To me it sounds a bit rushed.

Speed is a by-product of accuracy Start off very slowly so that every note is clear and defined, and gradually up the tempo. It'll get frustrating, but you'll actually nail it cleanly a lot faster than if you try to go a million notes a second right off the bat.

Learning the theory behind what your doing really helps in a creative sense as well.

Keep shreddin' bro! \m/
Ibanez TSA30 < Boss OS-2 < Custom Frankenstein Strat w/ scalloped board and Epi LP pickup
Do it 3 times slower for a month, then trying playing a little bit faster