mentally/physically abuse you, but than you probably had a far worse story than that, but it could be, I'm not excluding it)

As I always say it: you can't feel the highs without the lows. At the beginning of this year there was broken into my house twice (and they stole both guitars) and it was going really bad with my study. I was devastated and really down, but manage to get it straight and partied my ass out this summer because I deserved it.
Just acknowledge you're down and don't try to rush to being happy but give it a place. If you keep feeling like this for about a year you should go see a doctor...
#19
Quote by Dregen
from a psychological perspective (as far as i know, i just read a lot), people with depression typically score high on scales for neuroticism. pretty much in general terms it means having a poor response to stressors. people that are neurotic have a high sensitivity to situations perceived as stressful.

not to say the way you feel because of your mother is a "poor" response necessarily, but that it seems to trigger your abnormally low moods and possibly pain. depression can actually cause significant pain even though there there isn't a physical cause. my mother gets it sometimes.

/uneducated response



Actually, in my case, there are physical issues....
Spinal cord problems (A cyst and Schmorl's nodes on some discs; Both of which can sometimes, although rarely cause numbness in my extremities) which means I am in pain quite often, Recently sprained left ankle, pulled a muscle in my right elbow recently (lifting anything heavier than 12 - 16 ounces causes pain).

I used to be quite physically active (Although professionally, I worked in various Engineering type jobs most of my life).
I can't really do that anymore
I'm a lazy fuck (I like to try to find the easy way to to hard work), but really, I have never had a problem with doing hard bust my ass manual labor when needed. I actually enjoyed it quite a bit.

Thanks.


Quote by MaXiMuse
...
And I don't want to sound rude or anything, but if that remark from your mom is one of the worst things you can recall than I really think you are exaggerating. ...

No, that's not the worst, just the most recent.
Last edited by CodeMonk at Nov 16, 2013,
#20
Quote by CodeMonk
I like to try to find the easy way to to hard work


isn't that what engineers are supposed to do anyway

sometimes efficiency > hard work
#21
Quote by MaXiMuse
And I don't want to sound rude or anything, but if that remark from your mom is one of the worst things you can recall than I really think you are exaggerating. Moms criticize you all the time but deep down they love the shit out of you (unless they really mentally/physically abuse you, but than you probably had a far worse story than that, but it could be, I'm not excluding it)


A light punch to a broken arm still hurts like hell.
#22
Ya know, except for that 17 years of hell, called marriage (My wife got VERY jealous and I had to choose between pussy and music, a mistake I don't intend to make again), music has been a big part of my life (Hell, it was my major in Uni).
I haven't even picked up my guitar for over 2 months. I've had ZERO inspiration to do so.
Well, last night, in my drunken state, I put on an ad on CL just looking for someone to jam with.
I got 3 replies already.
Reply #1 I think is a no go. Not that he was bad or anything, I just don't think it would be a good fit based on his youtube videos and description in his email.

#2 sounded a bit more interesting :
"I play mostly country, some classic rock. I am looking for someone that can play lead to add some color to my music. I have played at a couple of bars, restaraunts, parties and farmers markets. I play real basic rythem acoustic guitar and sing..... let me know if you are interested..." (I left out his name and youtube page because I don't want to advert it here without his permission).
I watched one of his videos and as far as lead work goes, it SCREAMED SLIDE to me.
So I picked up my guitar, tuned up and went at it.
Only took me about 10 minutes to learn the rhythm part of the song.
Once I had that down, I messed around with some slide playing, and while some of it sucked, some of it sounded pretty cool (to my ears anyway).
Its really not my kind of music, but it sure sounds like it would be hella fun.

#3 : Just this message :
"I play guitar and I'm in Dayton. I've been playing with a drummer that's also in Dayton. We're in our late 50's/early 60's and are looking for other musicians in the area."

#2 lives 60 miles away (Where I live, that's still kind of considered local). Fuel costs may be a major issue here though.

#3 lives about 10 miles away. I emailed them. Have no idea what type of music they play, but I did put Blues/Blues Rock/ and Classic Rock in my CL ad.
I emailed the guy to see about getting together. No response yet though (hell, its only been about 30 minutes ).

Music is my therapy and If I can get together with either of these two, I know I will be feeling way better.