#1
I don't post here too often - actually, it's been bloody ages. I don't know if I'm looking for help, advice, or (more likely) just a place to vent.

So, my girlfriend is pregnant. Definitely mine, and most certainly unplanned! I'm probably going to be a dad in about six or seven months. We've spent the last week or so, since we found out, talking about it, whether to keep it or not, and decided (although it's not a great time for it), to keep the kid.
I'm 24 and she's 22, so both pretty young for this sort of thing. She lives with her parents at the moment, about thirty odd miles away, which is less than ideal.
Her parents know, and didn't react too badly to the news. My mum has gone ballistic, and by the sound of things so far, doesn't want anything to do with it - which is probably the hardest part right now.

The plan - such as it is - is to find a cheap (ish) house to rent close to where she lives now when my tenancy runs out. Close to her parents, at least, so she has some support when the kid comes. I work offshore, so I'm away half the year or so - again, not ideal!

Luckily, I suppose, she's fairly used to kids, and had a large hand in raising her niece. So, a newborn won't be such a surprise for her. Me? I'm shitting bricks about the whole thing!

So, a bit of a vent, more than anything else. Any advice from parents on here?
Quote by Kensai


Awesome guy right here
#2
It's a shame about your parents' reaction. I hope they come around for you, man!

I'm not familiar with the UK's aid programs. I know that for low income families in the states there are programs available to help with food and bills. Hopefully someone can come along and give some suggestions.

So, what names have you guys got picked out?


inb4 Jaden.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#3
Hey man,

I know from experience that no man is fully ready to become a parent. My wife and I have 2 kids and they are wonderful, but the prospect of it scared the crap out of me. You just learn to be parents. Here are a few things that you have to realize:

Your life is not over. It will be different. You are entering a different stage in your life.
You have to think of the kids' needs first and then your own.
If you get married (or don't), do not argue in front of the kid. You won't always get along or agree on stuff, just be rational and think what is best for the kid.
You won't be able to have all the nice stuff that you want. A new PS4 or XBox One will probably not happen, but when the kid gets a little toy and loves it, that will make you happier than Call of Duty.
You can go out with friends but not often.
Be positive and make sure the kid is healthy.
Use your girlfriends parents as a support network but remember that it is your kid, not hers.
The first 6 months are the hardest (broken sleep sucks) but after that, it gets better.

That's all I can think of right now. Good luck and congrats.
*Guitars:
Fender Aerodyne Bass
Schecter Stiletto Elite Bass
ESP LTD B-155 Bass
Dean Edge 8-String Bass
Ibanez AEB10E Acoustic-Electric Bass
Epiphone Les Paul Custom Midnight Guitar
Last edited by ElCapitan143 at Dec 13, 2013,
#4
I don't consider 24 and 22 to be young for children (at least where I'm from)...it's just a matter of where you are career wise. I'd say just look for work, something secure or better paying even if it's not your field.
#7
How do you know it's yours, and if it's unplanned, why are you now planning to go with it?
#8
OK.

I probably should just say hang in there, or something like that.

But instead I am going to tell you a bit how it went for my wife and I.

We met in 1974 (I was 26, she was 24).
We got married 6 months later and wanted kids - but it took a winding, tortuous path.
Four miscarriages then a stillborn daughter in 1982 - I still miss her (Margaret) big time.

In 1984 we had our daughter, Veronica.
In 1991 we had our son Tommy.

My wife got terminally ill in 1992, and succumbed to the incurable lung disease in 1995.
God I want her back!!!

I had to raise Veronica, and especially Tommy - with the help of a great daycare lady.

Veronica got into drugs, dropped out of high school and still is poor as dirt - with two kids and an ex-felon common law "husband".

Tommy left this planet in 2009 after being addicted to drugs and alcohol during high school.
He was a great friend, bass player and super person.
But the demons inside won.

Why am I telling you this?
Because I would do it all again.
Nothing beats being a dad.
#9
Quote by dkcol
Because I would do it all again.
Nothing beats being a dad.


Shivers man..


Congrats TS!

My mum recently told me that she thought I was ready to be a dad which i consider to be pretty much the coolest thing anyone has ever said to me

But yeah.. Godspeed man!
give it your best shot!

EDIT: i just read the part about your mom.. now i feel like a dick. sry man!
maybe she's just a bit shocked right now?.. I hope you can sort things out!
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Last edited by CrazyMatt at Dec 13, 2013,
#10
Best of luck to you brother, although it wasn't planned I'm happy for your girlfriend and you.

Hearing about your mom makes me pretty angry though. Hope she comes around
My God, it's full of stars!
#11
awh! the pit can be so sweet sometimes, it makes my hearts melt
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TSHM.
#13
i actually very recently had my first friend get pregnant and have a kid. i'm only 20yo, so while there's the occasional acquaintance who's engaged or married, everyone's still a bit young for kids.

but then a friend of mine was the first, and it made me think about that shit for the first time. he also taught me a few valuable lessons.

when you have a child, you need to live within your means way more than you did before. you should either start saving now or start buying some necessities for the baby. you say you want to find a cheap house.. make sure it's not in the worst neighborhood.

if you're away half the year, unless your job is your passion and you make a lot of money from it, you should find another one. don't quit right away, but you shouldn't leave your girl alone to deal with pregnancy and raise a child. if you're going to be away, you may as well leave her to live with her parents. trust me, no matter what she tells you initially, there will be a ****ton of built up resentment for that and it's not worth it.

plus, won't you want to be there for your child?
#14
I really wish you the best of luck, dude. This could well be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
Quote by dkcol
OK.

I probably should just say hang in there, or something like that.

But instead I am going to tell you a bit how it went for my wife and I.

We met in 1974 (I was 26, she was 24).
We got married 6 months later and wanted kids - but it took a winding, tortuous path.
Four miscarriages then a stillborn daughter in 1982 - I still miss her (Margaret) big time.

In 1984 we had our daughter, Veronica.
In 1991 we had our son Tommy.

My wife got terminally ill in 1992, and succumbed to the incurable lung disease in 1995.
God I want her back!!!

I had to raise Veronica, and especially Tommy - with the help of a great daycare lady.

Veronica got into drugs, dropped out of high school and still is poor as dirt - with two kids and an ex-felon common law "husband".

Tommy left this planet in 2009 after being addicted to drugs and alcohol during high school.
He was a great friend, bass player and super person.
But the demons inside won.

Why am I telling you this?
Because I would do it all again.
Nothing beats being a dad.

That's a beautiful story. You are a wonderful person to take pride in your kids, even if they have got themselves into terrible trouble over the years.
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I also have to do that. Cottaging this weekend
Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Dec 13, 2013,
#15
Quote by dkcol
OK.

I probably should just say hang in there, or something like that.

But instead I am going to tell you a bit how it went for my wife and I.

We met in 1974 (I was 26, she was 24).
We got married 6 months later and wanted kids - but it took a winding, tortuous path.
Four miscarriages then a stillborn daughter in 1982 - I still miss her (Margaret) big time.

In 1984 we had our daughter, Veronica.
In 1991 we had our son Tommy.

My wife got terminally ill in 1992, and succumbed to the incurable lung disease in 1995.
God I want her back!!!

I had to raise Veronica, and especially Tommy - with the help of a great daycare lady.

Veronica got into drugs, dropped out of high school and still is poor as dirt - with two kids and an ex-felon common law "husband".

Tommy left this planet in 2009 after being addicted to drugs and alcohol during high school.
He was a great friend, bass player and super person.
But the demons inside won.

Why am I telling you this?
Because I would do it all again.
Nothing beats being a dad


Goddamn.
#16
good luck and congratulations, man

i hope it all works out for you and you, and your family, have amazing lives
ayy lmao
#17
Wow, thanks guys! I don't remember the Pit being this friendly... (What the hell happened? Slackers...!)

Seriously though, thanks for the support. Amazing what strangers on the internet can do!

As for my Mum - she's worried that we're too young/not ready, and I don't think she's prepared to be a grandmother just yet. Plus, she doesn't like my other half. Hopefully, she'll come around in time.

As for my work - that was something that we talked about a lot. I tend to work two weeks on a rig, then get two weeks off. I love my job, and we agreed that is was better for me to be able to spend two weeks at a time with my family, with no work or anything, than it would be for me to be doing a job I don't like and coming home tired and bad tempered at the end of each day. The only downside, is I already know I'll miss some big things doing that.

(Unplanned - we were planning on starting a family, just not yet. We wanted to wait a while (truth be told, we've not been together that long really), and we wanted to be living together first, that sort of thing. And, we were using birth control, looks like something didn't quite work).

Lastly -

Quote by dkcol
OK.

I probably should just say hang in there, or something like that.

But instead I am going to tell you a bit how it went for my wife and I.

We met in 1974 (I was 26, she was 24).
We got married 6 months later and wanted kids - but it took a winding, tortuous path.
Four miscarriages then a stillborn daughter in 1982 - I still miss her (Margaret) big time.

In 1984 we had our daughter, Veronica.
In 1991 we had our son Tommy.

My wife got terminally ill in 1992, and succumbed to the incurable lung disease in 1995.
God I want her back!!!

I had to raise Veronica, and especially Tommy - with the help of a great daycare lady.

Veronica got into drugs, dropped out of high school and still is poor as dirt - with two kids and an ex-felon common law "husband".

Tommy left this planet in 2009 after being addicted to drugs and alcohol during high school.
He was a great friend, bass player and super person.
But the demons inside won.

Why am I telling you this?
Because I would do it all again.
Nothing beats being a dad.


Jesus man, I'm sorry. Thank you for sharing.
Quote by Kensai


Awesome guy right here
#18
just a head's up.. you can't sue a birth control company for failed contraceptives UNLESS they claim to be 100% effective. i've never encountered a company that made that claim, but i'm no expert.

so on the off chance the birth control company advertises 100% effectiveness (unlikely), it's something to look into
#19
Quote by progdude93
just a head's up.. you can't sue a birth control company for failed contraceptives UNLESS they claim to be 100% effective. i've never encountered a company that made that claim, but i'm no expert.

so on the off chance the birth control company advertises 100% effectiveness (unlikely), it's something to look into

Nah, not something that ever crossed my mind. I cannot abide the compensation culture, and shall not add to it.
Quote by Kensai


Awesome guy right here
#21
Quote by Joeval
Nah, not something that ever crossed my mind. I cannot abide the compensation culture, and shall not add to it.


lol wtf are you talking about? if a product FAILS and violates its claims, you have EVERY right.

compensation culture is when you slip on ice and tweak your elbow and sue. compensation culture is when you let your baby play with lego and he eats one and dies and you sue. compensation culture is when you sue mcdonald's for being fat.

compensation culture is NOT when a company's product does not fulfill its claims and promises and results in a highly expensive outcome for you.
#22
^ He's already made his stance clear. Why are you pushing the topic?

dkcol, I shared your story with my wife.
My God, it's full of stars!
#23
i really don't care if he sues or not like i said, he probably has no grounds. i'm simply pointing out that it's not part of compensation culture, which is a very specific subset of entitled assholes