#1
Yo. Started this one back in... Well, I don't remember. It doesn't matter anyways, does it?! This one is somehow more yet less experimental than my other pieces. I dunno what that means, but there you have it. If I were forced to name an influence, I'd have to say Planet X. Dunno if I ever consciously thought of them while writing this, but as I look back on it now, the Planet X influence is pretty apparent. I'm sorry for the way I labelled the sections, it might be a little confusing.

Well. Enjoy, I suppose. Also, c4c
Attachments:
Ouroboros.zip
#2
Well, that was rather impressive. I actually have very little to critique. The only negative thing I can say is that chromatic piano transition is bad. Which is less than 10 bars out of 651. So mathematically speaking:

Your Score >= (651 - 10)/651 ~= 98.46%

Now I feel bad because I haven't got much to say. Maybe a Fretless solo near the end. Nearly every instrument had a chance to shine but that one. Some piano solos too! You don't need to extend the piece (the length is just right) but just add some on top. Right at the end will do fine.

I'll have another listen later and see if I can come up with something.

So you have two Spirals and an Ouroboros, am I noticing a trend with things that are eternal or something? Once you've completed a few more pieces you should record them so we can all bask in their magnificent glory.
#3
Quote by HaydenHohns


So you have two Spirals and an Ouroboros, am I noticing a trend with things that are eternal or something? Once you've completed a few more pieces you should record them so we can all bask in their magnificent glory.



ROFL, I bet the next ones are Mobius Strip, Samsara or something.

But yeah, I think you showed us this before and we liked it, and its pretty much the same bit with added awesome bits.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#4
Yeah I remember this from somewhere, did you share it on the skype thread thing?

Also I think RedDeath doesn't want to record this because it would severely handicap his life: kinda hard to go get some groceries or something when everyone in the world will want to have sex with your body.
#5
@EpiExplorer: I was actually thinking of fractals but the Mobius Strip also has interesting topological properties.

@Ometh: Of course, what was I thinking.

Now back to the actual song itself.

It would be nice to see the intro staccato Piano riff developed a little more. Since the staccato is equal to half the note plus the remaining rest, you could always make the riff "double time" and no longer have the staccato accents. I would also like to hear D be extended. It's the only glitch section in the entire piece. It would be cool if it reappeared later in the piece but you could superimpose the staccato Piano riff on top from A.

Just an idea.
#6
Quote by HaydenHohns
Well, that was rather impressive. I actually have very little to critique. The only negative thing I can say is that chromatic piano transition is bad. Which is less than 10 bars out of 651. So mathematically speaking:

Your Score >= (651 - 10)/651 ~= 98.46%

Now I feel bad because I haven't got much to say. Maybe a Fretless solo near the end. Nearly every instrument had a chance to shine but that one. Some piano solos too! You don't need to extend the piece (the length is just right) but just add some on top. Right at the end will do fine.

I'll have another listen later and see if I can come up with something.

So you have two Spirals and an Ouroboros, am I noticing a trend with things that are eternal or something? Once you've completed a few more pieces you should record them so we can all bask in their magnificent glory.


Hm, thanks! I was a bit unsure about the chromatic piano transition too, but I think I'll leave it as it is. Mostly out of laziness, but to me, it's not so bad that it actually requires a change. It is... acceptable.

Hmm, fretless bass solo... Interesting idea. I could try it over the F5 progression (which I'd probably extend in that case). Doing it over H3 would be difficult as hell.

Yeah, I guess I have a thing for anything related to the concept of infinity, eternity, recurrence, etc. It might just be why I'm a big fan of math (or maybe it's the other way around?) I have an older song named Circles, as well But, of everything I've written, Ouroboros probably best represents recurrence and cyclicality. Also, the climax of the Spirals series (which hasn't come out) also has a cyclical vibe to it.

I do plan on recording all of these someday, with the help of a friend.

Quote by Ometh
Yeah I remember this from somewhere, did you share it on the skype thread thing?


Yea, I shared it in skype.

Also I think RedDeath doesn't want to record this because it would severely handicap his life: kinda hard to go get some groceries or something when everyone in the world will want to have sex with your body.


Just my body? Not even my personality?

Quote by HaydenHohns
It would be nice to see the intro staccato Piano riff developed a little more. Since the staccato is equal to half the note plus the remaining rest, you could always make the riff "double time" and no longer have the staccato accents. I would also like to hear D be extended. It's the only glitch section in the entire piece. It would be cool if it reappeared later in the piece but you could superimpose the staccato Piano riff on top from A.

Just an idea.


The intro staccato piano riff? Do you mean the stuff between 19-22, 27-30, or do you mean A2, at 98? If you're talking about A2 and A3, maybe I could use glitch drums in... either A2 or A3. I'm thinking, if I were to do it, I'd use glitch drums in A2 (or at least part of it), and then return to regular drums for A3.
#7
quintuplets? lol man, so much prog!

seriously though, cool as shit man, some dream theater-type stuff. ill agree with hayden, the chromatic transition is kind of a buzz kill

also, that first riff during A4 (the drum solo) is a little wild for my tastes, but thats just me

the "black metal" part is pretty cool, just starts off a little choppy

solo 2 kicked ass

all in all, it was awesome man. just a little bit too repetitive for me
#9
@RedDeath9: F5 would be a good place to do it IMO.

How much maths do you like? What maths do you like? I'm actually studying a dual degree in Science and Engineering majoring in Mathematics and Electrical Engineering.

Let me know (via PM) if I can help with the recording process or give feedback on mixes/tones/etc. I have a fair bit of experience myself.

Well it all began at 19-22 and they're all variations so it's all good. Maybe try some more subtle and quiet electronic stuff in the beginning and then a little harder/heavier at A2 and return to an acoustic kit at A3 like you said. Just an idea anyway. You could also try superimposing and extending the current glitch section with the staccato piano riff.
#11
Quote by HaydenHohns
@RedDeath9: F5 would be a good place to do it IMO.

How much maths do you like? What maths do you like? I'm actually studying a dual degree in Science and Engineering majoring in Mathematics and Electrical Engineering.

Let me know (via PM) if I can help with the recording process or give feedback on mixes/tones/etc. I have a fair bit of experience myself.

Well it all began at 19-22 and they're all variations so it's all good. Maybe try some more subtle and quiet electronic stuff in the beginning and then a little harder/heavier at A2 and return to an acoustic kit at A3 like you said. Just an idea anyway. You could also try superimposing and extending the current glitch section with the staccato piano riff.


Well, I'm actually a Pharmacy major, but I've always been a fan of math. Unfortunately my studies of it have been sorta limited. I've taken up to multivariable calculus, and I also did a random math proofs course (stuff like... induction, and all those other methods of proofs, set theory, field theory, some other stuff I can't remember). Your degree sounds sick. Also, like a lot of work. I always wonder how I would've fared getting into more abstract math and physics.

And sure, I'll let you know.

Quote by Ometh


Aw Fuck UG!

Quote by Drapte
Wow, what an amazing track.


Thanks!
Last edited by RedDeath9 at Jan 5, 2014,
#12
Wow, this was great. Very Planet X/Sherinian. You even coloured the tracks in the colours that remind me of them!

I like what the Rhodes plays in section I, as well as the off-beat crash. The bendy notes at H3 were cool.

I do feel it's a bit too long/repetitive. Maybe some of the middle sections could be abridged.

There isn't a breakdown or chug in sight, well done
Last edited by BigOneEye at Jan 5, 2014,
#13
Good to hear something new from you, Red .
I'll give you a section by section critique.

I wasn't expecting the coloration at the begging, at first it surprised me so I listened to it again. It's got a very unique tonal feel to it, I really do like it. I'm such a sucker for beautiful fretless bass lines too .

The piano flourishes are really cool too.

The switch to part B works but I feel like you might be able to transition and smooth it out a little better, even if you decide not to it sounds good, I just feel it could be even more seamless.

I love part C/D so much <3. I do think the bass line from 58 - 60 could transition a bit better again by adding a coloration to it (like there was in the previous measures).

In part E I find either the tone or the volume of the piano line makes it drown out of the mix a bit too much, the section is nice though.

When part A2 hits I start to understand the structural concept of the piece and I'm excited to see how you modify and build upon the themes you've already presented.

I'm not so sure about part F personally, feels slightly too abstract progression wise. Not bad in any way, just a bit meandering? I appreciate the counter pulse on the ride cymbal though and the thought process behind it.

Part G is rhythmically strange, in a rather good way though. Different and pleasing to the ear.

Part F2, like the one before, I appreciate the rhythmic idea, the progression is a bit too abstract for my taste.

Part D2 is pretty cool, weird again, but interesting in its experimentation.

I like E2, much more grounded in its progression, nice colors and everything syncs well together.

****ing badass solo I love it. It's rare that I say that too I'm really digging the phrasing, the colorations, and it really adds to the piece I find.

By the time F3 comes around it seems the progression and its flow has finally set in my mind and I'm able to appreciate it better. At this point I'd say, as an experimental motif, progression wise and rhythm wise, it does definitely work, it takes a while for the listener to properly assimilate it though. Seems like the type of piece that would grow on you with time, for sure.

I'm not a huge fan of the drum solo. I like how it accentuates the three punches at first, but then it loses some coherency for me. I'm honestly not a fan of drum solos in general though so take it with a grain of salt. I do like measure 321-322 a fair deal though.

F4, and I all flow very well, nice progression. Sounds pretty good.

I gotta say that guitar distortion line is pure cheese though :P.

Measure 394 is bomb.

I like J2 a lot, but I don't really like the black metal section (H2), in big part because of the way you mixed the volume I can basically hear a snare blasting my ears and can hardly discern what else is even going on :P. The drums are realllllly loud in that part.

The transition at K could be better while retaining that stuttering feel you implemented with the triplets. You did some earlier in the piece which were strange but really pleasing, this one really stumbles into the next section it seems.

The next sections are all fine and well until the solo. They work and they're pleasant enough to listen to.

I like bar 556, and 562 to the end of the solo, the rest I find rather dull.

In F5 I like bar 574 to 577, the colors that the chords add there are really pretty and I like it, but what comes before it (on the same track, the third track/rhodes piano which is for some reason called track 8 ) really doesnt seem to play nice with the chords underneath it.

I like all of H3. That motif I just said doesn't play nice with the chords underneath works really well as an outro though, it seems ;P.

Overall as an experimental piece that has a lot of very unique chord shapes, progressions, and rhythmic interplay, I love the fact you tried hard to make something unique and it really stands out as something I couldn't really compare to many other bands. That being said while there's absolutely nothing I could point out in here that's really bad, I think there's a lot that could be fine tuned further (which I understand is a massive task in a piece like this).

My favorite part by far is part D and the first guitar solo, great stuff.

The main arpeggiated pattern is repeated a whole lot throughout also, might be something to consider.

I'm sorry if I seem overly harsh, I just prefer being thorough in case it helps you alter or improve some things in your piece, if you decide to do so one day. Great effort and I appreciate the fact that it definitely has a unique character and identity. The little details can always be worked out and polished, but the basis of genius is already there, and that's the most important part. =D.


If you're interested, here's a piece of mine for c4c. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1629733
Last edited by JazzDeath at Jan 14, 2014,
#14
<333

you don't need critiques, one of the first things I did upon logging in today was stalking your threads to find if you've been writing, because I whatever it is, I'm going to want to listen. And I definitely hear the Planet X influence, especially in the earlier stages of the song. Funny because I haven't listened to them in years.

If anything I'm a little perplexed at those quintuplets in 7/8 bars but honestly don't even call it criticism, I've just never heard that before. The chromatic piano in F is just fine by me, nothing wrong with some abstraction in the right dose.

Oh you even brought back the quartertone overdub in H3, too good.

damn I missed this shit.
#17
Are you going to record any of this stuff and release it? You might as well, you could be earning some cash out of your tracks and they would sound great in the studio.
0
1
#18
its definitely wacky and proggy as hell. its hard for me to give specific input since ive never really heard anything like this before, but i will say that the layering of the overdrive and clean guitar during the first solo sounded cool as hell

can you actually play all of this on guitar? because if you can, thats impressive as hell
#19
Quote by Drapte
Are you going to record any of this stuff and release it? You might as well, you could be earning some cash out of your tracks and they would sound great in the studio.


Yeah, I plan to, but I don't really have time for it. I'm pretty busy with school and other stuff a lot of the time. I'm also pretty bad at guitar at the moment.

Quote by pAWNlol
its definitely wacky and proggy as hell. its hard for me to give specific input since ive never really heard anything like this before, but i will say that the layering of the overdrive and clean guitar during the first solo sounded cool as hell

can you actually play all of this on guitar? because if you can, thats impressive as hell


You've already critted this Anyways, I can play some of it. I haven't actually practiced it, and the only riff I actually wrote on guitar was A4. Solo 1 seems pretty damn difficult, with all the taps and bends. Solo 2 sounds a bit easier, and I could probably play that with some practice (although 561-565 seems really hard). I just tried the second part of F3, and I can apparently play that. Stuff like F5 seems really hard, the chord changes are pretty quick. But I can almost play H3. E2 seems unnecessarily hard, I might just end up changing that

I'm really out of practice. Like, extremely out of practice. On average, since starting uni 4-5 years ago, I've probably played like once a week. I've just been focusing so much on writing, and I don't know if that's going to change anytime soon. If I ever get a chance to record this stuff though, I'll definitely start practicing more.
#20
RD9,
Listening to Nostalgia Mirage: kind of somber, kind of interesting. I liked your other song I reviewed recently better. Might work well for video game music.
#21
Quote by RedDeath9

You've already critted this Anyways, I can play some of it. I haven't actually practiced it, and the only riff I actually wrote on guitar was A4. Solo 1 seems pretty damn difficult, with all the taps and bends. Solo 2 sounds a bit easier, and I could probably play that with some practice (although 561-565 seems really hard). I just tried the second part of F3, and I can apparently play that. Stuff like F5 seems really hard, the chord changes are pretty quick. But I can almost play H3. E2 seems unnecessarily hard, I might just end up changing that

I'm really out of practice. Like, extremely out of practice. On average, since starting uni 4-5 years ago, I've probably played like once a week. I've just been focusing so much on writing, and I don't know if that's going to change anytime soon. If I ever get a chance to record this stuff though, I'll definitely start practicing more.

yeah, i just noticed that i already commented on this. it was a while ago, and i had completely forgotten it. but i asked that because a lot of people write just on tabs, and often cant play their own material at all, which has always personally bugged me
Last edited by pAWNlol at Sep 16, 2014,
#22
This is just stupidly good. I adore the jazzy nature of it very much. It just blows me away, really. Not one critique to make. The drum track killed me with the quintuplets. I just have to go listen to more of your stuff now.
#23
Quote by pAWNlol
yeah, i just noticed that i already commented on this. it was a while ago, and i had completely forgotten it. but i asked that because a lot of people write just on tabs, and often cant play their own material at all, which has always personally bugged me


Yeah, but you have to consider that a lot of people just write for fun.

and thanks, million! I'll go check out some of your stuff.
Last edited by RedDeath9 at Sep 20, 2014,
#24
Quote by RedDeath9
Yeah, but you have to consider that a lot of people just write for fun.

and thanks, million! I'll go check out some of your stuff.

i appreciate that man, but i havent uploaded anything in a while lol. not having my electric here with me in my dorm has quite hindered my main writing
#25
Hell naw, I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Million Dead. And I already gave you a C4C on your Ode to Epi song But apparently it's done now... I'll check it out.
#27
btw jazzdeath, thanks for the huge crit. i didn't really mention it earlier, but i appreciated it. i've taken a lot of what you said into account, and although i probably won't be updating this song any time soon, i'm currently working on Spirals pt. 3+4 and really trying to make it "polished." Hm... I think what my problem was with this song is that it was toooo experimental, and it was ambitious enough for me to forget some of the "basics" of songwriting. I'm hoping to fix some of that with the new stuff I'm working on.

edit: your crit on Forming a New Earth was also quite helpful, and probably played just as big a role in my new attempts at making passable music.
Last edited by RedDeath9 at Apr 29, 2015,
#28
this is so ****ing cool man how do i find yor other GP music (I already followed u on soundcloud)?
i see your girl
G A Y
she leavin wit me

F O R
I'm playing wit her booty
in the back seat
M A D D E N
#29
Quote by imspazzen
this is so ****ing cool man how do i find yor other GP music (I already followed u on soundcloud)?


thanks you can go to my profile and click "All Threads by RedDeath9," you'll be able to find all my stuff there.