#1
Cars lined up as far as you can see
all hoping to catch a glimpse of the legacy.
Old glory flying high in the sky,
and his sweet mama say why god why?
His father saying too young,
as he walks by with his head hung.

You can’t weaken the devil’s disease,
unless you hit your knees.
We only get so much livin’,
‘fore we return what we’re given.
My ole pal used every minute,
until he reached his limit.

In a circle we stand around,
as they lower him in the ground.
I see tears from a hundred eyes,
all saying their silent goodbyes.
As the casket slowly starts to fall,
I toss a bottle cap on top of it all.

With the angels he’ll dwell,
I know he’s up there raising hell.
He would say shed no tears,
it was a great twenty years.
Guess that’s the best way to go,
when you’re a small town hero.


Here's a possible addition I wrote that goes right before the last stanza. I feel like it pushes it too far into mainstream country sounding, tell me what you think thouh
All I can think of is the good times;,
cheap tequila with limes.
Miles and miles of backroading,
and that 350 finally exploding.
But the fun came to end,
just like I will too friend.


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This is a quick poem I wrote, but I may make it a song one day. Tell me what you think!
Last edited by NattyDaddy at Jan 2, 2014,
#2
Strict rhyming is one of my personal pet peeves. I find it holds you back from what you really wanted to say. This piece is fine (I vote to leave the extra stanza out), but next time you write, consider using a "looser" rhyme scheme, or just no rhyme.
#3
Thanks, and I think you raise a good point. Back in my high school my creative writing teacher was adamant about making sure your rhyme every line. It appears that old habits die hard. I'm actually thinking this might work as a song if these words were used as a spoken word poem with a sang chorus between the stanzas.