#1
The officer sat
on the chair,

Down cold snow-stretches
of our bitter time,
By double increment,
above, below;
They spun, sewed, cut,
-- till by and by for the opening
of the Centennial Exposition at Philadelphia,

Sidney Lanier was born at Macon, Ga.,
on the third of February, 1842.
Wrecked regiments reel therefrom;
Proves her launched for one sole issue,
armed and engined for the Tall Bush
that burns,
yet keeps its substance green --
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#2
If you are going for a title called spam mail and you don't have a story to tell even if its in form of nigerian price or retired colonel of US army I don't give a shit about it


I've raed this piece about 5 times now and I still don't know what the **** you are talking about. I might be coming across an asshole and yes I admit to be one.

This feels like less of a piece and more of a practice
Hi
Last edited by abhishek21 at Nov 26, 2013,
#3
deal with it BRO.

it's not my problem you can't be assed to derive meaning from something. I don't owe you anything.
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#4
ironic that the title is relevant to the previous crit, eh?

i am going to have to return to this as i am not exactly sure what i make of it yet. it may be that i'm not accustomed to the style or mode, but it feels dense to me. i'll be back.
#5
i may still not be well acquainted enough with this to fully grasp it, but i will say a few things.

i like the focus here. the historic aspects connect well though i had to sort of wiki a few things to get a simple gist of their context. still, i appreciate the intent behind it. as well, the word choice is precise. "our bitter time" and "keeps its substance green" were two phrases that really rang for me. there is definitely a tactfulness in your words. also the alliteration of "wrecked regiments reel" was tight.

that being said, i feel somewhat unnourished after reading this. perhaps this is a fault of my own; maybe i haven't read or reflected or done enough for the poem to hit me, perhaps relating to the historic aspects of which i dont have a thorough understanding. but i do feel like it fails to take me away, or to present a revelation. the technique is certainly there, but maybe it doesnt do as much work towards bearing the art.

which is not to say that this isn't art or that you're being overly technical; rather, i mean that, as a layman, i have a hard time relating to this. and that may not even matter for you, and sometimes it shouldn't, and sometimes it's a fault of the audience. but it is something to consider.
#7
So much win in here.
Just another Sheep in the design of the Almighty Machine.


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