#1
Room of windows over looking a see of light,
your eyes are glistening with our love so bright.

Sound we have lost, our bodies align.
We know the cost, stopping all of time.

An aura is around your hold and embrace,
absolute love is all I see in your face.

Now for my entire life,
Wanting you to be my wife.

What do I do,
now without you.

So much time has past,
but my love will last.

My heart aches without our constant song,
hurting everyday I wont last long.

Nothing in my sight but a path alone,
without you I will never have a home.

Sinking lower into abyss,
a life with you is all I miss.

This void in my chest is something I can feel,
everything I did I cant imagine real.

Through my existence, everything will be stained with my crime.
Lacking resistance, sitting alone knowing this is mine.

Red pout lips, constant changing eyes illuminating all you see.
Our first kiss, a moment setting all these emotions running free.

Those lips I felt every day on her,
are no longer mine but some others.

Years we shared in our hands,
so much time my love still stands.

Constant dreams of you holding me now,
wanting to speak with you I don't know how.

Why does it feel like you are dead,
every memory is abstract and bleeding in my head.
Last edited by breebobass at Jan 20, 2014,
#3
Quote by breebobass
Room of windows over looking a see of light,
your eyes are glistening with our love so bright.

Sound we have lost, our bodies align.
We know the cost, stopping all of time.

An aura is around your hold and embrace,
absolute love is all I see in your face.
These 2 parts I really liked, it doesn't seem forced, and it's pretty original, which doesn't make it so cheesy

Now for my entire life,
Wanting you to be my wife.

What do I do,
now without you.

So much time has past,
but my love will last.
This is where it does become rather common and cheesy for me, which isn't a bad thing, mind you, but it always seems to be like someone is just taking the easy way out. I've been there too

My heart aches without our constant song,
hurting everyday I wont last long.

Nothing in my sight but a path alone,
without you I will never have a home.

Sinking lower into abyss,
a life with you is all I miss.

This void in my chest is something I can feel,
everything I did I cant imagine real.

Through my existence, everything will be stained with my crime.
Lacking resistance, sitting alone knowing this is mine.

Red pout lips, constant changing eyes illuminating all you see.
Our first kiss, a moment setting all these emotions running free.

Those lips I felt every day on her,
are no longer mine but some others.

Years we shared in our hands,
so much time my love still stands.

Constant dreams of you holding me now,
wanting to speak with you I don't know how.

Why does it feel like you are dead,
every memory is abstract and bleeding in my head.

Overall, I liked this, but I feel like there could've been some parts either left out or replaced. Either way, good job and thanks for the nice read.


I've made some comments in the quote
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