#1
(Clean)- Sung Vocals
(Unclean)-Screamed Vocals
Genre-Metalcore/Post-Hardcore (Kind of like We Came As Romans, The Color Morale etc.)


You And I


Chorus 1: (Clean)
I’ll show you the hope
Show you a sign
Show you a way
Oh, I know
You can break through
You will break through


Verse 1: (Unclean)
You can see it burning
A distance light
I know
You can reach it
You just have to try
You and I
Side by side
We can make it
So close your eyes


(We can break through) (Clean)


You and I (Unclean)
Side by side
Together we’ll leave
This wretched life


Chorus 2: (Clean)
I’ll show you the hope
Show you a sign
Show you a way
Oh, I know
You can break through
You will break through


Verse 2: (Unclean)
You don’t have to be the best
Just don’t be like the rest
Your voice will be heard
So scream it loud and clear
You will prevail
You and I
Side by side
We will make it
So close your eyes


(We will break through) (Clean)


You and I (Unclean)
Side by side
Together we’ll leave
This sickened life


Chorus 3: (Clean)
I’ll show you the hope
Show you a sign
Show you a way
Oh, I know
You can break through
You will break through
You don’t have to be the best
Just don’t be like the rest
Don’t fall to your knees
You have the key


Outro: (Clean)
You and I
Side by side
Together we’ll see
A new beautiful life

I plan on starting a band soon once I can play guitar well enough. This is my first time writing a song so please leave comments/constructive criticism. Thank you for viewing my work. I will have other songs that I will post later, check those out as well
#2
I liked it, it's pretty simple, and I love the way you marked the clean and unclean parts, so I could read it like it was meant to be read. For a first song it's great, just keep at it, maybe put a tune to it (that's one thing I haven't been able to do as of yet). The only thing that jumped at me was the part "You don’t have to be the best
Just don’t be like all the rest", I automatically read it with that "all" in there, maybe I am reading it with a different rythm in my mind, but it sounds a bit better to me.
#3
thank you for taking the time to look over my material, im working on writing the guitar for it and your change to the lyrics makes that whole section sound a little better to me
#5
Not bad man, but you might want to consider a backup title for this song, because there already is a well-known song titled "You And I" by Scorpions.
#6
Oh yeah, by the way, you should consier altering the song section names.
And a little bit different song structure too.


You And I


Intro-pre-chorus: (Clean)
I’ll show you the hope
Show you a sign
Show you a way
Oh, I know
You can break through
You will break through

A couple of riffs

Verse 1: (Unclean)
You can see it burning
A distance light
I know
You can reach it
You just have to try
You and I
Side by side
We can make it
So close your eyes


(We can break through) (Clean)

Pre-chorus: (Clean)
I’ll show you the hope
Show you a sign
Show you a way
Oh, I know
You can break through
You will break through


Chorus:
You and I (Unclean)
Side by side
Together we’ll leave
This wretched life


Verse 2: (Unclean)
You don’t have to be the best
Just don’t be like the rest
Your voice will be heard
So scream it loud and clear
You will prevail
You and I
Side by side
We will make it
So close your eyes


(We will break through) (Clean)


Chorus: (Clean)
I’ll show you the hope
Show you a sign
Show you a way
Oh, I know
You can break through
You will break through
You don’t have to be the best
Just don’t be like the rest
Don’t fall to your knees
You have the key

You and I (Unclean)
Side by side
Together we’ll leave
This sickened life

Outro: (Clean)
You and I
Side by side
Together we’ll see
A new beautiful life


Kinda something like that.

Play around with the clean and distorted(unclean) parts too, to ensure it's YOUR style, not someone elses.

What do you say 'bout mah ideas??
Last edited by Rocknrolla35 at Feb 2, 2014,
#7
Good ideas, I've been altering my songs so there a little more original, and yeah I will change the title, I just found the Scorpion's song last night lol, i've been a more focused on writing the riffs and rhythm parts
"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain."- Bob Marley