#1
http://www.phillymag.com/news/2014/01/11/norristowns-swiss-cheese-pervert/

On Friday afternoon, I broke the news that Philadelphia Police were looking for the so-called Swiss Cheese Pervert, a guy who is allegedly driving around with his pants down, soliciting women with his penis and a piece of Swiss cheese.

In 2006, [Chris] Pagano was arrested in Norristown and charged with soliciting a prostitute and disorderly conduct. He pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, and the solicitation charge was dismissed. In 2009, Pagano was arrested again in Norristown and charged with soliciting a prostitute and disorderly conduct. And, again, he pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, and the solicitation charge was — yep, you guessed it — dismissed. No word on whether cheese was involved in those incidents.

Twenty-year-old Gabby Chest of Bridesburg says that Pagano sent her a message on dating website OkCupid last year. She says that the man in my doorstep photo and in the profile photo on the Chris Pagano Facebook page is the same man who sent her the message. “It’s the same man,” she says. “He had the exact same photo on OkCupid,” referring to the Facebook profile photo seen above.

Here is the message that Chest says Pagano sent her via OkCupid:

"Hello, my name is Chris. I am sure you are seeking a relationship, and I am sort of seeking the same, well sort of. You see I am currently content with my life. I enjoy meeting new people and making friends, but I also enjoy looking for women who are just looking for fun, opportunities, and or sex. I am kind of hoping you may be one of those women, who are open to certain activities of a suggestive nature. I realize talking and or requesting anything sexual with a someone you don’t know can be a turn off for most, but would you be interested in getting to know me, and perhaps being involved in a sexual encounter together?

I know it’s a bit much to take in, since you really don’t know me. Still I am open to get to know you at first before anything would happen. I want to be up-front with you and tell you what exactly I am looking for. This way you have an idea of what I am into. You see it’s not sex in the traditional sense, it’s more a fetish. Don’t get me wrong I do enjoy traditional sex, but I grown to prefer this more. This fetish is a Sitophilia type fetish. I will give you a short explanation that lead me to discover why I like this type of fetish.

You see, when I was young and even now I seemed to be judged on my looks and not on my personality. So finding women and starting relationships was harder for me then most. Couple that with a strong sex drive, and you get the picture. So I developed this fetish to help me deal with my sexual urges. I found that women tend to like dairy products, and settled on cheese to represent the girl. thus I started having sex with cheese. I like to use Swiss cheese and would wrap slices of the cheese around penis, then masturbate. Now tho, after finding several girls to do it for me, I prefer having girls do it for me, instead of myself. Still I suppose I was lucky in finding those women, and our relationships did not last long, since our relationship based more on my fetish and me helping them out money wise. When they became comfortable again, we stayed friends, but they seemed to move on with their lives or I moved on because of the drama that sometimes followed some of them. The other problem I encounter is that women tend to be more freaked out over my fetish, then they would be over other questionable activities that are far more disgusting then mine. I don’t understand why using cheese in the way I use it is so disturbing to women, the ones who have done my fetish for me say it’s quite vanilla compared to so things they have encountered, and say I am quite harmless given my kind personality.

So my request is, is there any way you would be willing to strike up an arraignment with me to do my fetish for me, if of course you would be open to this sort of activity?

Lastly if I have offended you, I am sorry as it was not my intention to do so. I just hope my fetish with cheese does not disturb you in any way, sorry if it has. Also when I mention arrangement, please don’t think it just has to be money either, I know you are not a prostitute, in fact I don’t want women like that at all. It can be anything you feel is a fair trade. Please if you could please let me know if you might be interested or not, and what you think of my request, I would appreciate it, thanks."


So there it is, you have the evidence. Is WCPhils the culprit? Is it Jako215? What about daytripper75? I am calling for a site-wide investigation. We will get to the bottom of this.
#2
****ing cheese is gay.
[img]http://i.imgur.com/LYZyCdp.gif[/img]


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#3
Woah.

It's definitely Phils. Dude, get your game going.

Also, this reminded me of the scene in Pink Flamingos when the guy goes around exposing himself with pieces of meat tied to his junk.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#5
So I guess you could say he got cheesed off.
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If KFC is finger-licking good, then people would probably suck dicks for Popeyes. That's how good it is.


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#6
Quote by Joshua Garcia
So I guess you could say he got cheesed off.


To put it mildly.....yes
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




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#9
I live like an hour from Norristown, and closer to two hours from Philly, so you can rule me out.
#12
I'll do it for the cheese
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

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#14
Stop taking credit for my work
Quote by joshua garcia
I was incredibly drunk and only really remember writing a fanfic where ESP was getting porked by a pony.

Quote by guitar0player
I'd honestly fap to anything with a set of genitals as long as I find it aesthetically appealing.