those footsteps come for us




they come to drain us
of our powers
when theirs is low

we see the faces
in the frosted windows

they smile with wicked teeth

some speak
some don't
but they know who we are
and how black our minds are

in night's stillness
they sing
beware the judderman
and effervesce
into the horrible dark
I'm sad to see this has gotten such little attention.

I like the spacing of your tips and taps in the beginning. It gives the onomatopoeia an extra dimension; you can hear the footsteps of somebody who is following closely behind you. They might take a step, then a few quick steps, then one slow one, to keep a certain distance.

You play with themes of speech here that are interesting; the title is all about it and there's the lines "some speak/some don't", but I wish the idea was a little more consistently developed. This could be some seriously weighty stuff, but you're just barely beginning to ask the questions that I think you want to ask in this piece. I'd like to know what these speakers are talking about. Not explicitly as in "___ said ___', but just what exactly is it that makes somebody an antichrist in your definition here? What do they have to say? We could learn a little more about these footsteps that way. And about what makes their evil-ness so particularly evil and undesirable. I think this could have been much longer than it was.

Glad to see you're sticking around here.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Dec 1, 2013,