#1
Hey guys, this is my first post, and I'd really appreciate it if you give me some feedback. Good or bad, both are encouraged.
Sacrifice is a song I wrote a while ago, and I haven't really gotten any feedback on it on the other websites I post on... So don't be shy! Thanks! ~Kenzie Xx


Abandoned on my own,
this life is so hard.
It's burnin' hallowed ground,
I'm standin' on.
There's no one out there that'll help me,
I know that.
It's the life of a sacrifice.

Why can't they see,
I'm human like themselves.
I'm not a machine,
And try and try,
As I might,
The roads just getting longer.

It's a fight,
It's a climb,
But it's a risk I have to take!
Got to break out,
Got to break these chains,
Can't stay imprisoned on this piece of grave.
Got to live,
Got to breathe,
This quest is taking over me!
What you know is what you are,
And I'm the sacrifice!

They left me here for dead,
All because of a lie.
Why can't they see,
That the Fated's not me?
Why can't they hear,
My cries for help?
Why can't they feel,
My heart beat?!

Why can't they see,
I'm human like themselves.
I'm not a machine,
And try and try,
As I might,
The roads just getting longer!

It's a fight,
It's a climb,
But it's a risk I have to take!
Got to break out,
Got to break these chains,
Can't stay imprisoned on this piece of grave.
Got to live,
Got to breathe,
This quest is taking over me!
What you know is what you are,
And I'm the sacrifice!

Yeah!
And if I wait,
I'll surely break!
Breathe light into me,
And I'll take your hand!

It's a fight,
It's a climb,
But it's a risk I have to take!
Got to break out,
Got to break these chains,
Can't stay imprisoned on this piece of grave.
Got to live,
Got to breathe,
This quest is taking over me!
What you know is what you are,
And I'm the sacrifice!

It's a fight,
It's a climb,
But it's a risk I have to take!
Got to break out,
Got to break these chains,
Can't stay imprisoned on this piece of grave.
Got to live,
Got to breathe,
This quest is taking over me!
What you know is what you are,
And I'm the sacrifice!

I'm the sacrifice,
I'm the sacrifice,
I'm the sacrifice...
#2
I can definitely see that if this was sung in a specific genre or two that it could have impact. You go far enough with so many of the stanzas being about 'your fight' specifically. However, there's not enough character in what you're against, if you will. There's just this invisible force making things hard, and as a result it's hard to relate with the struggle you're trying to put across. Give us a villain in this one to root against and your survivor's voice will be stronger.


I would also edit this down to be like 4 stanzas at the most. Otherwise it gets a bit redundant.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#3
I really liked it!

Maybe it may sound great matched with some Judas Priest-like musical structure!
I hope you record it one day, so you can share exactly how it is supposed to sound!