#1
The most insulting song I have ever written!!!





I got tired of headin' to the bar time after time

and trying' to get women with standard pick-up lines.

I'd complement their eyes I'd complement their hair

but every compliment I gave didn't get me anywhere



So I devised myself a method of my own strategy

I'd get a lot more woman using reverse psychology

So after I get done with work and head to the bar today

I'll walk up to that pretty chick and here's just what I'll say!

Chorus:

Are you really just that fat or am I seeing double from the wine

and ugly, one of my new years resolutions wasn't going blind

did I see you at the free clinic cause you got a god awful cough

and see them warts on your face here's a rat to chew them off



I was sitting at the bar not drinking a lot

it had only been 10 minutes and I was only on my 5th shot.

But this pretty girl sat next to me and I played it nice and cool

and I said what perfume have you got on cause you smell just like a mule.



Then she walked away and started moving on

and I really had to piss so I headed for the john

as I was walking by a pretty girl winked at me and I got red

But I replied you make wanna puke good thing I'm going to the head



As I left the john I though I'd pass her by

the first time didn't work but I'll give number two a try

As I walked up to her she hit me in the head

But I stood up proud and tall and here's exactly what I said.



Chorus:

Girl you hit just like woman did you learn it from your dad?

and If your twice as good as your mother you'd be the worst I've ever had

and are you really fatter than the first one? or is it just your clothes?

and I don't care for fungus ridden feet so next time don't wear shoes with open toes



She got tired of me and called out her to friend

which would have been ok if she wasn't a 400 pound lesbian.

she you an me we're leaving honey, getting out of here

and she drug me through back door and pulled me by my hair.

She took me out back grabbed me by my arm

The first three times didn't work but number four's the charm

She hit me in the head and gave me three black eyes

but I just looked her in the face and here's what I replied



Chorus:

You must have at least eight stomachs to process all that lard

and since it's over three feet wide you don't have butt you have a yard.

and if you could be any fatter girl, I really don't know how

you exceed the weight limit of my livestock scale made for weighing cows



Chorus Again:

Now don't stop me yet cause heifer I ain't through

I've known some fat pigs in my life but sadly half of them are you!

and Your face might improve with lots of plastic surgery

but I don't think they've invented yet the polymers you'll need



I came to in the morning and got out of my trash can

I really really stank and there was dog crap on my hands

I had seven black eyes and my left really hurt

I guess these pick-up insults really just don't work
Last edited by macmanmatty at Jan 23, 2014,
#4
Quote by Asecretchord
I am laughing so hard and I've only finished the first chorus.


No more replies? Did they have to you to hospital from laughing so hard and chocking on your own puke?
#5
Funny to read but a lot of bad grammar, weird sentences and sometimes the rhyming seemed forced. The best example:

'did I see you at the free clinic cause you got a god awful cough
and see them warts on your face here's a rat to chew them off'
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